Not so sure if the post belongs in here, but I try it anyways.
So my boyfriend and I have been to a nudism beach frequently this summer. Normally everything is fine, although there have been incidents with guys taking pictures of women and men, it happens every once in a while.
Today I had the feeling that an older men right from me was holding his mobile phone in a strange way and somehow for too long in my direction, so I changed position and looked at him. He immediately took the phone away, but I felt … not very good … because it was this feeling of him possibly taken advantage of me.
When the old guy was in the water, I told my boyfriend that I had the feeling the guy took pictures.
My boyfriend then said, that the old men surely did not do it. He also said, that I have to kind of expect such a behaviour, because I was in a special place of that nudist-area where there are a lot of older men.
I cannot tell you how super PISSED I was about this condescendent attitude. I seldom felt so angry.
How would you have reacted???
4 comments
Yeah no that’s not ok, if you were open to the pictures that’s one thing but if he’s perving on you and trying to stealthily take a picture I’d want to see his phone and if he said no I’d threaten to call the cops for him sneaking photos of you (I assume there’s someway that’s a crime) that’s just not acceptable behavior of the creepy guy, but your boyfriend Should have had your back. By his logic if you dress sexy and someone takes advantage of you, you should have expected it. Fucked up way of thinking honestly.
My boyfriend always notices people who take pictures of me and I don’t. He thinks it’s a bit creepy of them, but tells me it’s just cause I’m so cute and that he likes being with someone who recieves so much public attention. I’m sure if I expressed discomfort he’d absolutely support me in that feeling though. I’m really sorry that your boyfriend reacted like that… that was very condescending and disrespectful – even if you were overreacting or imagining things (which i dont think you were), he didn’t need to express it like that.
>My boyfriend then said, that the old men surely did not do it. He also said, that I have to kind of expect such a behaviour, because I was in a special place of that nudist-area where there are a lot of older men.
This would be a bit yikes for me if my partner did this. My expectation when I’m expressing distress is that my partner believe me, when reasonable, and express a reasonable amount of empathy. If he said “Surely, you’re wrong.” after I tell him that I’m worried about something that likely happened, I would be upset, and I would expect him to be upset if I did the same thing to him.
And then, I don’t really get how he could be like “No way, but if it did happen, what do you expect?” His messaging is all over the place, while simultaneously being smack dab in the middle of “IDGAF.”
If you feel comfortable talking to him about it, I would. Can be simple, “When you said x earlier, it made me feel like y, is that what you meant?” And see if you can get anywhere with that.
I would be mad as hell. Your boyfriend is a jerk. Nudist areas are supposed to be a SAFE space.