My girlfriend has a disgusting history, at 16 she let a 53 year old eat her out, at 17 she smoked meth and fucked a 28 yr old homeless man for 6 months, and then after her dad ended that, she got drunk with another 28yo and fucked him then spent the next 6 mo with him, while going to school with me (17 at the time but 18 now). We have been together for almost 5 months now and she is awesome, but her past haunts us both and has caused quite a few shitty conversations about her past. Anybody know of any ways to work past these things because I love her and want us to work.
26 comments
She has to live with it, you can either get over it and move on or be another part of her shitty past. Just another d-bag that dumped a broken woman for something better, a real nice way to treat a person. We all have shit we would rather forget, you would simply be adding to her already traumatic past and most likely embolden her belief that she isn’t worth anything and never will be. Worst case scenario – you could be they guy that dumps her, breaks her will and she ends up committing suicide or goes back to drugs and OD’s to get over or through the pain. You never know. Don’t be that guy.
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You’re way to judgmental to be in this relationship
I can’t stop laughing. This is utterly magnificent
A lot of us don’t have pasts to be proud of and she confided in you thinking she could trust you, don’t let that be a mistake on her part as I’m sure she’s insecure and ashamed of herself for it. And now you’re putting it up on reddit for whoever to see..
You stay with her and work through it, meaning don’t think about it or worry about it because it’s in the past where it belongs. Think about the future together and what you both want out of it, there’s so many other things to focus on other than that.
I’m sorry for the idiots in the comments, they clearly can’t read.
The fact that you would stay with someone with this past just tells how much you love her.
I don’t have any specific advice to give, and I don’t know what you’ve tried yet, but I would suggest that she tried therapy.
As well you have been together for less than half a year. Healing these things takes a very long time, what is important is that you show her that you care and that you support her no matter what. Even if you guys get angry at each other it’s important that you realize that you or she are getting angry and just stop the conversation right there. Maybe take a walk and talk about it when you are called. Communication is key. Don’t hesitate to tell her how you’d else about things and let her know she can do the same.
This may sound bad but if she does go back to doing these things despite you trying, and if it takes a toll on you, it’s absolutely okay to step away, maybe or maybe not permanently. Your mental health and your future comes first. If she doesn’t want to fix things (and by that I don’t just mean her saying it, I mean her actually taking action and trying) then you can’t fix it for her
Idk this sounds like a chick who yeah had some mental issues but was really trying to gobble stuff down. I mean a dude going after old ladies is probably messed up but that dude HORNY HORNY. But really enough jokes, stuff had to be Sooooo messed up for that to happen and I’m so sorry for her. She will heal. She will grow, she is not less, just let her know those things.
No judgement op, messed up past, your sticking with her rn out of love. You called the past disgusting and not her. (Hopefully she doesn’t have your Reddit or Anything) here’s my thing be what she needs. Be a good man. That’s all. As for the stuff, just forget it and move on. Or rather accept it as something that happened and go forward. I had a class on trauma and PTSD, my unit has had a lot of suicides. He said to us “devils, your PTSD ain’t gonna get better whenever you get it cuz you will, you just learn to manage it, accept it and move forward” I can text you the guys number. He teaches people how to deal with trauma and I think that I sat in on that lecture for one, my Marines but two, you. Dm me. That Mf went through some heinous shit and who knows, maybe it would do some good.
You do realize the relationships she was in were predatory, right? And that a legal adult of the ages you said having sex with your underage girlfriend is rape, right? And doubly so if she was under the influence and couldn’t consent.
Right?
Um wow. You’re pretty harsh to call her past disgusting. It honestly sounds like she was a victim of abuse, was taken advantage of and probably has trauma. Who knows what events led her to being so vulnerable and exposed she ran to these men but she probably would benefit with therapy. You on the other hand seem kinda judgy and should avoid talking about her past with her because it will probably make her feel ashamed.
Dont see it as “her horrible disgusting past” see it as a young girl who was clearly being groomed and used. She was a kid and grown men took advantage of that. As you mentioned, yea she let them do it but the blame and fault falls only on the grown ass men that thought that was okay. See it as a traumatizing past, a kid who didnt know any better. Shes now with you and trusting you so instead of judging her, talk to her, make sure shes okay, maybe she’d like to talk about her past and process how she was taken advantage of but cant do that if you’re going to be grossed out.
