TL:DR – dating a guy with absolutely no experience with girls, he’s never had a girlfriend and barley spoke to women before me. Our relationship feels extremely stagnant and I feel like it lacks everything normal couples have.
We met online last year and instantly clicked off. Since then we have met up a couple of times and have decided to make it exclusive. Neither of us have been in a relationship before so we’re not sure what it’s like dating someone. However, nowadays I’m confused whether he even likes me anymore. He admits he’s not the best at communicating but our text messages have severely decreased (he says it’s because of university and work, which is odd because he had uni and work last year too) and we barely even meet once a week. To me, it honestly does not feel like we’re dating whatsoever.
Another thing is that we’re not very touchy with each other, haven’t even kissed yet! I don’t know how to initiate things with him because I’m a very shy person as well but I feel like I’m putting in way more effort than he is. We’re supposed to meet in a few days, that is if he decides not to call it off and I for one really want to at least kiss him or make a move. Another thing I will add is that last time he trying holding my waist, I freaked out so now he’ll be extra reluctant to do anything with me. We also don’t know how to plan dates… our ‘hang outs’ consist of going to a park and talking for like half an hour or going to a cafe… in total I’d say we hang out 3/4 hours a week. Totally not enough because I start to miss him as soon as I get home!
I don’t know what to do or how to change things up. What kind of conversation should I have about this with him? We also have a lot of secrets between us lol.. he doesn’t call me by my real name and I don’t know a whole lot about him.
He seems fairly distant but I sincerely hope he’s not acting this way because he’s lost interest in me lol. Could it be that he’s using me as a placeholder? Idk lmao pls help
3 comments
Lesson 1 of being in a relationship – Talk to each other about these concerns and issues. No one can read minds so be open and direct with him. You both don’t really have a baseline on a what a relationship should be like to compare against so you need to figure it out together.
> We met online last year and instantly clicked off. Since then we have met up a couple of times and have decided to make it exclusive.
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> we’re not very touchy with each other, haven’t even kissed yet!
What are you even making exclusive? Not talking to the other gender?
Neither of you have experience, that’s fine, but you’re overthinking it which is understandable. He touched you and you got scared, so now he’s going to be extra afraid to touch you in any way including kissing. Heck, it could even be why he’s become more withdrawn (though University and work schedules change and he might just be busier). If you guys don’t even know each other very well you might want to rethink the nature of your relationship. Would you rather be physical partners or more emotional partners? It takes a long time to get close to someone, and this sounds like it was a little rushed. I did something similar, kissed a girl I didn’t have a lot in common with, and we never really spoke afterwards. But my best guess about this whole situation is that you’re both in the same place. You both are worried the other doesn’t love you and that you aren’t close enough. That kind of stuff takes time. Hanging out in a park as a date is fine, but a half hour seems really short, is there any way he could make it longer? Either way, I suggest you guys go to couples’ counseling if both of you want to, it sounds like you’re overworked by pulling the relationship, and he’s afraid to move it forward because of your reaction to being touched and his inexperience.