(burner account for this one btw)
I honestly don’t know where to start except to state the obvious which is that I’m a huge clown. It hasn’t been a week yet, and I’m starting to catch feelings for my roommate. Let’s call him Pence. I also want to preface this by saying that he doesn’t know I’m bi (I act more masculine and he hasn’t asked me about my sexuality so).
To be honest, I don’t even know if these are considered feelings. I find it bizarre how I was able to catch feelings for Pence in less than 72 hours since I first met him. Is it because I’m just lonely? Or is it because I’m seeking validation? Or maybe because I wanna be in a relationship? Or maybe because I just like the idea of him? Or maybe I’m actually in love? All of the above? Yeah, I don’t know anymore.
It’s gotten to the point where it’s toxic for me. Like I suffer from lots of social anxiety and am wondering if he’s talking about stuff behind my back and it hurts me seeing him with other people along with checking his social media all the time. Like he’s pretty cute and his personality is likeable a lot but I also struggle to communicate with him at times.
And don’t forget he’s straight (as much as my heart wants to believe there’s a chance he’s bi), so this just makes it even more awkward. Ok maybe, there’s a slight chance he’s bi, but I’m not going to go down that path because I really want out of this right now.
I still have a brain though. I know this is childish behavior and that it’s super toxic & unhealthy for me. So, I’ve made it my mission to avoid him for the past couple of days but that’s harder said than done. I’ve avoided the dorms all day and went to the library & gym, but it still doesn’t change the fact that I see him in the mornings and that I sleep in the same room as him. Like I’ve simped on other boys before, and the only way out of me “moving on” was to just simply avoid them and pretend they don’t exist. But I can’t do that this time, because he’s literally living in the same room with me.
Which is why I’m kind of stuck. Yes I have feelings (or whatever else I wanna call them) for him, but I really don’t want to. I know he’s straight and I know I am not ready for a relationship, no matter how much my heart tries to tell me I am. And I don’t know how to shake off those feelings since I can’t avoid him.
tl;dr : I have a crush on my straight roommate and I want to shake off those feelings because it’s starting to take a huge toll on my mental health. But how would I do that when I’m literally *living with him*?
1 comment
I hate that I have experience to respond to this. I was in a similar situation with my freshman roommate.
In terms of shaking off these feelings, there’s a couple things you can do. I see you’re already trying to physically distant, that’s good. You also need to distance yourself mentally. Don’t jump to answer texts or calls, just answer when you’re finished with whatever you’re doing. Go out with other friends or dive into one of your hobbies. If you’re seeing a therapist, bring up the questions you posed in your second paragraph. They might have some ideas on how to help you through the next several months.
Also, speaking as an older gay, do NOT chase straight guys. Just don’t. It’s nothing but heartbreak and risk of getting physically hurt. There’s plenty of cute AND gay guys out there. Chase them. If he’s bi he’ll have to come out to you in his own time. Until then, assume he’s straight and not a dating candidate.