Men who grew up without a father/male figure around. How and why has it affected your relationships?

13 comments

1. My absent father had no influence on my relationships – but my present mother.

2. Now I look suspiciously at any male entering or leaving my house.

3. I grew up with women and I say that I understand women better than the average man.

4. Propably alot. But idk i cant properly tell what i missed although in some cases some males advice or opinion wouldve been nice i guess.

5. The only effect I can think of is that it made me determent to be a good father when I become one. And I refuse the give my kids my last name. That dies with me.

6. Pretty negatively. Once I’d become self aware, I think my views on relationships became healthier.

   I also projected father figure roles to people subconsciously. That’s not healthy, because those people have no reason to be around you, or stay in touch if you or they leave, so it feels like abandonment. Being aware of that helped because I had to be self reliant, and not focus on how other people will think of me. Only person I should worrying about disappointing is myself.

7. It had no effect on me. My dad died when I was quite young, so I didn’t have a familial role model for the most part, but my mum and grandad taught me well, so I never found it caused me any problems.

8. Recently I’ve been ghosted. That made me realize how hesitant I am to not say a single thing that may get her to scream at me and over exaggerate until I get fired, humiliated or whatever irrational. Cause all she wanted was sex. And fucking hell I wanted some too.

   When I was a kid, I grew up with an abusive bitter women talking to me like I’m a bartender, calling me a male pig (that one in particular was my mothers special) and otherwise made me into a quiet obedient boy that served as a punching bag on occasions.

   I mean… I have another woman waiting for me and reaching out for months now. Again, just sex. All I gotta do is text “I’m omw.” and I can’t do it. All I can think about is a lot of what ifs.
   And another much younger that’s very into me for a year now. A younger chick particularly scares me. She can make up anything to get back at me.

   See the pattern? Sure. In the past, when I was still in my head, I was apparently chatting up these girls in daily routine without understanding that. It’s natural for me make you laugh and make you feel good.
   Over the time, so many of them didn’t talk to me. They just dodged eye contact or were visibly angry. Somehow they thought I was pulling their nose for attention and/or I was a player. Gossip of all sorts.

   Now the kicker. I’m 29. A virgin. 190cm tall. 70kg. 10km bicycle every day is my transport so I’m struggling to gain weight. But lean and strong. Lucky that I inherited my mothers face. Still only recently I’ve been able to accept a compliment “You’re pretty” , up until now I thought it was something people say to everyone for comfort.
   But no, the older I get, the more looks and offers keep floating my way. It really seems to take off when I speak, had an issue with that before. Transformed beautifully though, proud of that one. I’ve became the one everyone shuts up when I start to speak.

   Yet I feel alone. I feel like it’s impossible. Like not going for it is preventing a problem. Doesn’t help that I’m still poor so that’s one more excuse to float around.

   I don’t know how to end this post. I’m sorry it’s a mess. A dark hole has been opened. I lost control. And yes, there’s a whole book/movie material hidden in my childhood. Currently I’m mortified as to where and how to post and share my writtings of any kind since I’m passionate about it even outside my past. Just got the mind for it and nobody to make me hit the breaks, yknow?

   Edit: Im thinking commedy…

9. Sometimes I see colleagues that are older than me like role models too easlily.

10. I don’t have them ( with women )

    Like… It’s complicated. I wouldn’t blame that on a father figure, though.

11. From what I see around all the time, my guess is things only could have been worse. I don’t have a lot of the same insecurities as other men seem to, and I can bond with women on their level. I had generally negative experiences with men growing up, dad included, so I leaned towards keeping women as friends rather than other men.

12. Thanks all for your comments. Maybe I wasn’t specific enough.. but I meant loving relationships rather than just colleagues or friends or other men x

13. I don’t know how to talk to women. Never had that dad figure to ask tbh.