I (23F) moved in with my coworker (20F) this past weekend. She moved in here from her parents’ house, but I came from another apartment so I brought a lot of important household items (kitchen appliances, cookware, not to mention a $200 vaccum and $300 sofa) and she has full access to all of it. The only shared item she brought was a rug for the living room. She had originally purchased a TV for the living room but on the day we moved in she decided she wanted it in her room instead.
My gripe is that she continues to ask me to split the cost of every little thing with her (a new tv, tv stand, decor for the living room, etc.) which i do understand on one hand, but on the other i feel like she doesnt realize how much money i ultimately have saved her on lots of household items and I feel like it would be fair if she made some purchases for the apartment herself. I’m not sure how to bring this up as I don’t want to cause any animosity but this is has been bothering me for a few days now.
UPDATE: I’ve gotten some comments saying I shouldn’t be slighted by her using my things, and I want to clarify that that’s not the issue here. I’m happy to bring things into the apartment that can be shared, my point is that she hasn’t done the same and it feels unfair.
31 comments
Normally you discuss these things before moving in. See this as an important lesson.
For now, maybe make a list of all the costs you brought into the household and their costs. Also think of a maximum you would want to spend as your share on each of the new items. Calculate if the amount of the items already brought in are higher or lower than the amount still necessary.
If it’s higher, show and explain it to her. She never lived outside of her parents home and probably has no idea how real life works. She may think it’s perfectly fair to ask you for these things out of pure ignorance, not malice.
But do remember that if you add your items to the household pool, it’s not as easy to take them with you if you decide to move out.
I genuinely don’t think it’s smart to even split purchases. You all won’t be roommates forever. It’s smart to deviate buying things in full. You paid for the couch and etc so when you eventually move out you know it’s yours- she should pay for things in full as well. I would just say that yes you are roommates now but you think splitting everything can become messy when you both move forward in life… you should know what’s yours and what’s hers. Pivot off of that so she can start buying things in full
Get together and write out all the stuff you need/have for the house and list the costs. After she starts write down your contributions.
You expect her to spend the same anmount of money in a week that you have spend over the span of your first appartment?
That seems very unreasonable.
ask her to split the money for the stuff you bought. maybe she will be okay with it or you can do like a payment plan thing since it’s kind of springing it on her. if not tell her you’d like her to either purchase something of need with the same value, or she can no longer use it/pick up greater chores around the apartment
She is a room mate not a life partner , you do not buy things together . She looks after herself , and you look after yourself.
How do you plan to split the items if you decide to move on? It makes no sense to split the cost of household items.
Bring this up to her. Say, ‘in the event one of us moves out, it doesn’t make financial sense for us to split purchases. Best you buy something or I buy something and then it is ours in the event we go our separate ways’.
Also point out ‘I have contributed thousands in furniture, cooking and cleaning items and I’m happy for you to use them but feel I have contributed quite significantly already’.
I can sympathize with this situation because my sister went through it. Her roomate moved in during the middle of her lease with nothing but a bed, her clothes, and toothbrush pretty much. She used all of my sister appliances, dishes, left them dirty, even towels at some point before buying her own. I think this is a difficult conversation but should be had. My roomate and I share appliances but that’s because he had a rice cooker that I use while I have a blender he uses. He uses my utensils and kitchen tools while I use his plates and cups- so it’s a mutual agreement on what is shared and what isn’t and what we have already brought with us that we don’t mind them using (vacuum or mop).
Since your coworker moved in recently, there’s still time for you to say “hey i don’t mind you using my things, so we don’t have double appliances in the kitchen, but just know i think it’s a bit unfair to ask me to split the TV, stand and decor, Since I already have this apartment furnished for us to use.”
I don’t think you should be splitting anything unless it’s a thing that’s gonna be thrown away after you both move out. You need a vacuum, you buy it. You want to have kitchen stools? You buy it. And vice versa! There’s no way to get that money back and only one of you will end up leaving with it after the lease is up!
I wouldn’t recommend splitting costs on purchases. Roommates come and go, this isn’t a marriage that you expect to last forever.
This in itself should help equalize things, as then you can say you bought the sofa and xyz items versus her sole purchased items are in her room.
Buy a tv and put it in your room. Don’t buy anything else for the common area
This is not a forever arrangement and you should not purchase items together that can’t be split. For example: For the living room, one person needs to purchase a TV and the other can buy a piece of furniture or two that they like and then they will own what they bought.
You had to buy those items regardless of living with her. You used them in your previous apartment and own them and will keep them when you move out.
It’s reasonable to split costs of new purchases now and determine how to split it up when you move. It makes the most sense to alternate who buys and keeps household items.
did you have to pay for the TV she is now using in her room? If so, demand the money back.
