Tl;dr basically the post title.
Just ended a 9 year relationship and idk what I’m feeling
I was feeling relieved at first but now the sadness has sunk in. 9 years is along time and although this is for the best it’s really making me worry for my future.
Like after 9 years and 7 years living with someone how do I go back to living alone? Not texting someone daily, eating alone, going for bike rides alone, grocery shopping.
I just don’t know how I’m feeling. My heart hurts, I haven’t cried yet as I’m the one who broke it off and I know it was what was best for both of us. I couldn’t even look at them while they cried as if I saw tears I knew I would have ran back to them and tried again even though I’ve been feeling like this for a while now.
I just wanna be happy and I want them to be happy and right now I don’t think we were right for eachother as we both suffer from mental illness and there’s was slowly declining. It’s so hard to care for someone else and talk about your feelings when they need you there for them all the time. I have so many feelings and emotions trapped inside myself cause I would always try and be there for them and make them feel better. Towards the end I just gave up and I couldn’t even be there for them.
I hope that I feel better soon but I pray that she does more. I want her to be happy. I want her to smile and laugh and just realize she was perfect and everything we had to together was great.. until it wasn’t. I don’t want her to feel like the relationship failed because of her. It failed because of us and we are both to blame. I could have been a better boyfriend for sure but there’s also things she could have done.
I hope she moves away as there is nothing left for her here. I hope she moves in with her sister and finds happiness.
I hope she takes the time to work on herself. We met and started dating in highschool and neither of us took the time to work on ourselves or had time to figure out what we truly wanted in life and I hope she uses this break up to better herself, finds a passion and starts living life like she wanted.
In the end I will always love her but like they say in better call Saul “so what?”
I’m sorry this is long and a rant I just don’t have anyone to talk to and just in my feelings
3 comments
One foot in front of the other…one step at a time. Do those cycle rides alone, enjoy the world around you. There will be someone else out there for you when the time is right. Each day will come easier….the same applies to your ex. Sounds as tho your relationship had run its course. Good luck
You’re heart broken brother. It hurts. It’s a very painful thing as a human. It’s easy to remember the food times, memories and feelings that were attached.
Youre doing great and keep us updated on your journey
Damn I cried for you. I felt like this after the end of my 6-year relationship. All I can say is that time heals. It’s cliche but you clearly have a vision of what you need. That’s all you can vouch for right now.
You made this decision to heal yourself. And I do hope you are able to get the healing and happiness you deserve.