I had not yet started actively dating yet as I am lacking the self confidence and also want to spend some time doing the things I love and learning more about myself before diving back in. However met a girl (26f) through a mutual hobby who seemed to like me a lot.
We went on what I thought was a date, but she didn’t want to put any labels on. Chemistry was quite good, though I am so out of practice I had literally zero idea what I was doing. She asked to stay over and we ended up making out, cuddling etc but no sex. Next day she chills round at mine while I work from home, bit more making out and stuff and then she heads home.
We discussed doing more stuff together and wanting to hang out. When we met up at our usual meet yesterday she expressed that she wouldn’t want to make this exclusive or properly date because both of us have recently left long term relationships but that she would still like to keep seeing me, casual sex, and sleepovers and stuff. Great that’s fine by me, I’m not ready for commitment, don’t think we’d be compatible anyway and I need the practice.
Now the interesting part… After some drinks with our group of friends she goes home with one of our mutual friends. I think she has a similar relationship going on with him. I had no expectations she’d go home with me that night. But it’s genuinely devastating that she has this dynamic with one of my mates too, and I don’t want to feel like I’m competing with him. I’m feeling jealous, betrayed, and generally deflated. I don’t understand why she hadn’t already communicated that she also sees him this way. Maybe he’s feeling shit that I’m also seeing her this way.
Idk guys maybe I’m just not cut out for casual sex relationships. Is this normal feelings on my part? Is she just being irresponsible in how she chooses to establish and communicate these relationships? How should I proceed here?
Tldr: new casual sex relationship with a friend after leaving a 4yr relationship. Find out friend is also fucking one of our mutual friends. Feeling very down about it and jealous. Not sure whether I’m just not cut out for this sort of relationship or whether she is being irresponsible in how and who she is choosing to see
1 comment
You want one thing and she wants another. There is nothing wrong with you. But I would cut her off if she really is what you think she is. To save you the heartache further down the line.