I (26f) got told by my fiancé of 3 years (24m) that he would like out of the house we have and that our relationship is done. This started in an argument we had about a month and a half ago where he said he didn’t feel loved and we talked about how I show love differently than he wants sometimes but that I love him with all of my heart. We have been together for about 6 years now. We have taken the last two weeks somewhat apart in that he has his own room in the house and I have mine. I love him with every fiber of my being. I know I could’ve shown more affection but between covid, him getting a new job, me looking for a new job and starting a career and just logistical pressures of a relationship I think we needed some clarity and space. He approached me last night and said he would like out of the house. I asked him how we got here and can throw out 6 years of beautiful love and each time I try to bring up emotional connection he gets silent and just looks at me like I’m a dog in the pound.
I want him and need him and can see the ways I didn’t show him love the right way. I wrote a letter today and left it by his keys. He started to pack up some clothes but then didn’t move anything out when he had ample time today to do so. Is this letter just desperate and sad or is it a reasonable last ditch effort to save my relationship? (Note I redacted a Name of his family member)
I love you
I cannot express enough how sorry I am that I took you for granted. I felt suffocated by love and reacted
in a way that now has tainted all the beauty of the last 6 years. I feel like a piece of me has died and
every time I close my eyes I don’t think I’ll wake up anymore. I would give the world to be given the
chance to make things right. I know I’ve done wrong and I see how clouded I was in my own head. I was
a fool and selfish. To know I hurt you is the worst thing that could ever happen.
I think about how when [brother]
left we talked about moving wherever he was going to end up and even
now I still would in a heartbeat to make you happy. I want nothing more than to know you’re happy. I
want to be the reason or even a small piece as to why you are.
I think about how we’ve grown not just as individuals but together and all the things we have gone
through. I finally have the stability in my career to settle and then give you what you deserve without
me stressing and yet I feel there is no chance and I feel everything I worked for was a waste because l
can’t share it with you.
Hove you more than anything. I always have, even in moments I didn’t show it the right way. I would
give anything to crawl into your bed with you – our bed and feel vour arms. I would give up everything I
have to give you a kiss and tell you I love you without bursting into tears. You are and have been my
world from my lowest low and I can never repay you for that and yet I hoped (and still hope) to with
every ounce of love I have.
Even through this all I would marry you at any point. I would throw away relationships with anyone else
because I see how they don’t hold a candle to you. I have never felt such pain and wouldn’t wish this on
anvone. I want to spend the rest of my life expressing to you how loved you are, how special, how
talented, smart, loving, incredible, you are.
Hearing you say you still love me even in this all hurts so much. Because I love you more than I ever have
expressed. I thought I was growing and changing but I know it wasn’t enough. Not yet. I would give you
anything you want, to be with you and have you hold me. I thought we needed a little space to figure
out who we were as individuals but I was so ungodly wrong and don’t want to have to pay the price for
the rest of my life.
I can’t just pack up 6 beautiful years into a few days or weeks of tears. I never want to love anyone else
and quite frankly couldn’t love anyone the way I love you. You are not the perfect man nor am I the
perfect woman but we were perfect for each other for so long and I think we could be and I finally have
the realization and understanding of how much I need to work to make you see how much I love you.
Please take some space if you need but please don’t throw away 6 amazing years of love.
4 comments
It’s good that you got your feelings out, but one letter — no matter how well written — is not going to make or break your relationship. The relationship will be saved, if it is to be saved, because both of the people in it decide to do the long, slow, hard work of addressing whatever problems exist. That will take weeks or maybe months.
So, while I understand you’re looking for an immediate solution, an immediate solution is just not in the cards. I’m sorry, but it’s not. You need to really hear him for a long time and give him all the space he needs.
It seems like his action was out of desperation. I bet this wasn’t the first time he has mentioned it as it would be irrational to just act like that(throwing the whole relationship away) without even trying. So you most probably made promises before that it would change and nothing did. You have to give him a reason to believe you that things will change this time. Read more about anxious and abandon attachment styles. You might relate to it a bit.
If a relationship is more stress than fulfillment before you’re married, why get married.. Not feeling loved by the person you’re in love with, is a lonely place to be.
Op can I ask what was your intimacy like outside the bedroom being made to feel like you are loved doesn’t just happen in the bedroom. Were you not physical outside the bedroom as well. If my fiancée was a SA survivor and struggled with sex that is something I can work with and have great empathy for. However if she is not remotely loving and affectionate outside the bedroom I would be asking serious of questions of my relationship. Sorry just wanted to ask.