Growing up, I watched my parents have a great marriage. They had their disagreements but they always gave each other everything they possibly could of themselves. I grew up to emulate this and it’s my belief that’s how a marriage should go.
Recently my wife and I have had some discussions about various parts of our relationship and I’ve come to the realization that it can’t be 100%. I live my life as an equal in/equal out person though I’ll always put in extra effort in the beginning of any relationship (professional or personal) until I have reason to do otherwise.
I’m not really looking for advice I guess, just getting things off my chest since I have no where to go with this. It’s going to be hard to say no to my spouse, but there are things in our marriage I’ve always done for the overall good even if there were things I wasn’t excited about. I’m sure it’ll look like it’s coming off as vindictive, but if my partner is allowed to say no to things then I’m allowed as well. Just a weird concept to me.
Anyway, happy hump day everyone.
5 comments
Say no to things like what? Like, no, I won’t help you clean up the kitchen? Or no, I don’t want to go to that antique fair with you?
Even though you’re married, you still get to set boundaries. I wouldn’t imagine being a doormat for your spouse is healthy. Saying no to something doesn’t take away from the love you have for one another, or at least it shouldn’t.
I think if you talked to your parents you would have seen the reality of their relationship also wasn’t just always going along with the other person. That isn’t really a reasonable expectation for any actual healthy relationship. You need to be able to compromise for each other and with each other. Setting boundaries is part of having mutual respect.
It sounds like you got hurt recently or have been feeling like a push over, I would be cautious and communicate how you are feeling openly to avoid falling into just playing a petty game of who can care less.
I would leave my husband if he expects me to say Yes to EVERYTHING.
What we saw our parents have isn’t necessarily what they really had. Unless you were one of them you don’t actually know. You know what you saw and only what you saw.