So I’m late 20’s and the last 6 months have been pretty rough in general for me. I also recently broke up with my long term girlfriend as as much as it needed to happen it still hurts you know. I have a few male friends, decent looks, hit the gym daily, and am about to start a new job. Life isn’t all downhill but yeah idk I just feel so down trodden at the moment guys. I feel like this is *it* forever. Like mentally it’s like what happens now sort of thing. I feel low and not very excited about life right now and not sure if it’s just a period that will pass.
Lost my point. Just yeah I’m after advice on this sort of stuff.
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Well, my worst year was 29 – I divorced my first wife, I just had no aim or direction, I felt like I’d made zero progress in the last decade, and unlike you I am *not* a good looking man.
And then my best year was 30. Fantastic band, fantastic job, exciting new girlfriend, everything was just *great*.
And that led to a really good, like, eight-year run. *Loved* my thirties. So much fucking better than my twenties.
Forties aren’t going so well! Well, maybe that’ll turn around, too. I find that life tends to oscillate between great and shitty.
Have you ever heard of Jesus? 🦾❤️
Honestly, I don’t. I just keep going. Life in poverty is a never ending reminder of a low period all the while the more well off tell me things will get better… but it simply doesn’t.
So instead i enjoy the things in life i can enjoy. I enjoy a walk, i enjoy a bike ride, i enjoy a video game hell lately I’ve even started to enjoy the debt I’m getting into cause i know I’ll never own a home unless i want a trailer. As shitty as life gets, those moments that can make you smile and think about how awesome it is you are to be here now and able to experience this is what makes it worth it.
That and hobbies where i build things. Building anything makes me instantly happier.
It feels like this is forever, but remember that no matter how dark it gets, there are always brighter days ahead. And those days come gradually…first just fleeting moments of less misery, then a few moments of light…eventually its an entire day.
I also try to remind myself that you cannot have good times without bad times too. Its all relative. These are the bad days you need to get through in order to appreciate the next set of good ones.
Hang in there, you WILL get to the brighter days.
Unfortunately that is life bro. Ups n downs. It’s good you’re still taking care of yourself physically, don’t ever lose that, it sucks. I’m twice your age and my best advice is hang on to those small moments that make you happy. I always thought that sounded corny but I’m serious, those are the times that help get you through all the hard ones. Especially the good times with close friends and family, just the times you feel at ease and most like yourself.
You listed several positives and frankly just a couple of negatives. That’s the start. Focus on what is going well and realize that the things that are negative right now will turn into positives in the long run. Think long term and the positive direction it sounds like you are going even if you aren’t there yet.
Wait until you’re over the hill, it really is all downhill from there.
Something my father told me whenever I was upset about something. You’re going to not give a shit about the issue you’re dealing with in four months, you know it’s true. So just live as if it’s four months into the future right now.
To be honest I have never fully left this place I’ve just be able to escape it for short amounts of time. I have found the one thing that makes it a lot easier to handle and get through though is actually opening yourself up and confiding in really just about anyone to talk to what might be bothering you.
I finally did this a couple months ago and I’m glad to say that I have not been happier since, and all it took was opening up to someone I just met who now happens to be one of my closed friends. Just don’t go into it alone because that only makes it more difficult to handle. Even if you don’t have anyone in your life you think you can talk to, or maybe you just don’t want to burden those you love like me. Then just find someone out there willing to offer some time to just hear you out and listen to what you have to say.
Then from there just try and focus on one problem at a time. It may take a while to get out of this pit, but you can do it so just stay strong and keep swimming. And remember that you don’t have to do it alone and asking for help doesn’t make you any weaker or less capable than you were before. If anything it just proves how strong you are.
