I fell in love with a video game addict. We met through a mutual friend on discord. We used to just spend lots of time messaging one another, or would watch him play games, or we would have phone conversations, and Face Time one another. Eventually we met up in person and spent some time together at least once a month that way too.
He later on informed me that he loved video games so much. It is his escape from this shitty world. I was completely understanding as we all have addictions to something i.e. lots of people are addicted to social media and scrolling for hours.
Well as time went on..things started to slow down. He was spending more time playing video games and spending less time with me. At first he would say he had a long day at work and would rather have some alone time. Which was understandable. We initially were hanging just about every weekend out of the week online. Then eventually it decreased… we were only hanging once a week every other week. Even then… It was like pulling teeth to get him to agree even with that. Also we were hardly ever making attempts to see one another in person. I knew things were going rough for him mentally so didn’t say anything. I tried to make an attempt to learn and play the games he does to hopefully get closer to him and his world. To see what he sees and feels.
Finally after a few more months, it started to REALLY wear on me. I thought maybe he was meeting other people in the game, was there something unattractive about me? (he and I weren’t having sex anymore or even sexually flirtations. And when I asked him about it. He usually said “I just don’t feel very good about myself today. Maybe some other time”. Eventually I brought it up and expressed my feelings of missing spending time with him. So he made an attempt to hang out a bit more.. but I could tell he would rather be on his video games alone. Eventually approached him again and I asked if he was seeing someone else through video games he said no. Then one day he sat me down and said that his video game addiction isn’t going to go away, it is who he is. He loves them so much. It’s the one place he gets to feel good and finally be by himself and being something else after a long day at work. The love, understanding, and caring attention that I gave him was making him feel guilty because he wasn’t matching up with that. So he let me go.
I’d never been more heartbroken.
4 comments
Well ….maybe make it a criteria for the next guy you date that he doesn’t play video games.
If it bothers you then this is not something you would like to have in a relationship. Have a serious conversation with him and see if he changes for you. Regardless, it seems like you guys’ love language don’t match, and it’s going to be difficult
I was in a similar dating position at one time.. and I was the one that was receding from my partner. If his situation is anything like mine was, he was feeling one of two ways:
A. No longer feeling invested in the relationship and was using video games as an excuse to avoid the pain of hurting someone else’s feelings. It’s a pretty cowardly thing to, but it’s incredibly easy to point to video games (or work or other hobbies) as a way of cutting oneself of from the relationship.
B. Is actually a video game addict. In that case, there isn’t much hope here unless he wants to get himself help or find a way to cut back on usage. He made his choice, and he chose video games, and he had the decency to tell you. Facing the world is difficult, and in time, he might decide to change his mind, but I wouldn’t wait for him.
I’m sorry that it was such a heartbreaking experience. I’ve heard people say these types of discord > in person relationships aren’t real, but they are very much wrong. You gave it your best chance with a person you really liked. In time, they may appreciate what they had, but you’re better off with someone who gives you the proper attention a partner deserves. Best of luck out there
Back in the day, they used to call it being a WoW Widow.
Leave him to his true love of gaming, and go find your own in the primary world. It’s not worth fighting it.