Hello! I (F16) lost my virginity to my boyfriend (M17) around two months ago. I asked my boyfriend if I could tell my best friend and he said yes, but then later told me he didn’t feel comfortable with me telling anyone else. I respected that completely and never told anyone else and I also expressed that I did not want him telling any of his friends either. I have trauma with this kind of stuff and it’s just very hard for me and I was very uncomfortable about his friends knwoing because his friends are kind of douchebags. He is considerably more “popular ” than me, so if he told his friends I know it would spread around the whole school and get back to my older brother which I am extremely uncomfortable with. He promised to respect that boundary.
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Last night I found out that my best friend betrayed me and told a few of my friends. This really hurt me, especially since I had asked my best friend not to tell anyone. This also worried me immensely because this went against my boyfriends wishes of not wanting my friends to know. I called him and told him what had happened, and he was absoltely fine. He was just comforting me because I was pretty upset about what my best friend did. That’s when he told me that he had actually told his friends too. This shocked me and upset me because this was a while ago and he never ran it through with me first, and that is the opposite of what I wanted. There is one friend in particular who he told that I espeically didn;t want knoing because he is notorious for not being able to keep his mouht shut – AND he is friends with my brother. I just feel extremrly betrayed by my best friend and my boyfriend. I expressed to him that I was upset and he apoglized and felt really bad about and I understand that there is not much more he could do. However, I still feel incredibly upset about this whole situation and I’m not sure what to do.
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I understand that this is a weird thing for me to want to keep from people. I just don’t feel comfortable with people knowing, I feel ashamed of it due to my young age. My friends have shamed other people for doing it this young and now they are goign to do the same with me. This whole thing is just a shit show. I guess I could use some advice or support. Thank you
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TL;DR: My boyfriend and my best friend ignored my wishes and spread the fact that I lost my virginity.
4 comments
Lots of people your age are having sex. So, don’t feel bad. Tell your “friends” to fuck themselves. They’ll be having sex soon enough. Also, dump your boyfriend so he learns his lesson. When my dad gave me “the talk” one of the first things he told me was NEVER kiss and tell and that it’s the quickest way to lose a womans trust. If anyone gives you shit, do not take it laying down. If you make yourself an easy target they will only keep giving you a hard time.
I am really sorry. You are surrounded by people who are not very good. Probably in part due to their young age and immaturity. Your “friends” aren’t your friends if they try to shame you. I had to cut one “friend” out of my life after I had sex, because she lectured me and acted superior as if she knew better than me what was right for my life. It was sad, but it had to be done. But your boyfriend also broke his word. That’s very bad. You say he is apologetic, but I would have a discussion with him about how can you trust him and how can you ever know that his word has any value going forward? Some people can restore a relationship after a breach of trust and some cannot, but he violated the boundaries of the relationship and broke your trust, and you both need to take that really seriously.
Why did you tell your best friend when your bf asked you not to? You can’t feel betrayed when you did what he did. Maybe you only told your best friend, but more than just your best friend knows. Your relationship is meant to be private. It’s kind of strange that either of you would want to share your sexual history with your friends.
It’s a lesson, never tell anyone anything you aren’t comfortable being blasted over the PA system. It is guaranteed it will be shared.