It’s well known that when you ask questions during a conversation, the other person feels heard, valued, and appreciated. Sometimes, my mind goes blank after someone is done saying something. I don’t know what to ask, but if I’m lucky, I might ask a fairly “boring” question that falls flat with a simple response. Or, once they respond, I’m not sure where to take it from there. This isn’t true 100% of the time (if the conversation is specific to something I’m passionate about and have already been exposed to).
This pattern has always stuck with me, even in school, I found it difficult to ask any additional questions other than the information given to me despite knowing I DON’T know everything and there is more to learn. I think the link between learning something entirely new and question paralysis is pretty strong. How can I find questions to ask 1) when someone is talking and I’m trying to learn from them–and it takes me some time to understand 2) that are meaningful, even if I don’t quite understand?
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Don’t ask questions that can be done with a Google search or that can be answered with a yes or no. So formulate your questions to not get those answers.
Remember the 5 W’s and H? Who? What? Where? When? Why? How? Forget all of them except for two–What and How. The others can be answered with one word and ‘why’ can be very accusatory causing people to “feel” defensive like they have to put their guard up. So use it sparingly.
When you have to ask your questions using only what and how you’ll start to feel like you’re actually trying and using energy.
When you’re speaking to someone, have the mindset of “this is the world according to them” and let that mindset guide your questioning.