I need to figure out a way to be happy single. I’ve been trying for so long but every night I feel cripplingly lonely and it keeps getting worse.
I need to figure a way to live my life alone. Pets help but I can’t have pets in my apt. It feels so lonely here. How do you go about being satisfied alone? Is it possible for everyone?
44 comments
>I can’t talk to women, I can’t ask for numbers, I’m unattractive so dating apps don’t work, I’m scared of bars and clubs. It’s not getting better. I’m tired.
Its not like apps and bars and clubs are the only options. Unfortunately thats what everybody thinks because nobody is used to meeting people IRL anymore.
So, yes you can talk to women and you can ask for numbers. But without experience and reps, its not going to work out well. And without motivation and a decent attitude, nothing will change.
>How do you go about being satisfied alone?
By understanding what it feels like to not be alone. You cant enjoy one without the other.
The secret to be happy single is not having time to be sad about it. It won’t take the pain away but it will significatly reduce it.
But you don’t want to stay like that. It is important to never lose your hope completly and keep fighting the bad stuff. You can ask family or friends for help. Sounds like you have more than one problem and not every can be solved on its own.Being unable to speak to others isn’t normal, its usually somewhere in your head. You might need to look for professional help. I was there myself, its not easy.
Edit: I accidently posted my comment before finishing it. Whoops.
First, be able to take good care of yourself; financially, diet, weight, Ect.
Go to churches or events maybe be an happy individual and you will find your value and attracts similar personals into your life.
Third, work out work out and read read read. If you are lost in life my advice is reading. Read through different books and stories to find how others live their lives. Then decide from there.
My boy Paul in the Bible said it’s better to be single.
In all serious, Just learn to truly love yourself and enjoy spending time w yourself. Whatever you like doing to do it alone. If it’s bowling go bowl alone. If it’s museums go to museums alone and just learn to be at peace w yourself.
Daily meditation helps, but it is hard for most people to implement in their life. It is absolutely worthwhile in many ways though!!
What has helped is to focus on my work, working out, being comfortable doing things on my own like movies, museums, music festivals. It’s hard and I don’t like to put the burden in my friends and family but you can do it. You are not alone
You have to make the conscious decision to fall in love with yourself and your life. You have to take up hobbies you enjoy, surround yourself with friends and people who add value to your life. You need to get to a point of, “I like my life, with or without someone. I would like someone, but I make my own happiness. They would simply add to my life, not improve it”.
I definitely recommend a pet. Just hide it when it comes time for inspection.
Speaking from someone who lost the love of his life, the first step is loving yourself then find things that makes you happy. Hobbies, family and shit you geek out too. Easier said than done but it’s a progression everyday. You got this!
I was in a couple of bad relationships, now I love how easy the single life is.
have good friends. Then you won’t feel alone.
With good friends and a social circle, dating will come around too.
I’m sorry. I’m extremely lonely after a 3 year relationship and im trying to cope in any way I can. There is a certain gut-wrenching you have to overcome after now being alone. I’m sure you associate everything you do with your ex person. Try to start a new habit that doesnt revolve around those memories if you can. Personally I’ve found that some physical exercise and being productive have helped. Do what you can to give yourself some purpose in some new ways. Set some goals and do something you genuinely enjoy. Best of luck to you friend, im struggling too 🥺
I think finding hobbies is important, like for me going to the gym… and also socializing there, making gym friends + having coffee with them after or before a workout. Or find a book club or something that speaks to you!
/r/Stoicism
Be creative, do music, sing, dance, keep healthy, try microdosing, no porn, no alcohol, no coffee, do long walks, read books, talk to friends, yoga
Drugs
Self love is the answer.
Keep yourself busy, that’s how I do it.
But I still feel so fucking lonely sometimes, I try not to wank after sun set, post nut in the evening makes me more sad lol.
Have hobbies, take yourself on a date(don’t go where couple goes), workout, run, do what you love, travel… anything that makes you happy
I got the same problem 😔
you gotta love yourself completely. learn about the things you like, the things you don’t like learn about you, being single is a great way to discover who you are
Working on self improvement helped alot, working out, fixing diet, skincare, etc helped me alot after i moved out from my hometown to a place i knew nobody at all.
You need to ask yourself why you think only another person can make you happy. Because they can’t. They can only add something, but if you’re not happy, you’ll only be more miserable in a relationship eventually.
Getting selfish which is hard personally bc I am more selfless. Being me is great and I dont want some mediocre coming into my life and expecting me to be something I’m not.