If you can’t get over the past then you shouldn’t be with her. That’s it.
Dude you’re girlfriend was fucking preyed upon by these adult men and you think her past is “disgusting?” Fuck off. Have some compassion for Christ sake.
So older predators preyed on a minor and because you are also young and immature you blame her for it?
She needs the help of a professional that has experience with sexually exploited minors to help her. You can’t fix her. You can love and support her, but being judgemental and blaming her isn’t helping
You can fix this by not being mad at the victim and support her if you care so much
She didn’t “let them” do anything. She was a minor who was preyed on and assaulted by adults. She’s a victim. She’s going to need a lot of therapy likely to be able to heal from her past, and she doesn’t need you to blame her or make her feel awful about what happened to her. If you’re going to stay with her then support her getting therapy, and get couples therapy.
How does her past haunt you? Do people recognize her while at the grocery store or something? Is she trading sex for substances?
I don’t think you’re whole “idk what to do” is properly explained.
OP, it is your choice. If you can’t accept her past and know that it will always makes you uncomfortable and sad – leave. If you’re ready to be a savior, keep this relationship.
Try to get both of you into the mindframe of working on now and the future. The past influences how we feel etc but it doesn’t control it. You control how you move forward from shitty things in our past. Most people have shitty things in their past so it’s really up to both of you to work on that part together if you want it to work.
Uh, you’re a child and don’t understand that people come from traumatic backgrounds and do/experience traumatic things as a result…
The only advice I can give you is to break up with her because you’re a child. Judging her trauma is actually traumatizing her more.
Also, she didn’t “let” a 53 year old eat her out. She was molested by an old man.
You don’t love her because you don’t know what love is NOT. Love is not “being haunted” by her past. Love is not thinking she has a “disgusting history”.
She needs a therapist and adults who actually love her to support her.
You? You just need to get lost. You don’t have the emotional or cognitive maturity to be in any kind of intimate relationship with another human being. You lack empathy. You personalize events that have nothing to do with you
Why does her past haunt you? If she’s not doing those things currently and you love her and she loves you what is the problem?
Sounds like a young girl with substance abuse issues and as a result she was ruthlessly preyed upon by disgusting men. You can either sit in judgment of her and step aside or help her heal her broken self. The choice is yours. I hope that she finds a man that’s man enough to stand by her and walk with her through her obviously traumatic past.
Bro you’re a shitty ass partner. Instead of advising her to seek out help you sit here and degrade her past giving people a fucking reason to think she’s disgusting without even mentioning what would’ve caused her to go through this. She was a victim of groomers and drug abuse. And then you have the audacity to go to the comments and say you’re not calling her disgusting? Wtaf.
I love how everyone here is saying that she was preyed on, as if she didn’t have a choice to not see those guys in the first place.
1) I don’t think your girlfriend is real, and I don’t think your story is real;
2) I think that the fictional boyfriend in this scenario should leave his fictional girlfriend, because he obviously has contempt for her and her choices. He’s also unconcerned with the fact that she was sexually abused at the age of 16, and describes her victimization as something that *he* is haunted by. I hope he doesn’t exist. But you know who does? Someone who wrote a tale clearly designed to make us feel contempt for the girlfriend, when in fact he’s the contemptible one.
You might want to post this in r/MomForaMinute because you’re only 18 years old and these commenters are just attacking you when you really just need guidance. I would write it out again more thought out and with more detail and explain what your goal is/what you need help with, since since I saw you said you wrote this quickly and it didn’t come across how you meant it to.
Hey I just wanted to say I’m sorry that you’re not getting any help. You’re both really young and it’s understandable that you are second guessing, especially with the drugs being involved. If you’re not able to handle her past (which really hasn’t been that long ago) then that’s okay. There’s a lot to unpack and you just might not be able to work through it as a couple.
I know you weren’t intentionally bashing her but the wording was pretty rough and gave a bad impression.
Definitely go to one of the mom for a minute subs, super helpful and supportive.