May sound dumb, but this is how I know. There’s some girl he used to full around with, I saw he liked something she shared on Facebook. I instantly wanted to snoop through his shit. I know this is the smallest/ dumbest thing and the fact that I want to do this shows I don’t trust him. What do I do
Edit- it was just a status she shared. He liked that and that was the only thing.
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Snoop away, if you don’t feel you trust him. You need to know. I would. Well I do, not gonna lie, I check her phone frequently (I have good reason not to trust her)
Why not ask him about her.
I love my wife and trust her with my life.
Would still probably snoop through her ex’s facebook page in your situation.
Trust isn’t some magic thing that you just “have.” It’s built over time and needs occasional maintenance, even for the best of us. Everytime you check and find nothing, the easier it gets.
Nothing wrong with snooping idc what anyone says. But if and when you do and it doesn’t alleviate your concerns you need to have a calm, non accusatory conversation with your husband.
Believe it or not men and women do hinky, inappropriate shit all the time and never even realize they are doing it. A gentle check on their actions can make them snap to reality and realize “oh crap, that was wrong and I’d hate it if my spouse did it. I gotta do better”
It’s not small and it’s not dumb for you to he upset. I can’t think of any good reason for a happily married man to he showing interest in former flames.
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Now I’m curious.. what was it a status of that he liked? To me, I suppose the context might make a difference to me….
I will admit that every situation is different though…
I have a rule that goes both ways. Whoever we were once intimate with in any which manner prior to our relationship needs to be cut completely out of each others life. That means not following on social, having bs conversations etc. This is how you respect each other and “protect” your relationship from devilish games. Nothing good will ever come from associating with people you were once intimate with. They will not pay your bills, guide/ protect your family, etc. Your feelings are valid and you feel this way for a legitimate reason. You see a potential weakness and you want to protect yourself and family from treats. Just let him know that although it might seem small to him to unfollow her it will mean the world to you.
You don’t fully trust the person you’re with if you feel the need to snoop through their stuff to find dirt or make sure there isn’t any dirt. It is completely normal to have access to each other’s devices in case the other person ever needs to use it though. But to dig for dirt? That’s a lack of trust.
I’m not a fan of “snooping.”
If you have trust issues it’s to both of your benefits to explore this more
If you snoop and find something you don’t like, that’s on you. He has the right to privacy, and liking a status makes you look jealous and very petty.
Do you not like him liking updates regarding this one person or every women’s updates?
1. You need to tell him it bothered you, to be honest.
2. You need to be vunerable with him and give him a chance to earn your trust.
3. You need to take a leap of faith and choose to trust. Come what be, you cannot control everything and everyone. He has to make his choices. He has to choose the kind of man he is. He had to choose to be loyal. None of that is in your control. If you can’t do this, then you need therapy, so you can learn how to take a leap of faith.
Social media really does ruin lives. You guys both should delete the social media if this is causing marital trust issues.
If you aren’t comfortable with him liking her status then you aren’t comfortable with them being friends on social media. Talk to him about what it would look like for him if he deleted her from those platforms. I’d just start there. I find that you can always conceive of something wrongly if you snoop. That’s personal experience.
It’s ok to be sensitive about an ex but all he’s doing is liking a newspaper article. I personally wouldn’t say anything as it seems a little controlling.
If it’s just a ‘like,” I wouldn’t worry about it. I’m friends on social media with one of my exes. I 100% wouldn’t get with him because I love my husband and because this guy and I broke up for a reason.
It really depends on context, are you talking about someone he used to full around with when he was 16 and now you guys are in your 50s?
Are you talking about someone he fooled around with while he was in a relationship with you?
I think those two differences can either draw the line between having personal insecurities and having legitimate concerns.
Like I said it really depends on context, you haven’t really given enough information to be able to split hairs
I dont trust mine either. He is just too handsome. Its the price.
Smh…. What trust long gone now 😁🤣
If your getting the ‘feels’ something is up, when you usually never do. It’s usually allllways right. Snooping is fine, it’ll save you wasted time. It’s only wrong if your unhealthily stalking your husband and snooping.
Maybe it’s not necessarily him and you just have trust issues in general?
I mean you’re not going through his phone
You’re just doing some sleuthing on publicly accessible information
I thought that too until I found Facebook messages to a lady that was more than a little friendly. Nothing ever transpired from it and we were going through a really tough time back then. We worked past it and have been happily married for two years now. I know that he deeply regrets his actions but I have learnt to never blindly trust a man again. I will always be cautious and I have come to terms with that.
I had this same feeling as you over a picture of his she liked. My intuition was absolutely SCREAMING at me that there was something to it.
Turns out there was.
Just a 5 year emotional affair our entire relationship.
Always trust your instincts.
Must be Jess.. so Jo Jenn Jess wow
Dm me Im in a very similar situation
Sometimes our spouse need to be our blind spot.
Snoop snoop snoop
Your husband shouldn’t be Facebook friends with someone he used to sleep with. That’s already crossing a line.
This is such a gray area. You know snooping is wrong but sometimes you feel the need to do it for peace of mind but then you start questioning yourself. Clearly there are trust issues and you need to ask yourself at what level you’re at with your trust issues. Maybe go talk to someone to figure out where it’s coming from unless you have a clear understanding where your issues stem from maybe you can get help working through it. But it’s a rough spot to be in because sometimes our own thoughts sabotage our peace of mind.
I know the feeling
Snoop. Thats what I did when my gut told me my husband of 19 years was cheating on me. He certainly was cheating. I found all the info I could and then he was not able to lie to me any more than he already had been.
Hold up, OP do you mind explaining what you mean: “There’s some girl he used to full around with” I’m thinking you meant fool around, but please explain that part.
Did he have an affair with her, actual sex, or did they date before he met you? This information would help me form a better opinion. Fool around is too vague.
Off the top, I think exes should stay exes regarding social media, makes things simpler that way.
I am not a proponent of snooping. I’ve done it only once and I don’t ever want to be in a relationship with someone who makes me feel like I have to snoop through his things ever again. However, I understand where you are coming from given the history your husband shares with this woman and how, despite knowing how you felt about their connection, he chose not to break it off on all social media, just IG.
My ex was the same. I spent months and months communicating how his actions made me feel (following ex hook ups, random women online and liking their provocative photos). Whatever change he made was temporary. He also remained friends with them on FB despite unfollowing on IG. I also discovered later on that he kept liking their provocative posts on IG even after he had unfollowed them. That was just desperate and embarrassing.
That, among many other things ruined our relationship. In a relationship, I would think that your partner comes first – not your ex flings or random women online who you barely know and barely know you. Them unfollowing those people no longer in their lives on social media would take absolutely nothing from them. In addition, if it’s for the peace of mind of their current partner, what is stopping them?
Speak to him and let him know how it makes you feel. Make it clear what you need from him. All the best.