You have to distract yourself and genuinely not want any other human energy. It’s hard because it’s artificial and we were not meant to be isolated, but what other choice do you have? One third of us guys are truly lonely in the USA, that’s just the way it’s going to stay for a lot of us. You have to cope with healthy habits or it will be worse. I’ve been lonely all my life, and the trends aren’t really gonna change, so I try to absorb as much information as I can, make music, make jokes, it’s the best I can do in response to not being extroverted or good looking. Life is unfair, and everyone with those good looks is gonna have it easier than you, and that’s the reality you have to find a way to live with.
Get a hobby? If I use myself as an example I get offers for relationships a lot, but I stay single to retain my freedom and I’m apathetic on a lot of things. It never gets lonely cause I either have fun with friends or work on my hobbies. I’ve got a lot of friends who legitimately can’t function single, need an emotional anchor and keep themselves in bad relationships over working on themselves alone.
You got too much time on your hands(pls dont take it too personally)
A lot of people I know that complain about their life are people that have time for it and no time to improve it.
One guy friend of mine, more of an acquaintance, but anyway, he works a job that pays 13/hr, complains about having no money, hates his boss, has a belly rounder than a basketball, and then got the nerve to say women suck. Naw, HE SUCKS. Whenever I tell him he has to improve himself, he always gives me a “k” and never ever deals with his shitty attitude and life.
That being said:
We all have struggles. Pains. Annoyances. Not trying to undermine yours, I’m simply stating that if you are fat, if you are broke, if you have no friends, instead of focusing on what you don’t have, ask yourself, “what am I doing that is stopping me from achieving those things?” Am I settling for good enough or am I shooting for the stars? Life isn’t fair, but with self reflection and hard work, you can make it worth it. Good luck
I’ve been single for two years now and in the beginning I felt like I constantly needed to be going on dates and trying to find someone. I reached a point where I realised I was happier by myself and it was tough some days. I would feel alone, I would wish I had my own person and I wanted to both feel love and give love.
I slowly started falling in love with my hobbies again (baking, reading, walking and art) and I started finding things to look forward to. Like concerts, marathons, taking myself on movie dates, setting dates with friends and talking to my family more.
I’m at a stage where I’m really happy with my life and myself. Which has also effected me when it comes to dating. Before I used to want someone to fill the void without really thinking about who that person was or how we vibed, but now I’m so happy by myself that I would only let the right person into my life.
I’m an introvert who enjoys solitary time, so it’s perhaps easier for me to enjoy being single, but I’ve always found that each mode of life has its own disadvantages as well as its own perks.
When I’m single I enjoy the fact that my time and space are my own, I can do whatever I like or make whatever plans I want without having to compromise with another person or make sacrifices for the sake of their wants and needs, I have freedom to explore every possibility that comes into my life, I rarely have arguments or stress outs caused by someone else’s issues, etc.
There are obviously disadvantages too, and advantages to having a partner, but focusing on the many positives of being single helps me enjoy it. I will find a partner again, but only when I meet someone who is worth giving up all the benefits of being single for.
If you know how let me know please haha 😅
I’ve been dealing with loneliness too but I just focus on myself and remind myself I’m happier to have myself than to be in a poor and hurtful relationship. I’d rather wait it out till I find someone worth my time and emotion!
Just hear me out….. Stop trying. I know that sounds counter intuitive, but….. Taoism has this belief that when you fight for something, you are actually pushing it away. That by fighting against the current, you are fighting against nature. In essence….. Im married but i have pretty much no friends. Ive been doing a lot of work around my past traumas and healing and i lost pretty much everyone. I cant even call my parents when i would like to because they found a replacement for me. And that….. Used to eat me up and feel very worthless/replaceable and i felt alone. So alone that i couldnt even find the right words for it while i was going through it. Even being at work surrounded by people that actually enjoy my presence- it felt forced, hollow, empty. And i stopped fighting it. Thats right- i surrendered. I stopped trying to not feel so alone. And i sat with it. I sat with it until i was able to see that i wasnt lonely- i was sad. It just took on another face because i wasnt addressing it. I was sad that i had lost so much on top of burying my grandma, i was sad i had been replaced, i was sad with how i was letting myself be treated. So…. Stop fighting it. Sit with it. Figure out whats really there and heal it. 💜 i hope this helps, truly. And i hope the lonely feeling passes and you start to view yourself a bit more like the moon. Even when its waning and dark, we still know the moon is there and whole. It just doesnt always show its full self. And….. Do one thing each day to bring you joy. Just one. And it doesnt have to be big. But start looking for the beauty in just being alive. It could be anything from a nice conversation you may have to stopping to pick yourself a flower you think is pretty. Side note: ever taken yourself on a date and just spent time with you doing things you enjoy in a public setting? Maybe try a bit of everything? ☺
I thought that single one and mingle one both have their own sides first you should have to know the bad side and good side of both the scenarios with companion or without companion
I think the question really is why aren’t you happy?
