I told a man on a dating app that I realized today that I wasn’t really emotionally healthy right now and needed to not date for the time being and he told me he felt he did not want to lose our connection, so we talked about remaining friends and not having sex. (We had not met yet even). I told him I had been through a lot lately and had been crying for two hours and I was just at a point in my life where I needed to not date and heal from trauma and probably could not be a good partner right now. So he snapped a photo of himself. We had already exchanged plenty of just casual selfies. I told him I would send a photo back, but I had been crying a lot. And he said it would be fine because then he could “see me in my natural state”. I had already sent him many photos of myself with pretty much no makeup not to mention we had just agreed to be casual friends since I was healing so why even ask me for more photos.. Why are men so obsessed with no makeup photos of women? Also, why do so many men have weird, unempathetic responses? Like ask someone to send a photo after crying?? I dont get men… but I have spoken to hundreds of men on dating apps in the last few years and I feel this is very normal behavior to keep asking for no makeup photos (when my photos had almost no makeup to begin with) and also give weird, unempathetic responses to things. What is this about? Its so objectifying. Im just at a point in my life wondering if men even see me as a human or as a tool. Also, Im not talking to this man anymore.
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Thats what dating apps make people. Youre a face in a sea of other faces that anybody has access to at any time. Its dehumanizing
Dating apps just suck, Id get off them ASAP
Why would him sending you a selfie warrant you sending a selfie back? If it’s Snapchat or text, I don’t send a picture until I have something to share.
He sent you a picture to make you feel obligated to send him a picture. That’s a dick move. That has nothing to do with wanting to see you without makeup
First of all, I am happy for you! You should be proud of yourself for making the decision to focus on healing instead of dating. It takes a lot of self awareness to not only realize you have things to work on but to isolate and take action towards healing.
My opinion on some of your questions:
>Why are men so obsessed with no makeup photos of women?
Unfortunately, with all the filters a lot of people don’t look like themselves anymore (FYI this includes men and women, I’ve seen men in OLD with filtered pics).
For women, there are a lot of makeup tutorials that teach people to completely change their facial features. For men, they can grow a beard or pop on a hat to change they way they look.
IMO it’s important for people to be comfortable in their own skin and love themselves with or without enhancements regardless of what people think.
I also believe more people should trust each other, but realize trust is hard to come by with all of the fake new, fake vids, lies etc. This is why I love that apps have video chatting, you can usually get the “this is what I actually look like” portion out of the way before meeting in person.
Personally, I do not filter any of my photos and always include pics with zero makeup and at least one full body pic on my OLD profile. To me that’s the only way to portray myself authentically.
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>why do so many men have weird, unempathetic responses?
Men are typically groomed to be less emotional by societal standards. In fact, most men I know were taught it’s not manly to show emotions so they have a “suck it up” mentality which can make them more rough around the edges when it comes to vulnerability.
With that said, I do think it’s everyone’s responsibility to learn how to speak to others in an empathetic way and realize certain things they were taught growing up are no longer serving them. It’s hard to change something that’s been programmed since childhood but totally possible.
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>we had just agreed to be casual friends since I was healing so why even ask me for more photos
Regarding this particular instance, the guy could be sticking around and asking for pics for many reasons:
1. He thinks you’re playing hard to get and believes he can change your mind
2. He genuinely likes you and wants to be there for you in any capacity
3. He wants to be the shoulder you cry on so he can get laid
4. He empathizes with your situation but is horrible at communication
There are so many possibilities, the only way to get down to the truth would be to get in his head which we can’t do.
It seems like he’s adding more stress than support during your healing process, so your decision not to talk to him is likely the best move.
First of all, i don’t think asking for a picture in this situation and calling your face after crying “a natural state” is appropriate. However i think the obsession is kinda understandable considering that makeup allows you to basically paint yourself a new face. And many women do use it exactly for that purpose and then end up looking very different without it.
Why did you say ” I would send a photo back, but I had been crying a lot.” ?
There’s a funny meme, wish I could find it, but a girl is with heavy makeup in one panel, and the next just light make-up and the guy says “See how pretty you are without make-up”
natural state could also mean he wanted to see you with your sobbing face (which is weird ) but maybe he has his own way of empathizing you know. Dont want to be the devil’s advocate here but maybe he planned to cheer you up in some way with that pic of yours or maybe he wanted to share in your pain. Still not rooting for him but you would never know the real him if you dont give him a chance.
Also maybe his sense of make up isnt as good as yours . Chill.. peace out
Media made it cool to be non made up, and you know unless you are going to get up real early every day, he’s going to see you without it one day. Don’t make it the kind of surprise that he thinks there’s a homeless intruder in the house…
I don’t blame you, I have gone off dating because things like this bother me a lot. It’s not the main reason but one of them. Like I would send several pictures of me and I don’t wear makeup I only paint my lips. And they would send like one picture, and I wouldn’t ask for more. But then any conversation or every hour they would ask for a picture. That bothers me for some reasons because a good conversation never happen.