Hi, I have an online friend with whom I feel really close and I enjoy talking to him a lot. We have been talking to each other for 2 months. He says i am a good friend for him, not close. I also do not have many irl friends whereas he has lots of irl friends too.To be honest, this thing hurts. Even he has said to me that I deliberately try to be a close friend by texting him daily and asking so many questions about his personal life and have high expectations but I can’t do anything about it. He also already has a lot of close online friends with whom he has had a few meetups. He has been friends with them for a couple of years. What do I do about this friendship? He wants me to go with the flow and not have any expectations and stay cool and just not try to be a close friend, whatever is supposed to happen, will happen. I’ve also ranted too much about my loneliness, insecurities and not having good irl friends which I think has irritated him a bit. He’s said I kinda deliberately rushed things to try to become a close friend of his but that happens naturally and with time. He also says he is comfortable in sharing things about his personal life with me. He says he does not want to hurt me and he thinks if he will open up, my expectations will increase and I’ll be hurt cuz he is not regular and irresponsible as a friend in general. What do you guys think? Shall I continue being friends with him? Do you think we can become close friends as time passes by?
Just posted this a few days ago but I guess I need to tell the entire point of view of my friend to get clear advice
2 comments
From what I see, its not really much of a give and take relationship. You and him have different setting where he has a lot to talk to while you do not so its a matter of perspective that’s why he said those things to you. Kind of mean I guess since he’s not on the same position as you so he wouldn’t really give the same energy you’re expressing.
My advice for you is that to let go of this friendship while it’s not tarnished? or ruined by a possible argument you guys can have and end up hurting yourself or your friend. You mention that he’s not really an irresponsible friend in general so he’s aware what may happen if you guys continue this.
I was like you. I constantly tried to be close to someone who didn’t feel the same about me. It’s only gonna hurt you more, if you keep expecting him to be your closest friend.
You say you don’t have many irl friends, so maybe you’re being too attached to him? He’s right, you can’t really force these things, they happen naturally. But if you really wanna be his close friend, but he’s not ready for it, maybe find someone who’s that into you? But I am not sure if that’s healthy.
Someone on Reddit told me about a year ago that expecting to talk to someone daily (who isn’t your SO) isn’t normal. I didn’t accept it at that time, but it’s true. You can have small talk on a regular basis, but that too if you guys are really close. You have different expectations from him and this friendship, I’d say try to make new friends.