I have been sexually active with my boyfriend for about 8 months now and there was some predictions I made before that relationship about how our sex life going to be, some turned out to be false. Such as that I used to think I wouldn’t able to enjoy myself as much as my boyfriend wants me to, I get off very quickly, I would have tens of orgasms in half an hour with my boyfriend (its true!) I am very sensitive so It’s a bit hard for me to not act “against” it. For example, during foreplay/sex I would hold my boyfriend’s hand strongly, as if I am hinting that I don’t want him to rub me off anymore, but that’s not true. I also often end up saying “stop” (that is coming from my cnc kink. I also do it when I’m masturbating because I think of my boyfriend while doing so). I sometimes push him off but I made it clear to him that I want him to go on it’s just that I’m overwhelmed. Sometime I am too overwhelmed But I actually never ended up saying the safe word out of it. I kind of forget the word out of pleasure (dw we have “actions” for it if I forget it, or I could just say I forgot the safeword). But the feeling of not having a safeword is “exciting” to me. I don’t know what it is now. I just want him to be in control to the fullest. It’s like that I feel I am in too much control for having a safe word (which is not true, we both should have equal amount of control, even the submissive’s having the safe word and the ability to end the scene immediately is definitely control) but I “love” the feeling of fear I experience during it.
Is it too much? I wouldn’t even think about doing it if I didn’t trust my boyfriend to the fullest. He never actually hurt me, I am really submissive but he never “hit” or “slapped” me in a form of kink, even though I said I wouldn’t mind it. I guess he gave importance to the wording. He always does things that I say I would prefer, rather than the things I said I am just “comfortable” with happening
So is this too extreme? Maybe you guys can point out the stupidity of this situation because I can’t?
5 comments
I think you need a safe word, *for his sake* too
It’s great that you trust him. And it’s entirely possible nothing would ever go wrong. But what’s the *harm* in having a safe word? It doesn’t have to diminish the arousal and fear, IME
Being a Dom can be emotional for him too. And most good Doms I know insist on a safe word as much for their comfort as yours. Because it’s not fair to expect them to always know the difference based on your tone and body language. The *kind* thing to do is to help him by making sure he knows a *clear* signal to stop if needed.
I if you like to indulge in any form of aggressive rough kinky swx, like me, always have a safe word. You never know when something bad could happen or pain. Or in the case of a friend if mine a guy literally fucked the shit out of her. No safe word so her stops he thought was her kink and POP.
You need it. Imagine you started having a medical emergency. You don’t want to go through that or put someone else in the position of doing that to you when you’re clearly no longer aroused and enjoying it.
Always have a safeword.
You need a safeword and one that you will not forget. Maybe even a whole system, like the Red, Yellow, Green stoplight system. Do not take this for granted. Playing without a safety system is just irresponsible and dangerous. I get the thrill aspect, but that safety net is a part of communication and is a brake when emotional or physical states (for either of you), or the situation itself changes; and any of them can change suddenly and unexpectedly.