I [31F] think I’m falling in love with my roommate [30F]

It’s honestly been a while since I wanted to write here. I really need advice on this situation as I don’t really know how to proceed. First of all, English is not my native language so I hope I can express myself well enough for you to understand.

We started living with my roommate a couple years ago (I’m 31F and she’s 30F). A friend of mine introduced us when my other roommate and I were looking for a third person . At first she (let’s call her J) was super shy and spent most of her time in her room, while me and my other roommate were chilling in the living room talking about stuff. After some time J started to open up about her previous roommates and how she has deep trauma about how badly they treated her, and the three of us started to bond. I have to say I’m very grateful I get along so well with the people I live with.

After that it became a routine that everyday after work the three of us, and sometimes just J and me, we spent time talking going about our day, or talking about problems, things we worried about, etc. We both bonded really hard over music, as it had been a while since I shared interests with someone in that area, so we also started watching music videos and concerts but also started watching tv shows together and we developed this kind of “wait for me” thing that sometimes happens in couples.

We know each other pretty well in the relationship area. I was with a guy most of last year and she’s helped me through the ups and downs. We’ve also talked about the fact that she’s still a virgin and never been in a relationship, and how society pushes her to have something right away to “be normal”. She has always told me she is very comfortable being single and happy to be learning to love herself. Her self-esteem is pretty low and she has never pursued anything with the few guys she has ever admitted to have an interest in. She has very strong migraines and has said multiple times she prioritises taking care of herself and doesn’t feel she has the energy to pursue a relationship.

The guy I dated last year was bisexual and, even though things didn’t work out in the end, I learnt a lot about myself and I found myself to be bisexual as well. This is something I’ve discussed with her at large, and she has \*kind of\* told me that maybe she is a bit bisexual (whatever that means), but she has mostly talked about female artists or actresses she admires and to whom we both feel attracted, not “real people”.

We spend a lot of time together, even on weekends we go take a walk, go to museums or exhibitions. We’ve attended several concerts together, and well, I realized I consider her my favourite person. That’s why lately I’ve begun to think maybe I love her not only as a friend, but as something else.

She’s the person I think about when I’ve had a bad day, and I miss her a lot when she’s away. Weekends without her feel long and boring, and I’m always taking mental notes of things I’ve done throughout that time because I want to tell her everything when she comes back. I always think of ways to make her happy and try to be respectful of her boundaries and limits (I’m a bit of a steamroller sometimes). At times we make jokes about the fact that we seem “a couple” and that certain thing seems romantic, or that this other thing would be considered flirting if we were flirting. But of course, we aren’t. Are we?

Lately I’ve noticed I kinda want to be closer to J and maybe have physical contact. Like hugging her or maybe kissing her, or just holding hands. A couple weeks ago we went on a trip together for a whole week, and gosh I had been fantasizing SO much about kissing her!! I kinda wanted to get drunk one night to have the excuse, but nothing happened in the end. We had a really good time though and, it may sound silly, but at one point she kissed me in the cheek and I felt a rush of happiness and excitement that I still remember and cherish now. She had never done that before.

Here’s the thing though: it feels very weird thinking about sex with J. It’s not that I wouldn’t do it, but it feels like I’m crossing an important boundary, it’s like I try to block it in my mind because it doesn’t feel right. Furthermore, I’ve never actually been with a girl so it feels very odd and I don’t know if flirting with girls is the same or what type of signs should I expect. Any queer friends around here who can help me out?

I’m scared I try to say something or make a move and then make it all weird. We all make a great ensemble and I’m very happy to live with her and my other roommate. I feel our appartment is a safe place and it would be disastrous if everything suddenly changed, but when I think of having a relationship with her it just feels… right? What do you think? Should I tell her how I feel?

TL;DR! I have a very close relationship with my roommate but I’m not sure if she feels the same of if it’s worth pursuing it as I’m afraid it may change the dynamics in our appartment. I recently came out as bisexual to her and my closest friends.