Growing up, I’ve always felt like I never lived up to what my father wanted always wanted to be. I’ve always been a big guy. Stronger and burlier than most. I looked like an American football player by the age of 11. However, for some reason, I started football later in life (around 15). My dad always wanted me to be into sports and wanting to play. Even though, I’ve been doing martial arts (starting with taekwondo) since I was 9. Due to me being a pretty nerdy and emotional kid lol. He wouldn’t exactly pressure me, but I could definitely see that he was mildly disappointed every time I declined an offer. The only thing that my dad and I REALLY related to were superheroes and kung fu movies. My nephews and “stepbrother” on the other hand, was a lot more into these things.
For context, “stepbrother” isn’t an official title. We’ll call him Wade \[22M\]. Him and I both share a half-brother together and I grew up with him most of my life. So, I call Wade my “stepbrother”. When it come to him and my dad, they just meld together better. He was always the one that could always make him laugh, better at talking to girls, was more interesting and is able to talk to him about almost anything. My nephews are also closer to him in that aspect. They’re both really good at sports and are more charming than me. Btw, my nephews are around my age. I have a sister that is about 12 years older than me.
Everyone in my family has little of an opinion of me. They mostly think that I’m just boring or super private. Simply, I just don’t know how to convey what I like without feeling like I’m weird or a loser. I haven’t accomplished anything big. I’m not a role model or a somebody different. Just a good kid bcuz I keep to myself. I wonder if my stepbrother feels the same way, bcuz he acts and looks very similar to me. For most of my life, my dad always felt more like an older friend or big brother instead of an actual father. At least when it came to our interactions. Which fucking sucks because, I’m blessed to have a father that actually wanted something to do with his son. He says that he loves me and wants to talk to me at least once a week. But he only says that because he feels obligated to say that since I came out of his balls. I just want to get this bs handled. Like I said, my dad is old. He probably doesn’t have another 10 years. I don’t want him to die thinking that he was a bad father.
TL;DR: My insecurities are affecting my relationship with my father. He’s older and I want a good relationship with him but I’m not really sure how to do that.
1 comment
How your dad feels as a father is completely up to him. Even if you had no interest in his hobbies, you are his son, and he should be interested in what you love because he loves you, that’s a good dad.
I see you making a lot of assumptions about what people think of you and I doubt you have anything driving these assumptions except your insecurities. If you want to work on your relationship with your dad, talk to him about how you feel.
My hope is that he is capable of making more of an effort now that you are an adult, but it takes two to maintain a relationship. If you reach out and open up and he doesn’t want to also work on it, that’s not because you are not worthy, he’s just not ever going be the dad that you want. It’s hard to come to terms with that,