I (32F,) ex boyfriend (34M). We’ve been dating over 6 yrs. Last 3 yrs were kind of a rought patch but we’re still technically together. He’s working overseas. At one point I gave up but he even made extra efforts to work on our relationship the past year. You know how hard long distance is. Then last week, I found out that he’s in the country and it’s his wedding day.

I think he married this girl I had a feeling that he was cheating with. About the cheating, one day I ask him to have dinner with me to a new place. He said he’s busy. there’s this project that have to be done. So, i said ok. But I wanted to go, so I have my girlfriends go with me instead. Then we saw each other at that restaurant, he was on another table with someone else. They left before I could even react. He said that was just a friend…, I forgot the details. But I believed him and I let that go.

At first I was cool, I even congratulated him. He said thank you. Then the following morning I sent him another message about how I hate him for doing this to me. I may have done that because I wasn’t thinking straight.

I feel alone and lonely. I should have not hold on to a dying relationship. Should I tell the new wife that I existed in his life? Or maybe I’m the side piece all along.

Edit: We’re technically together because we never said it’s over. Communication was ok, we call and message each other all the time. We have common friends, we’ve met each others family. Being the side chick only came across my mind when someone pointed it out to me.

16 comments

  1. If you were in his wifes shoes, you would want to know. I would personally make sure she knows.
    Beyond that, just block him everywhere and go find someone better – which doesn’t sound like it will be too difficult.

  2. You congratulated him? For what? “Thanks for marrying another women while leading me around the nose for all these years” ?

    Definitely tell the wife, she should know what kind of man her husband is. Explain all the details and provide with proof (text messages, pictures, whatever) so the guy can’t write it off as you simply being a jealous friend.

  3. I hate to say it, but it sounds like you were the mistress in this story. If I were you, I would let his wife know and then move on

  5. He was cheating… on her, with you.

    If you have evidence of a six year relationship with him, I suggest you send it to his wife. She deserves to know the man she married.

  6. For a year+ and u didnt know…..what else could he have been hiding, who else could he have been hiding?

    Tell the wife & have some type of proof. If the marriage was recent then she may be able to get an annulment and you’ll have helped her as divorce is usually much more complicated.

  8. Unless this was some arranged marriage that suddenly came up, guessing you were the mistress all along.

  9. >we’re still technically together

    feel like the word “technically” is doing a LOT of heavy lifting here

  12. You may not realize it now, but you are so much better off without him. Guurrrlllll, you dodged a bullit.

  13. This is absolutely awful I’m so sorry.

    I was in a ldr for 6 years. He in Australia, me in canada.

    The last few years were hard, he lost his dad and his dog. He had a nervous breakdown and initially he claimed he didn’t know the cause, I later found out he still wasnt over his ex.

    I confronted him and he never really gave me an answer. The last year, he called me negative and would ghost me periodically. Then he did it for good three months ago

    I did some digging and found out he was paying for camgirls! He told me he was too broke to go on a holiday together, too broke to visit me, but apparently not too broke to pay for cyber sex.

    I hope one day, their actions catch up with men like this.

  14. I’m truly sorry. If he made you think that you were exclusive and then *got fucking married*, then he sounds like a bit of a sociopath.

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