So I (29M) have been pretty much broken by women. I stand at 5’7″, do NOT want kids, and weigh 165lbs and have Aspergers. I swim a mile no less than 4 times a week to stay in the best shape I can, love scuba diving (and work as a scuba diver), am writing a dark fantasy novel, and love dogs.When I was in my early 20s, I was super confident in my sense of worth as a man. And always followed my mother’s teachings on how to be respectful to women. When I finally decided it was time to put myself out there (I never tried in HS due to no desire to do so), I was met with unexpected results.
Rejections 100% of the time. At first, I just shrugged them off, but once I reached 24, and still kept rejected, I found myself staring in a mirror, examining my face and body wondering if I was really as ugly as my older sister/peers always said I was. My sister, who is 100% honest, once said to me “You were so cute when you were little, wtf happened?”
Now I’m age 29….and the most I’ve gotten are RARE hookups. And I’ve had the following rejections: “That’s a face only a mother can love”, “You’re no prize”, “Come back when you’re taller”, “Next time post your height on your profile”, “Get lost, Loser”, “No offense, but you’re not exactly easy on the eyes”, “Stay in your league”, “I’m on this date to feed myself without paying”, “I want a boyfriend not some autistic burden”, “I can’t wear high heels near you”. I remember them all…
At first I told myself they were just toxic and cruel, but when it’s THAT MANY women echoing hurtful words including those said by your own sibling…it’s hard to not see them as fact. Now I look in the mirror and no longer see a man who’s worthwhile. I can no longer say “I love who I am.”.
I even once went to a college Anime Club, asked a girl I knew there out after a few months of club meetings, and she loudly rejected me saying “Nobody here even likes your ugly ass!” and the entire club room laughed, cheered, and applauded her to the point I just walked out with tears in my eyes. She was so nice to me literally the day before…
Life just honestly doesn’t feel worth living cuz there’s only so many Christmases and Valentine’s Days you can spend sitting all alone in an apartment until you finally just start bawling, wonder why you deserve so much hurt and if you’re an ugly unlovable piece of garbage.I want my confidence and sense of worth back. I’m tired of my FEW best friends abandoning me upon finding a romantic partner, only hanging out with me when they want me to be a third wheel. Tired of looking with disgust each time I see my face. I want to be able to raise my head up again….but I’m so broken idk what to do.
How do you rebuild your confidence as a man…?
PS: Yes, I’m in therapy…but idk if it’s working
3 comments
Jfc dude. That all sounds absolutely awful, I’m so sorry. I would definitely recommend therapy, that’s a serious history to try overcome and professional help/support seems appropriate.
Who are you friends and family out side of the romantic field? What sort of relationships are you cultivating and fostering outside of romantic gratification? I can say with about 90% certaintu that the vast majority of men and women i associate with would never, ever say this sort of shite to another individual. Are you actively working to improve your relationship with yourself, your platonic relationships, etc? I’m not trying to be reductionary, but I’ve seen so many people bet on the opposite sex to give them something that they need to work on themselves.. idk mans. are you truly trying to understand them as flawed individuals and yourself as one too. i’d really consider why /do/ you pick out women who don’t treat you right? do you know women outside the realm of romantic and sexual gratification? do you have female friends? when the only bets you make on women are ones to suit some unnecessary fantasy of “the one” you box yourself into a certain category that women, especially those who are toxic, can smell on you. consider being a friend and then you might be a lover. just my two cents. it’s unfair to treat relationships as a transaction. don’t let yourself be trampled but consider vulnerability is a gift you can give yourself
Science Nature Arts Sports find joy in these or other crafts. Love yourself first and find good friends.