Hey so, I’m feeling a bit crappy and just wanted to dump my feelings and hopefully gain some advice.

I noticed my boyfriend calls another girl ‘kitten’. He’s unlocked his phone around me and I noticed it’s his facebook nickname for her and he’d reply to her messages calling her kitten. It sort of just makes me feel uncomfortable that he is calling someone else a cutesy nickname. We don’t do anything like that however I wouldn’t want to force it either.

I guess I am not her biggest fan right now either because my boyfriend and I are having a tough time. I am looking at getting a job in a different country sometime next year which has been tough on us (for personal reasons he wouldn’t be ready to move in a year, and I’m uncertain if I *can* or *want* to delay living abroad for a year). She recently invited a few of my closest friends, a few of my roommates, and my boyfriend to a games night to make him feel better about all of this, however I was excluded from an invitation. This also hurt my feelings and I suppose is something my anxious brain has latched onto causing me to not trust her and feel hurt. I also recently found out that they used to have a romantic past which has worsened my spiralling.

I have brought this up to my boyfriend and he said he appreciated me opening up. Initially he asked if I didn’t trust him and this made me feel awful, I thought I did – does this mean I don’t? I’m sick of feeling like my insecurities ruin everything, I feel like I have a tendency to feel jealous. I asked for some reassurance which was nice and he was super understanding and assured me the whole nickname thing wasn’t flirtatious.

I think I am just really over my brain causing problems for myself. I almost want people to confirm that it’s weird just to fuel the anxious fire, if that makes any sense? I’m unsure why I’m like this and what to do about it. I’m trying hard to be honest with myself and others but it just feels crap.

19 comments

  1. You tell him that you don’t appreciate him calling another woman “kitten” and he deflects by asking you if you don’t trust him. That’s manipulation girl.

    You’re not being unreasonable here imo.

  2. >Initially he asked if I didn’t trust him and this made me feel awful

    That’s him being caught in the act and spinning it round to make himself the victim. You’re insecurities are there for a reason, if I caught my partner calling someone else a cute nickname, especially kitten, that’d be a rather worryingly large no no.

  3. They don’t have appropriate boundaries for a platonic friendship. If they aren’t already cheating (emotionally or physically), they are on track for it.

    Her excluding you from activities looks like trying to distance you from that group. “Kitten” is NOT an appropriate nickname for a platonic friend. It also sounds like he might use your anxiety and insecurity to gaslight you- don’t know just based off of this post, but please keep an eye out.

    Overall, I think if things are going this way and you’re moving in a year anyway, life has presented a natural end to this relationship. The stars have aligned and it seems quite fitting to move on.

  5. We live in a society now where people expressing their boundaries as insecure.
    This is some BS telling you thank you for expressing your concerns with me. He should be apologizing rather than being thankful.
    What?!
    Remove the insecurity card from your head as you are 1000% correct to be feeling this way!

    As a man I have never called any woman cute names unless I am interested in her romantically.

  6. Sounds to me like this girl is trouble. Kitten? Really?

    It’s clear what the intentions are by excluding you. I assume she knows you are together. It would not shock me if there is something more going on with these two, perhaps a backup for when you leave abroad

  7. Ahahahaha. Why am I laughing? Cause I was you.

    I dated a girl just a few years ago. We’ll call her Kay.

    Anyways Kay was a nice girl and very smart. She had this pretty hot guy friend We’ll call him Aden. Anyways, Aden and her were very close. But she assured me they were platonic. It wasn’t until I realized he called her Dove that it seemed weird. I questioned her about it and found out he called her these things. He also would send her things he called “sexy pictures” such as him being out the shower. Then I found out they had a past. I took no shit at the time and put my foot down and told her I was no longer comfortable with her being friends with him. Of course I wasn’t gonna make her drop her friend but I was going to leave as I no longer felt this relationship was right for me. She begged me not to and dropped him. So I felt guilty and decided to stay. Worst decision I ever made. Let’s just say that girl did some things and when I finally seen her for what she was, I dumped her. Then not too long after she was plowing Aden.

    Kitten is far worst and far more romantic than Dove I’ll add. And the fact that “Kitten” didn’t invite you says enough. Idk why your boyfriend would ever be friends with her after this. I’d dump him and dip out the country today. “You don’t trust me” not anymore fuxkboi. Go to your Kitten, let her trust you xD

  8. All you’re doing is trying to suppress your boundaries. If it makes you uncomfortable than it should be of concern to your freaking boyfriend, of all people.

  10. Being weary of insecurities is good and helps you try to overcome them, jealousy being a common one.

    However this is way beyond you just being insecure. Especially nowadays ‘kitten’ has heavily sexual connotations online, the fact that your bf and friends got invited to hers but not you as well? Was your bf not batting for you in this case either?

    There is always the possibility that their relationship is platonic and the nickname is just a joke, but when you add everything up (him gaslighting you by trying to turn it around on you being paranoid, you being excluded from activities where he will see her, you admitting to your relationship being rocky at the minute, and him literally calling her kitten on chats.

    Something is up here, even if he hasnt acted on it yet physically. It sounds to me like they could both be grooming each other for a potential hook up or relationship, or at the very least he is bored in your relationship and is seeking the excitement of emotionally cheating on you with another woman.

    One telltale thing here also is the way he generally treats you vs talks to her. If you get the cold shoulder but he’s being all nicey nicey to another girl then hes emotionally cheating.

    I would say youd be justified in snooping on his phone to confirm either way if you got a chance. Im fairly confident you would find stuff in that chat that would cross many boundaries for you.

  15. She organised a game night with your boyfriend and closest friends, didn’t invite you, and he went anyway? That alone is a major red flag. Inviting your friends? Maybe she wants your life and your boyfriend is fine with her taking it. I would organise an event like that if my friend had broken up with someone, lost a relative or been made redundant, not because their partner may move to another country a few months before them. Maybe there’s some missing info but on the basis of what we have, that is super shady.

  16. Kitten? Is bro a discord mod? You should leave him for calling anyone kitten even if it was you lmao

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