tl;dr: I come from a very wealthy family and am also doing great myself. I have strong feelings for a woman who grew up poor, and is currently a bartender. I don’t care about her wealth, we get along unbelievably well, we have strong feelings for each other. However, my parents are strongly pushing that I date within my socioeconomic class and are against me dating her. I don’t know how to respond / what to do.
Thank you all for taking the time to read my post I really appreciate it.
I (30m) met her (25f) about 7 months ago while she was bartending and I was out with coworkers on a business trip. We’ve clicked ever since. Spend almost every night together. The feelings are mutual, we love each others company, our personalities mesh so well together, sex life is great, etc. There’s no doubt in my mind, I would love to date this woman. The problem is that I come from a family of millionaires who believe I should be dating within my socioeconomic class. They cast really harsh judgment on the lower class and even some middle class. I personally couldn’t give a shit. I take her story and her rough upbringing and see what she’s made of herself and just feel proud of her. She’s got her own 401k, budgets, what more can you ask? She’s doing everything she can with what she’s got to work with. It may not be as much as people making 6 figures but that doesn’t mean she isn’t trying. She even goes out of her way to pay for things, I have to playfully fight to pay for things when we’re out together. I’m proud of and I appreciate everything she does. My parents cast heavy guilt every time I bring up that I’m spending time with her. When I bring her up my moms immediate response is “that’s the bartender right?” I’m not kidding, verbatim, every time. My dad less aggressively will just mention sometimes that I should consider her family dynamic, what her parents are like, and her upbringing and use that as a judgement of character / how the relationship may play out. Ultimately insinuating it’s not a good idea. This is all crazy to me. I refuse to accept any of that. How do I respond to them???? I want her to be accepted and not judged for being “poor”
30 comments
In 5-10 years she will be banging a personal trainer in a big house your parents paid for.
You tell them to fuck off, simple as that
Since you are financially independent from your parents, you can lay it out for them gently or harshly:
Money you’ve got already, so tell em that she gives you riches which aren’t measured in dollars and cents. If they fail to see it that way then let em know that they are poorer than your gf cuz their only yardstick is the bank slip.
Harsh way: They get to gain their inheritance and lost a son in exchange…
I didn’t even read after “I’m a 30 m” Brooo Live YOUR life. Love is love. It’s not your job to convince your parents of anything.
You are 30 and say you are doing well (financially). Do you really need your parents advice about who you should date ? I suggest you say thanks and remind them that you are big boy now and can make lots of your own decisions. Then stop talking to them about it.
Isn’t that the plot to about a hundred movies and plays?
I once liked a man.a couple years ago who family thought I was a poor lower class person and I wasn’t good enough for there son he liked me a lot and I liked him a lot But his family and friends convinced him I was a gold digger and he was better off with a more educated person she was well educated woman she was beautiful and he left me for her because of his family and friends and I was so broken hearted and tired of having people like his family and friends put me down judging my character that I told him I may not be as rich as your uptight rich family but I have something they will never have moral and integrity I will always be a humanitarian worker I will always continue to help people around the world and help solve as many third world needs as I can . I told him I will gladly Marry a blue collar man who wants me loves me and treats me right living my simple life with my middle class family and friends being happy and married with kids in a happy relationship than to let any make me feel bad . So I let him go years ago he ended up dating a model who was rich and vain who was cheating on him and he tried to convince me to leave my partner for him and I said no I am engaged I’m getting married to my boyfriend James he’s blue collar man he works hard he might not be as rich as you but he come home with hardworking hands and his sexy hard hat and dirt on his face and shoe and he works on oil field as an engineer with the government he’s nerdy shy and smart but I told him I love him and the other man was shocked because I was never after his money or his family money all I wanted was love and affection he made me feel ashamed . If she is the one girl who you know is the one don’t let your family ruin your relationship because look at them and see if money makes them happy most of the people I know who are rich people are the most unhappiness because there nothing authentic anymore. There are people who are rich who are kind and humble people and then there jack ass people who are greedy people who will never be happy
It’s who they are, not what they are that’s important ❤️
Thanks for confirming that rich people look down on everyone.