You need to be able to sit comfortably with loneliness or alone and get past the uncomfortable feeling of it and that’s when you feel happy single. Like we aren’t really wired to be alone so that’s why we feel uncomfortable in that feeling.
I found that I am incredibly happy single right now because I have things I want to do and people I want to see and a long term goal; moving abroad, that I want to achieve. It took me a long time to feel comfortable being alone and single, but I came to the realization life is too short to worry about being with someone or being single, there’s too much to do or can do. Like I would like to date or meet someone but its not something I personally need. So it makes being single easier.
Go out there and just live your life and don’t think about whether you are single or not, sit with those uncomfortable feelings, take yourself out on a me date, eat alone in a restaurant.. Just do things that feel uncomfortable until its not anymore. Do things that keep you busy but more importantly happy. That’s how you become happy single. At least that’s what worked for me.
is EVERY pet off limits? you could go to local shelter to take the dogs out for a walk. does your landlord approve of small animals? betta fish are awesome friends! when you feel lonely its great to either do something you love/try something new or spend time with your family/friends.
i have two friends, i meet regularly only with one. i live with my family and our dog. when i get lonely, i really do like to spend time with them, for me its really rewarding. when i dont feel like socializing tho, i draw a lot, read, play games, plant some plants, study for school/something im interested in and so on. of course you will still be lonely but when you occupy yourself you have less time to think about it.
how do you do with strangers? have you tried finding an online friend in some group of interest? that would be a great start! good luck buddy
Is r/dating the place to postbthis
Don’t stay home alone at night!! Go on dates just for the heck of it or hang out with friends. I go on dates at night all the time and have no intention of settling down. Sometimes it just helps to have someone of the opposite sex to hang out and talk with.
Well speaking generally…are you happy with yourself? Contented with who you are and what you’ve accomplished? Yes to these things will help tremendously…
Friends, hobbies, find something to express your individuality or creativity. Stop putting so much pressure on one aspect of life.
For context, a dated a girl for one month in high school. I then dated an abusive narc who cheated on me and otherwise hurt me for six months. I’m 23 years old.
I have spent the majority of my life single and watching the majority of my peers either stay in a committed relationship or jump in and out of them. The following are my observations.
There are ways to numb the pain. Dive, honestly borderline obsessively, into any hobby that really interests you. Get comfortable talking out loud to yourself when it’s appropriate. Hang out with some friends. Etc.
But you will never numb it completely. Closest I got to numbing it completely was my LSAT and law school app process, but that degraded my mental health so poorly that I’m not sure it made that much of a difference. Chances are you’re always going to have to deal with some sort of ache for this, and sometimes, that ache is going to be almost unbearable.
Recently, the ache got the worst it has ever gotten for me, to the point I was considering abusing my prescription medication to numb it. The only advice I can give you for this is that you need to do what you have to do to survive; I am *not* endorsing unhealthy behavior, but don’t surprised if you end up on that route and just make sure to moderate harm as much as possible. Try and talk to some people about it too; due to life circumstances, I had to mostly handle it alone and that wasn’t easy
Hobbies helps mine are boxing, running, watching movies and shows and playing games with buddies when we have time, and I like my job which takes time and it’s cheaper so I can save for an apartment
Fill your life up. Stop waiting to do things with a partner. Nurture your hobbies, relationships with friends and family, learn new things, go volunteer somewhere, exercise and eat right. A relationship should only be the sprinkles on top of your bomb ass life sundae.
I love being solo and single but I did want to add. it’s okay to be happier in a relationship. it’s ok if you actually thrive more in a relationship and you want to be in one. there is actually no shame in that. loneliness is a real thing.
stop caring, that’s literaly all you have to do
I don’t think it is possible. Everything comes down to a mindset, there are people who can be alone and people who can’t. Obviously you’re not one of them, sooner you accept the truth better it will be, you can cover or hide the problem as long as you want but it won’t disappear
Loneliness is the act of self-abandonment.
Date yourself. Go do things that you enjoy. Learn who you are. Get into new hobbies.
Don’t lay around watching netflix or mopping why your life is the way it is. That will only make the loneliness worst.
External sources will never bring you happiness, which include relationships.
Happiness is found from within by loving yourself first.
The relationship that is most important is with yourself.