So this is really stupid but I’m really stressed about it and could use some perspective.
For context, my boyfriend (M25) and I (F23) have been together for 4 years, and for our anniversary we said we would just get each other relatively cheap but practical presents as we are saving for a house ATM so I requested a new backpack as I need a new bag for work because my current one is getting holes in it.
Anyways, I got the backpack yesterday and of course I instinctively said “thank you, I love it”. The problem is, I absolutely hate this backpack… It looks like it has a kind of 2014 Tumblr girl vibe and it’s covered in gaudy sunflowers. Now this might be someone else’s taste, no judgement there, but my style is more gothic so I have no idea why he would choose this for me? The only explanation I could think of is maybe it was the cheapest one he could find which would be fair enough, but I looked online and there were plenty of other designs either the same price or cheaper? He’s also pretty gothic/alt and a skater so it’s not exactly his taste either so I’m pretty confused.
I’m a tattoo artist and I need this bag for work so I would be using it every day and there’s no way to avoid using it as we live together, but if I’m honest I would be embarrassed to use it as it looks pretty childish to me. I’ve tried brainstorming ideas on how to make it more ‘me’ like adding studs and chains and patches and pins but nothing would cover up the pattern as it’s literally all over the bag.
Genuinely all opinions welcome as I have never been in a situation like this before and I am grateful that he got me anything at all but I also dislike the bag to the point that I don’t want to use it so I’m torn because I really don’t want to upset him.
What should I do?
TLDR- my boyfriend bought me a present that I really don’t like and I don’t know how to approach the situation without coming off as ungrateful.
4 comments
It is better to come clean now and tell him you said you liked the bag as you did not want to hurt his feelings. Don’t let this get bigger than it needs to be.
You don’t want to take this bag to work, so you probably will not. I am sure he knows some of your colleagues and it will eventually come out that you are not using it. Then he will be confuse and a potential argument will ensue about why you didn’t tell him you didn’t like it in the first place, blah, blah, blah.
He can return the bag and you can use the money to get something you like.
In mature relationships, we kind of have to disclose difficult things from time to time. It’s part of your relationship skills to take the sting out of “did you keep the receipt? Not loving it.”
At your boyfriend’s age, he might get butthurt. But it helps a lot if you straddle him and tell him, “Its not really my style, but you are.” He’ll get over it.
I know the root issue is communicating with your boyfriend which you should absolutely do but one more thing to try with the bag is maybe dying the whole thing black? The sunflower pattern may still show but at least it would be black. Although at some point the cost of all the attempts to alter the bag is just gonna add up to the cost of a bag you actually like lol
“I appreciate the thought. But I got to say, it isn’t exactly my style. Is there a way we could return it? I’d love to pick out something else. If not, totally cool. If you’re okay with it, I would love to get creative with this bag and make it more like me. Maybe with a bit of paint and some buttons.”