So, I’ve been vibrators for a while now. My husband doesn’t know. I’m embarrassed to tell him. I’ve always been quick to orgasm with him, but recently I’ve been having a hard time. He always gets me to a couple times before penetration, but I can’t get there. I have the “satisfyer” from Adam and Eve and omg, I have those toe tingling orgasms sometimes so intense I almost black out and I have to stop. Anyway, any ladies out there been ashasmed of these things finally get the guts to tell your partner? I don’t know how to go about it.
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Nothing to be ashamed about. Have you thought about mentioning to him to go to an adult store together, or look together online?
When my wife and I were dating, she was quite clear with me that she has never been able to orgasm from penetration alone. I was like, no problem, I also have fingers and a tongue, and we’ve sexed happily ever after. 😎
Seriously, it’s a common thing, and there’s zero shame in it. Nor should your husband feel like he’s doing something wrong. Anatomically, many women just aren’t built for it, and that’s okay. FWIW, some of the most fun my wife and I have together involves her use of toys while I delay my own climax.
My SO is the same… For a while we stopped using the toy at all after a couple of weeks she achieved an orgasm or two… But it took forever. We went back to the toy. Now she was almost exclusively a toy user for about 25 years before I met her… So it is what it is. I feel a bit inadequate needing assistance to please her but I understand. So maybe try putting the toy away for a few weeks and see what happens. But I would also talk to your husband.
While I think there’s absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying sex toys either as a couple or solo, at all, when the situation is a man who cannot orgasm from sex with a partner but can do it by himself, the advice is almost always “you’re too used to doing it yourself. Stop for a while and you’ll re-sensitize yourself to your partner.
So…my advice here is the same thing; if you said you had NEVER been able to climax with your husband then yes, I would also be saying that you just need to work out how to bring toys into your bedroom together, but the fact that he used to be able to get you to orgasm multiple times and now suddenly can’t, that points to the female version of “death grip”, i.e. over-reliance on your toys so that your body has forgotten how to react to any other stimulation. My advice is to stop for a while and re-discover your bodily response to your husband’s touch. Couple your reliance on your toys with you being embarrassed to tell your husband about them suggests that you now see your orgasm as something private rather than something to be shared, which will of course block your mind from orgasming with your husband. You need to rediscover that feeling, even if it starts by you masturbating to orgasm with your husband in the room with you. You need to relearn to orgasm in a situation that is anything other than 100% solitary and private.
It’s great that you explore your sexuality but it seems to have a negative impact on your sex life together.
So either you could open up about it to your husband or maybe go a little slower / cut down the solo sessions.
Sounds like lady deathgrip. Maybe its time to give the satisfyer a break and reset your sensitivity
I’m going to guess that I’m the only one who thinks that sometimes toys just need to be put away and used MUCH MORE SPARINGLY so that the both of you can still enjoy each other without running the risk of a toy(s) making the live sex feel not so good? The toys are meant to be pleasure giving machines that can beat the pants off of any woman or man. IF you are using the toy to the extent that it makes sex with your partner feel less pleasurable…then it’s time to put the toys away for awhile – possibly permanently. Toys should be an enhancement for a couple – not competition or a substitute.
If you want the orgasms that are all by yourself, I guess you’re just going to keep doing what you’re doing.
If you want to have some sort of satisfying sexual relationship from your husband, throw the toys away and work with him to have the best sex possible between the two of you.
You clearly aren’t going to have both, so you’re going to have to decide what’s most important to you.
You should bring out the toy and ask him to use it on you. On the other hand you should take break from them every now and then. I let myself use them for a few weeks then away they go for a month or so.