Are you at risk of being disinherited? You are a hard working guy in your 30s that can make your own millions, right? So why should it matter what your parents think?
you’re a grown ass man why do you still care about what your oarents think. if their mentality isn’t ‘whatever my son wants to make him happy makes me happy’ then are those people you want knowing your personal business?
the dynamic between her parents is the example of marriage that has been set for her, that much is true. It’s kind of a preview of what’s to come if she’s not mindful of this. But dude you are 30, please sac up!
Just tell them to fuck off.
You can easily find someone from the same socioeconomic class but you want connect with them as you do her. They may not be as humble as her and maybe expecting a lot more from you!
If you both connect, have similar values and future goals, then fight for it as it’s really hard to come across good people now a days.
Education and money never made a person! You can have money one day and the next it could all be gone.
Now, if this is something new, give it time, explore it more as something that starts off great so quickly, usually ends as quickly as it started.
TLDR: I’m 30, need advice on telling mommy not to worry about who I kiss
Stop telling them about your relationships. If they can learn to not be judgmental, perhaps they will get an invite to the wedding
You shouldn’t date her unless you’re comfortable putting your parents in their place.
They’re being nasty and hateful. It is not fair to expect this woman to deal with their bigotry. Until you’re willing to confront this head on, call them out, and tell them their words and beliefs are unacceptable and will not be tolerated, you should let this woman go.
If you are unwilling to lose her you need to tell your parents to cut the shit and stop being such classless fools.
My grandmother would liken their behavior to that of the nouveau riche. Honestly, the people I’ve met who believe as your parents do were all vulgarian social climbers who were entirely too worried about perceived social status to ever truly display any class
She’s got heaps of money
Tell your parents to eat farts and then go and follow your heart and be in love
What type of 30 year old shares information on who do they want to date with his parents? Stop sharing information with them. You are 30! You are not a teenager living with them.
>How do I respond to them???
Don’t respond. Don’t share anything. You need to work with a therapist on learning to put healthy boundaries with your parents. You are too old not to have any. If your relationship goes forward and they continue to be AH, you’ll have to cut them out of your life. So given your toxic relationship here, you need to be open to that possibility.
If that’s the question you, a 30-year old man, are asking on Reddit and can’t pull your parents’ heads out of your rectum on your own, you need to let this woman go.
She doesn’t need to deal with a shenanigans of a man-child who will likely need tons of therapy to overcome “mommy’s boy syndrome”.
could probably prenup and shut your parents mouth.
This sounds like a kdrama 🥺
People born on third base.
Just goes to show how rich can be assholes and poor can be humble. You want to date an asshole such as your parents, then take their advice. You have a great woman from the sounds of it and shouldn’t be looking for validation from stuck up assholes. Tell them to get their heads out of their asses.
you are such a [redacted]
Stop giving a shit about what your parents think. My husband proposed to me years ago, knowing I was dirt poor and with a disability/chronic pain. And he absolutely worships me, and he is my best friend. I didn’t even know about his (massive) wealth until years into the relationship—he always dresses in crappy old clothing, as do his parents. And they live in a tiny simple house with an old car. But they always accepted me and love me as their own daughter. In exchange for my husband essentially financially supporting me (I’m also a bartender lol) he gets delicious elaborate home cooked meals every day, a clean house, and a hardworking woman who wants nothing but for him to be happy and full.
Dude. Cut the apron strings. Your parents are snobby and suck
It sounds like you have true feelings for this woman and if you don’t pursue them, you will regret it and resent yourself and your parents. With that being said, if you both decide to give yourselves a chance at love, you would both need to remain open minded throughout your relationship, which will be tested in many ways. The ways that we are raised and our life experiences help to shape some of our most precious values and morals. The way that millionaires and poor people are raised are DRASTICALLY different and that’s just the way it is. That isn’t to say that you both can’t have similar morals and values but, your life experiences are going to be very different and it’s important to remember that when heated agreements happen or when you might disagree on social issues or spending habits or anything like that. Also, I am sort of invested in your story now so I hope we get to see an update!! Best of luck, with whatever you choose!
It sounds like nothing’s gonna stop you.