I (21F) have been dating a man (26M) for a little under a year, and I’m beginning to believe he is a highly irresponsible and lacks maturity.
I’ll start this off by my boyfriend and I both work the same job, the only difference is I chose my career early on and his father gave him his career. I am highly ambitious and independent and he is very much not. While I was in middle/high school he spend three years going to college where everyday he played video games instead of attending classes. He inevitably dropped out and his father suggested to learn the trade we’re currently in. I look down on him for this, but I don’t blame him for being a clueless young adult. The $60k in student debt does sting though. I looked passed this in the early stages of our relationship but as our life’s become more intertwined the more I become fearful of the fact he lacks responsibility.
We have been discussing moving in at the end of the year. I live in a luxury one bedroom that I can thankfully afford thanks to my career. Did I mention he still lives with his parents? At the age of 26, soon to be 27.
I’ve been noticing how much his mother babies him. The breaking point is when I brought up federal loans coming out of deferment. I reminded him to look at the due date and he insisted his mother had it covered. He suffers from a chronic illness and I understand the struggles he faces daily. Though, he doesn’t make or even hardly remember his important doctors appointments. His mother makes all of his appointments and reminds him profusely. He cannot stack dishes in the dishwasher properly. The boxes I ask help with sat untouched until I left for my mentally ill mother’s birthday, a day he at least knew would be particularly hard for me.
I’m am heartbroken because I do love this man. That being said, I do not want to raise a someone who is 6 years older than me when I am worth so much more than that. If anyone has advice on if I should get out now or have a serious discussion/how to have the serious discussion, I would appreciate it greatly. This has been killing me and my mental state.
TL;DR I’m dating a man that I think lacks a serious degree of maturity and I don’t know what to do.
6 comments
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I am sorry to break this news but he had been afforded too much comforts and the only true way to help him is to leave him. It hurts but until he experienced discomfort he will stay set in his ways.
Your 21 have your life together and he’s 26 living at home working for his parent. Together less than a year it’s a good time to get out. He isn’t ready to cut the cors with his family and most likely never will be
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I understand that you love him, but you as a woman you need to think what really matters on a relationship for a life, because if you are not living together yet and you notice all these things that may be hard for you to tolarate, i can not imagine how hard would be in the same house everyday, because responsibilities will increase and he clearly will not be ready. You need to decide what is more important, your love for him or all these things that may make your relationship harder in the future. I am really sorry that you need to make this decision. I am here if you want to talk.
yes you should end things. you say you love him but it sounds as if you don’t like or respect him.