So i’ll be moving to Chicago soon from FL for a new job, and most of my family is here in FL. I have this anxiety about something happening to my parents and I’m just wondering if this is… normal? If so, how do you cope with the anxiety of something happening to a loved one when you are far away from them?
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When it was just me, really not an issue. But I’m a weirdo like that. Go see them maybe once or twice a year (Christmas/Thanksgiving).
For my wife it was a bigger change (different cultural values and personal perspectives), and we would try to fly or drive the 10 hours back home four or five times a year.
Once we had kids the equation changed dramatically. Family coming to see us, us going down there, probably 10/15 times a year. Finally we just moved to be near them.
>If so, how do you cope with the anxiety of something happening to a loved one when you are far away from them?
There’s nowhere in the country that you can’t get to in a day in the event of an emergency. Phones exist.
It’s a smaller world than you might think.
I’m sure you know rationally that your being nearby isn’t reducing the likelihood of bad things happening. You just need to get okay with its converse: your being far away isn’t going to make it more likely that bad things will happen.
As we say in software development, that’s a feature, not a bug.
In all seriousness, something happening while you’re far away is a risk, but a fairly small one. The same thing can happen while you’re on vacation somewhere. The likelihood of hours making a difference are somewhat low.
You being in Chicago and them being in Florida does nothing to increase or decrease the chances of something happening to either of you.
Plane tickets aren’t that expensive in the grand scheme. If you *need* to go, you go.
My wife and I live in Eswatini (Swaziland), my family is 17 hours by air away in Florida, hers is 11 hours away in the UK. We have some family in Johannesburg, which is a 4 hour drive away.
It’s fine. There’s facebook, WhatsApp, email, phone, we actually talk more now then when we lived 3 blocks away.
This is a totally normal way to feel! I have lived a flight away from my family for a third of my adult life and there’s always a trace of that feeling. In fact, as parents age and have more health issues, that feeling can grow a bit more intense. What I can say is that if something does happen you will be able to deal with. You go home for a bit or you contribute what you need to from afar and I’ve never felt like I wasn’t there for them.
Try it out and if it really feels unsurmountable then it just means that living that far from your family isn’t for you. Millions of people in this country make the conscious choice to stay closer to loved ones. Sometimes this gets kind of dismissed or seen as lack of hustle and drive. I see it as people knowing what it takes to make them happy.
I’m probably just about as far away as you from my family in the deep south.
have a good communication routine. send care packages back and forth. have them visit during the summer. if they’re anything like my parents, they’re going to love the Midwestern summer weather.
here’s one I learned during a recent storm: know your parents’ neighbors’ phone numbers. if you can’t get ahold of your family during an emergency, you’ll be glad you have that.
My fiancee and I live about a 3 day drive from either of our extended families. It really doesn’t make much difference in the long run– we can FaceTime whenever we want, still chat day to day, etc, the same way we did when we lived an hour from them. If we want to visit, we’ll visit. If something happens, plane tickets for an emergency are a valid expense and won’t hurt us too bad. The world is more connected than ever, my friend.
Tell I’m they miss me, visit lol. Don’t worry. Give it a few months and you won’t be able to get your parents to leave. Give it another year and I promise they’ll be looking at property lmao
Probably not the answer you want to hear, but I couldn’t. It was a big reason why I moved back to Washington after five years away. I missed my people.
I’m an only child and I do have some anxiety about them aging and facing various issues without me around. However, they have lot of family in the area (like my cousins and so on) who they are very close to and who can help out if and when its necessary. Knowing that has helped me.
I live 8 hours to my closest relative and 25+ hours from my parents. You can’t live your life in fear of things that *could* happen. Luckily we live in a time where you can basically be anywhere you need to be with less than a day’s notice.
It’s much easier to stay connected in today’s times with frequent texting, facetime and social media. Build a travel fund into your budget.
If something’s going to happen, it will happen whether you’re in Chicago or Florida.
If you don’t like it there, you can always go back home.
I just call my family or fly to see them. Flights are relatively cheap (thanks to Spirit and Frontier) so if I feel like seeing them, I just do that.
Your presence isn’t preventing things from happening to your parents or loved ones. Go, live your life. When something does happen, flight to Chicago are plentiful and cheap.
Something can happen no matter if you are half the world away, or sitting right next to them. It sucks, but that is the truth. At least being in Chicago, if you had to make it down there quickly, you will have plenty of flights to choose from. It is about as friendly as you can get, while still moving away.
I’m introverted so being away from people is good for me.
Depends on how close you are to your family. I’d miss my family, but I wouldn’t have anxiety over it or anything.
I’m living the near opposite of you. Grew up and still living in Chicago. All of my family except my brother (in college in Iowa) have moved somewhere between Tampa and Miami in the last few years. It was rough at first (and ever rougher in the peak of covid) but I found that just keeping in contact over text or social media helps. I also figure that if something bad happens, they’d let me know
Planes, trains, and automobiles
I manage. I don’t feel like moving again, and I already live in a birder state so I’m not sure how much further away from them I could get without having to move to Canada.
I don’t like them. I like my wife.
I moved to a state near IL from Florida years ago for work. My personality probably made it easier to move but still maintained a lot of contact. Daily phone calls. Frequent face times. Family mailed a lot of packages. Went back home on holidays. Work was flexible enough that I often extended vacation to a “working vacation” and worked remotely.
Eventually something did happen to a loved one while I was away. It sucks. I flew home the next day. Work flexibility helped here again. Eventually moved back to FL to help be a caregiver/work remotely.
Whatever your fears and anxieties are about something bad happening, well I lived it. It sucks. No other way to put it. But it doesn’t mean it will happen to you or your loved ones.
I don’t regret moving away for my career. Or coming back to help. Sometimes I do wonder where I would be if I hadn’t returned. Being a caregiver while trying to keep a career has its own challenges that I won’t get into.
My advice is enjoy your new challenge. Live your life and keep in contact. I really enjoyed my time away and doing my own thing. Maybe keep an eye on how to move back and progress your career if you get homesick. It’s always good to have options even if you don’t take them.
Have a weekly zoom session.
It helps to keep in contact via social media, and video chats. Keep in mind you can easily fly there in a few hours if needed.
I honestly wish we had never moved far away, I hate it. It’s been over a decade and it is still rough coming back here after a visit or the holidays.
But it is what it is, I’m not as anxious because I have siblings nearby my parents who can take care of them as needed (and my job prospects are better where I am, so I can pay the help if needed).