Anyway best of luck to you man and I hope it all works out.
just remember bad times are like bad gas it will pass.
bleak as it seems: you are the one who has to dig yourself out of the pit.
its YOU playing those “what if” games. its you making yourself feeling worse.
if need be grab a pad and pen write it all down to get it right out of your system then burn the paper so your not tempted to look at the paper ever again. its up to you to see how you see the light.
the light at the end of the tunnel isnt always a train…
I let the messy depressy wash over me. I might take a couple days off work, sleep a ton, watch some awesome movies in my undies with the sound too loud, and chow down with some chocolate and ice cream.
Allow yourself to be down, it’s okay to be that way. If you need to, get a pen and paper, or a keyboard under your finger tips and get things out of your head and heart. It’s up to you if you want to keep them or not, but trust me, they’re non judgemental and they’re always willing to listen.
I GOT YOU, BRO.
This is my magic weapon against that bullshit.
https://philome.la/jace_harr/you-feel-like-shit-an-interactive-self-care-guide/play/index.html
Would you still be sad if you were banging a bunch of hot chicks?
I usually take my old used car batteries and i throw them in the ocean. Safely and legally
Just Act like nothing happened ..
Go about your daily business and carry on…
Keep the faith because life goes on when having a pity-party…
intentionally look for something beautiful. Art, people, literature. Intentionally because you will be more likely to find it. And focus on the beauty, not the why. THC helps, or certain tea if more inclined. Not a complete solution, but can kick start the process.
Me? I never did. I just suffered through my dark periods. Friends couldn’t understand or didn’t want to, family didn’t have anything constructive to add. I just kept on going, and eventually it got better. Or maybe you just become numb to the bad and focus on the good. Sorry it’s not an answer, but eh?
I am not too much farther along than you, only 33. But I hit that low, this nothing gets better from here moment in my early twenties.
I can say with certainty that it does get better, life goes on, new adventures await and all that jazz. The key is to never stop, to never give up. To give up is to close the door of possibility before you get a chance explore what’s on the other side of this slump. To start with, you need to pick yourself up everyday, to continue going through the motions. Hang with your friends, go to that new job and really own it. All the while keeping a keen eye out for life’s next opportunity, ready to grasp it and not let go.
That’s what got me through the slump.
I know that things always change and those low points seem to strengthen your character in some way like its a lesson you didn’t know you needed.
Santa doesn’t bring gifts in the light(love that line)
If you are losing hope just know that things will get better you just have to trust yourself and hold out intill the better days come.
Sometimes I think of those dark days are a precursor to a mental breakthrough so you can grow.
Life is a sinusoidal function, it oscillates between bad and good, sometimes it’s good sometimes it’s shit, and no matter how dark your place is, one day the sun will rise, and no matter how shiny the sun is, it will set
I’ve been in a bad place since 2015 I just got used to it just one bad thing after another that never goes away
Talk to someone about it or if you are trying to recover from a bad addiction try to substitute that bad addiction with a better one
Hobbies. Especially reconnecting with one you might have given up a long time ago. Playing video games again for the first time in almost 6 years really helped take me out of my bad spot. If you have the free time, then trying something new and different (I took up the occasional nature walk) can also help a lot.
Just gotta keep on keeping on. Life is all about ups and downs. Survive the low points and enjoy the highs.
When I was 30 our first born was born with an undetected heart problem; open-heart surgery at 2 wks. Exciting times, to say the least. When he was 4, mom has craniotomy to remove a dermoid cyst which randomly blocked her spinal cord fluid, resulting in her collapsing for a few moments. Three years later, our second son was born with spina bifida. I’ve lost count of the surgeries he’s had.
Well, the oldest is 26 and is an IT security analyst, the youngest graduated high school and participates in various sports, including adaptive kayaking and wheelchair basketball. Mom and I are in awe of them both.
Life has a lot of sucky moments. You’re allowed to get down on life or yourself. But you shouldn’t let the sucks dominate you, or cloud over those who care about you. Seek out solace in family, friends, religion, or nature. Your new job will open you to new experiences and people: embrace that opportunity. Being a gym rat (to any degree) puts you in a top category of males in America. Things will get better … maybe not soon enough for you, but consider life seldom improves “fast enough” for anyone.