Tl;DR : I (27M) confronted my ex gf(24F) because she didn’t do an activity with me, becasue her ex never did it with her only promised.
I (27M) had an argument with my now ex girlfiend (24F) about taking a ride on a ferris wheel. When we started dating i suggested to take a ride, but she refused because she said “she’s afraid of heights” and I didn’t forced her. After a while in another city, she suggested the same. I asked her: what changed? Then she told me, she didn’t wanted to take it then because of her ex never did. It felt bad and my mood was ruined for the rest of the evening, because she lied (not the first time but always in minor things). Generally we argued a lot about this whole ex matter, because in my oppinion she compared us many times (+ and – both). After a week or so we went back to the city where we dated first and I suggested to take the ride then. She told me that, she don’t want to, because she could’t enjoy it. I confronted her because of this and we had a fight. In my oppinion she choosed her past over our future. What do you think, was my behavior toxic? I fear, I was abusive to comfront her about her negative feelings and I don’t want to do the same ever again.
9 comments
I don’t think it means you’re “toxic”, but is it petty and completely unnecessary to fight with someone about whether or not they want to go on a ferris wheel? Absolutely. Let people say no without kicking up a fuss.
How was she supposed to enjoy a ferris wheel ride with you after you made it a stressful argument? You got mad when she lied and said she was afraid of heights, presumably to avoid bringing up her ex. You were mad when she told the truth and said it was about her ex, because now she is “comparing you to him”. Seems like you were going to be mad over a silly reason regardless.
Also it is very overdramatic to say “she chose her past over your future”. Over a…ferris wheel?? Dial it back. You’re causing a problem where you could have just let it go.
Clearly there’s a bigger underlying issue here: your insecurity about her ex. You need to focus on that and if/how it can be resolved. Your attitude in this particular incident and your conclusion that “she chose her past over our future” because she didn’t want to go on an amusement park ride is completely irrational, however, so in my opinion, in this particular case, your behavior was toxic.
Yep, she was insecure about something because of a bad past and you made it an extended argument with endless drama.
don’t make long running fights over minor issues. Like, if she says “my ex had a nicer cock than you” then you can have a bit of drama and break up, but not over a Ferris wheel.
If the taste of your lips takes me on a ride: yes.
Did you see the news about the couple getting arrested for having sex on a ferris wheel and become fucking obsessed with ferris wheels?
I mean, yeah, you sound deeply emotionally immature and insecure. If I removed the ages from your narrative, most people would assume you are 12 or 13, not a 27 year old adult with full brain development.
Yes your behavior was toxic. You started a fight over something that was resolved. That’s YOU living in the past, not her.
I disagree with other commenters. Typically people who are actually “toxic” don’t have any self awareness of it and therefore wouldn’t be asking “am I toxic?” in the first place. I think the fact that you are able to reflect on your behavior and question yourself is a very *not* toxic trait.