I(27f) left my boyfriend of six years 28(m) because he was psychologically abusive to me.
I had been in the relationship for so long it was thought this was as good as it was going to get. Over the period of two years I dealt with the grief of knowing the person I was with was not ultimately the person for me and that our life together could burst any second.
He wasn’t what you’d expect as an abusive partner, he loved me and I know he did. He put in the effort, time and interest into our life, used to make plans for the future and for a good while that was enough to keep me with him.
You see, he called me beautiful and told me he loved me often. But during arguments he’d get super defensive and scream at me or throw things to the ground. He’s broken my sunglasses, and other things I don’t remember in a fit of anger. He would use demeaning words to address me and all of that really hurt me. I told him that words did hurt me but he kept insisting they were just words and made it sound like I was the dumb one for letting that get to me.
He kept my experience of all of this as a caricature and me being dramatic so he could ignore how I actually felt.
One day one of my friends had a gesture of kindness and understanding in the exact situation my partner would’ve gotten frustrated/angry with me.
Once I realized what they’d done for me, I finally decided to leave my boyfriend.
it took too long for me to understand that the softness and patience in a relationship aren’t too much to ask.
TLDR My bf was psychologically abusive and now I’m scared to navegate a healthy relationship. How do you approach healthy attachment?
2 comments
Therapy or counseling
You have to take it day-by-day. Be aware of your triggers, and counseling is a must.