So not sure if I am in the wrong or not, my gf and I had a small argument where she got funny about posting a picture on Instagram with us together but had friends, relatives and private life open to the public, she didn’t want to be tagged in the photo either. A while back we argued as I felt she was trying to hide me from one of her friends.
We had a discussion and she has said that.
1. She doesn’t want to post on social media as relationship is still new, it’s only been a short while (however we moved in and live together..) and that she will post in future when it’s not so new and people know everything fully
2. She wants to protect the relationship as she doesn’t want anyone coming between it in some way (This sounded insecure)
3. All her friends and family know about me already however she said she needs to go home and has to tell them about the relationship in person (if her family doesn’t like me apparently it’s a reason that will weigh her decision – I get that as its family but then she mentioned her best friend having to go back and tell her first)
4. Her other friends didn’t post about their relationships for ages and it would seem strange to them if she posts about ours earlier (friends opinions seem to matter more)
Not sure if I’m in wrong or not, I feel like I’m being hidden as if its a secure relationship that someone is happy with, why do others opinions matter at all or does she have a point?? And also feel like its coming across as she isn’t fully sure about the relationship, and wants validation from her best friend as well? Is that normal?
TL;DR: might have to read above on this one
13 comments
Sounds like she’s not totally sure of the relationship and doesn’t want to ruin her chances with other potentials yet.
Some people take longer to post about their romantic relationships on social media. Some people don’t like to post about that stuff at all. It’s ultimately up to her. Why is it such a big deal to you?
What gets me is the “I don’t want anything to come between us” comment. Like, how would posting about being in a relationship cause anything to do this unless she’s doing something to cause this? 🚩
Sounds like she doesn’t want to upset someone specific. An ex perhaps?
It’s not that weird to want to keep details of your life off social media. Some people share WAY too much, others share nothing at all, and others fall somewhere in the middle.
I’d only think it’s weird if she is normally the type to share way too much, but when it comes to you, that’s the only thing she keeps offline. Like, if she’s using her social media as a personal diary and talking about all the deep personal things going on in her life but refuses to even mention you? Yeah, that’s weird.
But I know tons of people in relationships that don’t want to flaunt them online. To me, it’s never come off as insecure. If anything, I’d say the people that feel a need to constantly post about their significant others are the ones that tend to have less happy relationships behind the scenes. Boasting on social media is how they compensate.
I’m a girl and I don’t like posting my relationship online. Seeing these posts brings up feelings of jealousy for some others, and I don’t want to receive that kind of energy so that might be what she meant by protecting it.
She could also just like to keep this private for herself, or not want her social media to be defined by a relationship if that makes sense- wants to show people in her life that she has her own life outside of it so wants to keep it separate and independent, and judge her for her, not as someone’s gf
Also, I’ve heard that single girls receive more “love” on social media lol so maybe she wants more followers or likes. Could be a few different reasons behind it.
It could be a red flag and it could not be.
Sometimes you dont like posting your relationship online because of many reasons regarding your family/work contacts etc.
Sometimes its because of a special someone that they recently broke up with or something like that.
I think you have to feel your gut on this one.
I personally hate posting romantic pictures. But everyone knows i have a son and a husband and that we live together. I never post pictures of my son or kissing/romantic pics with husband. And neither does he. Its just cringy and uneccessary in my opinion. Also i am waiting for my son to be big enough to consent. I will not post his face publicly because its just not okay in my opinion. So yeah… people are different.
I used to feel the same with my gf in the beginning of my relationship. After a while tho she started posting me on her social media more often. You aren’t out of line for your feelings on this but I’d personally recommend trying to let it go for now as long as everything else in the relationship is good.
I will give it to you tho I do find it strange that she’s comfortable moving in with you but not posting you online.
You’ve only been together a couple of months, already live together, but she’s hiding the relationship? She is concerned about her friends back home, but what about her local friends? Do they know about you and have you met them? Are you sure people back home know about you or is that just what she said? Also, about the living arrangements, did she move in with you or did you find a place together?
There is such thing as wanting to keep your relationship private. Honestly, who gives a shit about her displaying it or not on social media?
Read your own post history. It’s not great, for her or for what’s happening in your own brain. Wish you the best of luck but very little of this seems healthy, and she’s not that into you. You’re pretty recently out of a 9 year relationship. There’s no mention of any context in your post – concerning.
I can offer my experience in this one;
I was dating a girl for approximately a year and she refused to acknowledge we were together on social media and gave the same excuses you seem to be hearing.
Fast forward to after we broke up and she posted her new bf 4 weeks into their relationship.
Pretty evident they had been talking throughout our relationship.
She was ashamed to post me because I like to party and am not a poster boy for good relationship material. I have always been loyal, I have a great career owning a small business, great relationships with my family and friends.
The point I’m trying to make here is that some people care so much about image and how people perceive them that they let that control their decisions irrespective of how it makes the people close to them feel.
Everyone on here seems to be very quick to say break up and that’s not always the right solution. Ask yourself if she is giving you what you need and will she give you what you need in the future? Hope this works out for you moving forward!
I think it has to do with the backlash that friends and family will have if they don’t meet you first. She wants to respect her family and friendships before sharing with the world