Hello Reddit. Young guy here adjusting to post-university life. I need your best advice on how to deal with men (always older than me) who believe screaming at me gets things done. An episode like this happens once every month. From what I remember, it’s been a family member, a director of an organization, a homeless person, and during a road rage incident.
My strategy has been to walk away and to stay confident (standing up straight, neutral expression, and speaking assertively). I try to find out if there is anything rational that I could have done. If not, then I simply avoid the person/area.
However, I fear I might be setting up a bad example for the future since these episodes might affect my mental health. Also, walking away might not be an alpha way to deal with this. I appreciate any advice on how to avoid, confront and solve these situations. Also please share if you have any tips on deterrence. Thank you all for taking the time to respond!
28 comments
I think you’re doing great.
Standing your ground confidently is important. But at the same time, sometimes it’s best to just walk away(for the case of the homeless guy).
Also, straight up telling them that them screaming and yelling won’t solve the problem, calmly explaining the issue might be helpful, might help.
Tell your family member to shut the fuck up and stop screaming at you. You’re not a child and you do not appreciate being spoken to like that.
Tell the director if they ever speak like that you again you will quit.
Ignore the homeless person.
Ignore the road rage person.
No you are doing the right thing. You rationalise it, and if the conclusion is that the person screaming is beyond reason, you should just walk away? Not sure where you from, but i feel you.
Kind of odd that so many different people are screaming at you so frequently.
You tried doing what they yelled at you?
Just saying you were yelled at doesn’t tell us much. As another poster stated, it’s kind of odd that so many people are screaming at you. Are you particularly dense? Do you have a naturally stupid looking face that makes them think you can’t understand basic words they are using?
I’m not insulting you. But it is weird to draw so much yelling in your direction.
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Obviously, the homeless person should be ignored. They’re likely druggies, drunks, or crazy and don’t take meds.
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Road ragers should just be avoided as quickly as possible. Because they too have mental deficiency issues to be engaging in wild yelling with a stranger on the road.
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Regular folks though, I have to wonder what you are doing to draw that kind of reaction.
Keeping your calm and walking away is alpha as fuck.
You’re doing the right thing and setting a great example.
Just stare and say nothing. They will shut up quick
Just grab them gruffly by the collar and shake them until they either calm down or stab you to death. Either one is better than listening to them yell .
This is unacceptable behavior. Talk to them and tell them that you feel uncomfortable.
This can be reported to HR
Honestly if ur getting yelled at by everyone i think ur picking fights. Men dont go around yelling at ppl.
Bonk him. Plebs like that only understand violence.
Start martial arts because it just gives you a stoic confidence to deal with hostile people,
You dont need to hurt anyone, being confident in tense situations will work most of the time.
Understand the psychology of insecure and overly aggressive men. They are usually weak bullies that just need to be looked in the eye and told where to go or called out on their behaviour.
Road rage is different, people can be lunatics so i just ignore them, smile and wave.
Work, you need to stand up to them, hold your ground and communicate clearly that you won’t be abused and screamed at by any man child. “Talk to me like a man, dont shout at me, you’re not my dad!”.
Smile slightly. Fold your arms. Look them directly in the eye. Say nothing.
Keep saying nothing.
Silence makes people very uncomfortable. Eventually they will say something, anything, just to break the silence.
You’ve just won.
Allow yourself to smile a bit more, then turn and walk away.
Enjoy your victory.
One thing to keep in mind is there is only so much control you have on other people.
You cannot control if a director at your job loves to yell; you can control if you work for them.
etc.
Be confident in who you are, and move on.
Keep calm, and polite mate. Don’t lower yourself to whatever they do. You are doing fine!
All of these situations seems to have 1 common denominator. Interesting…
Ask them if they need a nap because they seem cranky.
Man, my boss slightly raised his voice with me once. Once.
I got up from my chair, didn’t say a thing to him, went right up to HR and said I was quitting my job. Boss apologized hard, man genuinely felt bad. He’s a good guy, lost his nerves, I can understand but I’m not letting anyone from work disrespect me.
Don’t ever allow bosses/managers/whatevers to disrespect you or you’ll turn into their bitch.
If you want to be extra dickish, you can roll your eyes at them and say “are you done?”
Only do this if you can take a punch.
Family member: set them straight. Stand your ground and tell them you won’t take that mess. Just cut them out if you have to because that’s just childish.
Director: just go ahead and quit. I wouldn’t respect a boss who doesn’t respect me. It won’t get any better
Homeless person: walk away and don’t worry about it
Road rage: go about your business as you most likely won’t ever see them again.
Calm is a super power.
With laughter
Yes, tell the family member to STFU, no one gets to speak to you like that, ignor the street people and road rage and def walk/drive away.
The work is a little nuanced. Definitely stand up for yourself, calmly. Tell them when they are ready for a professional conversation, you are ready to listen, until then you will be waiting at your HR Directors office. And go directly there. Document every single time it has happened. This is a hostile workplace issue and constitutes violence.
If your Director/manager is yelling at you he should not be managing.
My workplace is archaic and we still have a zero tolerance for this behavior.
Do what you’re told before people get that angry.
If multiple people are *literally* screaming at you, you are most certainly the problem.
This is pretty easy, but you have to be ready to throw down.
Usually, I just say, “I am gonna need to calm the fuck down. If you can’t, we can step aside and take care of this. But I am just going through my day and would rather we talked like two grown adults.”
I haven’t used it very frequently, but in the times I did, you’d be surprised how many times that person said, “My bad, I just had a shit day.”
I doubt men are screaming at you. Yelling maybe, but, not screaming. Most men don’t yell unless you’ve fucked up somehow and without more detail about the situation, I’m assuming you did something you shouldn’t have.
With a family member I’d piss them off further and enjoy the spectacle. Their mental health is getting ruined, not mine. Ususally I say something along the lines of “sorry I couldn’t hear that, could you say it a little bit louder please” and see them almost explode.
Never got yelled at work, but would quit on the spot.
Screaming homeless and road rage hormonal baboons are to be simply ignored.