For some context, I was visiting my parents’ \[47f and 50m\] house for the weekend a few days ago. My dating life has been rather stagnant for the past few years, so I decided to try my luck with dating apps. More particularly, Tinder and Plenty of Fish.
I was on the couch viewing and swiping through profiles on Tinder, while my younger sister \[16f\] was watching something on Netflix on the TV. As I was viewing the profiles, I muttered comments like “she’s fine” to those that caught my attention, and “too meaty” to profiles that I wasn’t interested in, under my breath.
My sister heard what I said and went after me for it. She told me that I was “a bit heavy myself” (which she isn’t that wrong about to be honest) and that I had “no room to talk.” She then went on a triad about the evils of fat-shaming, and that many heavyset women “struggle with their bodies, and can’t help being like that.”
Out of spite, I started making more graphic and perverted comments about the profiles. Yeah, that was a very scummy thing to do (especially in front of a girl her age), but I was beyond peeved by my sister berating and insulting me like that, and it clouded my judgment.
That only escalated the situation, and my sister snatched my phone from me. She got after me for “objectifying women” for a bit. My sister followed that up with a long laundry list of reasons why I should stay off of dating apps. I pretty much tuned her out at that point, and thus I can’t remember for certain of what she exactly said.
My paraphrase of her talking points is pretty much a crude straw man version of it. My best recollection however, is that it was something on the lines of “you can’t build true connections and feelings through a screen.” There was also something about “online dating being shallow and lustful” thrown in there.
It was quite apparent to my sister that I was being dismissive of her. She walked to the door and tossed my phone outside. At that point, things were just too heated for me. I then decided to cut my stay short, packed up my things, and drove back to my apartment.
What my sister said in that whole argument was just so frustrating to me. For one, I have no malice towards heavier women (or people in general) whatsoever. I simply don’t find them attractive. Which is completely fine, as this is nothing wrong with not falling under one person’s beauty preferences. There is no need for women to conform to my standards, and there are always other people in the sea for them. I wish them all the best in life, but again, I’m just not interested in dating women with that body type.
Sure my comments were a bit rude, but it wasn’t like I was taking screenshots to mock them somewhere online or sending nasty DMs about their weight. I simply made some one-off snide remarks to myself while privately rejecting them. I’m sure there are women that have said similar things about my profile. As long as they’re not targeting me, I don’t see why it’s worth fussing other some far off comments that I’ll never hear.
Secondly, my sister doesn’t seem to understand that I just don’t have many opportunities to date in person. My life is often consumed by work and schooling, and really don’t have any social circles I belong to. Thus why I resorted to online dating. When I tried explaining that to her, she had none of it.
I haven’t talked to my sister since, but she has occasionally texted me. So far, I’ve ignored them, as I just don’t know what to say. How should I handle this situation? I’m just so beyond frustrated with my sister now and would like to vent it somewhere.
TL:DR: I got in a heated fight with my younger sister over my comments I made on some tinder profile and using online dating apps in general. Just need to vent my frustrations and would love to hear some advice now.
8 comments
Do your dating away from your sister.
You’re 20, and fighting with a 16 year old. Come on dude.
Check your dating apps when you arent right next to her.
It’s really messed up to talk about women’s bodies that way in front of your sixteen year old sister. “Too meaty” man, really? You need to grow up. Obviously you’re entitled to your own preferences and you can say whatever you want but you can’t be surprised if people don’t want to be around you if that’s how you’re expressing yourself. I’m glad your sister is smart enough to not put up with this crap
You’re a grown man fighting with a teenage girl who you made nasty comments in front of about other women’s bodies. If this is how you talk about women when they’re not around, i can understand why your dating life has been stagnant
Your sister sounds very mature for her age. I have no idea why you’d feel the need to “mutter comments” about the bodies of other women in front of your teenage sister, so I guess my advice would be to figure out why the fuck you’d want to do something as gross as that? And then apologize to her for being vile.
>My dating life has been rather stagnant for the past few years
Oh no I wonder why that is?
>”too meaty” to profiles that I wasn’t interested in, under my breath.
>Out of spite, I started making more graphic and perverted comments about the profiles.
… in front of your 16 year old sister? Disgusting behaviour.
>My sister followed that up with a long laundry list of reasons I should stay off of dating apps. I pretty much tuned her out at that point, and thus I can’t remember for certain of what she exactly said.
She was probably telling you something important about why your general behaviour is a massive turn off and that’s probably why your dating life is stagnant. Maybe try listening to women in your life, it’s good practice for communication with potential romantic partners
>I simply made some one-off snide remarks to myself while privately rejecting them.
This isn’t normal behaviour mate. Not being attracted to someone is one thing but snide remarks even just to yourself is just a nasty mentality to have.
All in all you should probably apologise to your sister. You were extremely nasty and what on earth possessed you to talk about tinder out loud in front of her? If you have that much of an issue keeping rude thoughts in your head and instead mutter them outloud use tinder in private not in communal areas?
Note:
You should probably take a serious look at your relationships with other people. You say you don’t have much of a social circle, could that be because of the way you make snide remarks under your breath in public (making people dislike being around you?) Do you often “tune” people out?
You sound annoying and immature. Why are you digging your heels into the ground when your teenage sister points out that your fatphobic comments are, in fact, stupid and fatphobic? Grow up.
I love how this guy got some feedback and deleted his account!
How sad is that? The guy needs therapy—STAT.
He shouldn’t be judging women like that, he absolutely shouldn’t be judging women like that *in front of his teenage sister*.
And he’s lucky that she spoke up! He could have learned something (and from this set of responses, too!), but instead he noped out to her face, and then to everyone here.
No wonder he’s single & without friends.
Everyone is judgmental.. he’s no different than anyone of us