Don’t split the cost of furniture. I don’t with my roommates. Our logic is that when we eventually go out on our own only one person can take that stuff with them. Whoever really wants something can pay for it and then they’ll also have it forever.
I’ve never done that. In the past I’ve always bought things that iiiiiiii wanted to use and if they wanted to use it also they could. But that item or devise was mine when we moved out.
But also “I’ve contributed a lot” no you bought yourself a couch you wanted and vacuum and whatever appliances because you wanted them. You don’t get to lord purchase you made for yourself over your roommate like it was for their benefit
Honestly this is why roommate situations often don’t work. People get petty about vacuums and couches. You’re going to need to learn how to coexist without turning to Reddit for every circumstance
Just say no when she asks to split things. Tell her it’s easier to know who owns what if she buys it outright.
>a new tv, tv stand, decor for the living room, etc
These aren’t things you can split when you no longer live together. You are roommates, not dating. So, I’d start by figuring out in writing what would happen when you no longer live together?
For instance tv and stand. Let’s say you buy a 200 TV and 100 stand. Each pay half, who gets it at the end? Under what terms?
Decor. Why would you be splitting that? If she wants a lamp, she buys it. If she wants curtains she can buy them.
I don’t think bringing an expensive vacuum is really saving her money. She could’ve bought a 100 dollar vacuum from Costco, and that would still be 50 dollars cheaper than splitting your 300 dollar vacuum. If you bring household items into a house and feel slighted by someone using it, that seems petty. You essentially want her to pay rent on using a shared item.
She has full access to the couch? You should’ve mentioned before the move that she could split the cost and sit on half, or let her pay per use. No one splits the cost of an already purchased item. I think you’re picking a losing battle, seems very weird.
It is normal to split all shared items from the time you move in together when they’re shared truly. A fridge, a carpet, dining chairs, table, etc. don’t buy anything with the idea in mind that she will split it unless it is agreed in beforehand. If you show up with a 500 dollar tv and say “hey this is for the house” without her agreement, you’re not getting that 250 bucks if she never even wanted it. There’s a fine line between splitting fairly and imposing bills on people.
Keep receipts of everything you guys buy that is agreed on and don’t assume anything. Do not accept 50/50 split on anything that isn’t needed or agree upon. You’re not paying to help her do a home decor project, no splitting plants that only she likes, don’t split a surround sound system if you won’t use it or don’t want it. But everything that you DO need and you both use (light bulbs, dish soap, toilet paper, shared hobbies) needs to be split. That will keep any resentment and let’s everything be fair.
don’t split furniture or anything tbh and also if you’re providing all that she should pay $15/$30 extra a month or pick up like a wifi bill
Honestly i would not split the costs of new things because what do you do once you move out again? It’s doesn’t specifically belong to one person. Discuss who buys what but don’t buy a whole bunch of things and do 50/50 on all them, it makes moving out a mess and you’ll have to tranfer money to each other back and forth which could also lead to conflict.
I agree that the situation isn’t fair to you, but maybe try to approach it gently. She’s very young and may not have the money for large purchases. As you know, the initial move in cost is a lot and she may not have a pool to draw from right now. I’m not saying let her use you, but just try to be sympathetic while you guys work it out.
You bought the kitchen things and she can buy the living room things. my roommate and i did the same thing and we took what we brought.
How bout YOU buy stuff YOU want. SHE buys stuff SHE wants?! Where’s the mystery here? You’re trying to split costs when she’s definitely not into it.
Oh man. Working together and living together. I don’t see this ending well.
Since those things are yours, you’ll take them with you, when you move out.
The things that you buy together will remain in the apartment. And when you move out, you can agree to get paid for by the next tenant.
Before splitting the cost of any shared item, discuss what happens to those items when one of you moves out.
Uhh if the TV stand is in her room and you paid for half it needs to go back in the living room.
“Oh, did you want to split things? I can let you know what X, Y and Z cost. You let me know how much A and B were and we’ll figure out how much each of us owes. It’s a little more complicated because if either of us move we will have to figure out who gets what. But I’m okay with it if that’s what you want to do. I can make a list. “
She should buy stuff and you should buy stuff, there’s no point in buying together unless you have an agreement in place on how you would split things when you eventually move out.
That being said, it doesn’t make sense for her to buy more things for you to share. You voluntarily brought more things (good for you), but she doesn’t owe you anything for it. Either you HAD to brings things with you (from an old apartment) or you did it out of the generosity of your own heart, in either case she doesn’t owe you anything.
There shouldnt be shared ownership of items because this isnt a permanent arrangement. Instead, each of you should buy things you can take with you when you stop living together. So if she wants a tv stand, certain decor, whatever, she can pay for it.
You just take her aside and say, look you need to contribute more money for rent. If she refuses then you find a new roommate or you get an apartment for
yourself. Simple.