Am I too controlling? or expecting too much from him? should I break up? Needs advice.. (29F, 28M, not married, no kid, living together)

So my boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half now. When I first met him, he was in a bad financial situation. He had just sold his car so he could pay his rent. He had very bad credit score. He had zero saving and some credit card debts plus student loan. He does not have a college degree but has student loans because he quit after 1.5 years of community college. He was making just a little bit more than minimum wage. I was in a stable stage in my life where I had graduated my doctorate degree and was making > 6 figures. Despite the differences, I went for it because he was a sweetheart and I think finance and education level do not define a person. For the first 8 months things were really great. He was one of the sweetest guy I had ever met. I felt like he was the perfect person for me because he made me feel so loved and secure. He could fulfill a lot of my emotional needs (I have anxious-attachment style and am a bit clingy). I helped him a little bit with his financial situation (taught him the importance of saving, paying off his debts and giving advices on how to advance his career). Since then he had gotten promoted 3 times & almost tripled his salary within the last 1.5 years (He is actually a very smart guy!). We also decided to move in together into an apartment about 4 months ago (since that would really help us/him save some money).

However, after moving in I realized there are more things to compromise than I thought. We came from totally different cultures and backgrounds. I am Asian and I grew up in Asia until the age of 15. He is white and grew up in Texas. There are a few things that kind of bother me and he just does not see it the same way as I do. I do not know if these are due to value or personality differences, but I will list them here:

First of all, he is a little wasteful. He refused to drink any water besides bottled water and he only likes them cold, which is fine. But he would get one bottle out from the fridge, drink a few sips, then leave it on the table for hours. When he is thirsty again, that bottle of water is already not as cold anymore so he would get another bottle from the fridge and so on…. There are at least 10 bottles of water on our night stand that are 2/3 full and they never get finished. We would get a 24-pack bottled water from the store and it’s gone within 3 days. I have talked to him about it and he said he does not see anything wrong with it and said he would pay for all the water. He also likes keeping the temperature really cold in the apartment and likes keeping the fans AND AC on even if we leave town for a day or two because he likes coming home with the apartment already cold. Again his response was that he would pay for the electricity and he does not see the problem with it. He said he does not really care about wasting money. But it’s not about the money.. I just don’t know how to get him to care about not wasting resources on earth.

Secondly, he is messy and kind of lazy. We rented a 3 bedroom apartment which each of us has a room to ourselves and the third room he intended on using as a computer/office room. However, that room has now become mountains of dirty clothes. He would just throw his dirty clothes on the floor and not do laundry until he absolutely ran out of clothes. And even then he would just wash like 3-4 clothes at a time (enough for him to get by for the next few days). He also does not do any cleaning or house chores unless asked. I would be the one cooking for us every 3-4 days or so and we agreed that whoever does not cook needs to do the dishes. He would do them but he would always procrastinate for like 3-4 days before doing them. He also leaves trash everywhere in the house and I would be the one picking up his trash. His bathroom is also very messy. He would throw the used Q tips on the bathroom floor (even though there is a trash can right there), so his bathroom has like 20-30 dirty Q tips scattered on the floor. Although we do have separate bathrooms, these little things bother me a lot. I have talked to him about it and he would always tell me that he would try his best to improve. But nothing seemed to change much. He does always take out the trash for us though since he is a lot taller & stronger and our community trash chute is kind of tall.

Another issue that bothers me is that he would go to bars with his co-worker after work and get drunk until 5am in the morning on weekdays (maybe twice a month). It is totally his freedom to do whatever he wants for fun, but once he starts drinking he doesn’t check his phone and also does not tell me what time approximately he would be back. I get worried if I wake up to use the bathroom and he is still not back. He gets super drunk and a few times he threw up in the uber. If it was an once-in-a while party/clubbing then sure, but this is his “typical hangout” with friends. I have explained to him why I do not like that and wished that he did not have to stay out so late every time he drinks, or at least text me to let me know that he is okay every 4 hours or so. I just do not think it is healthy nor responsible if he had work the next day. His response was also that he would try his best to text me but so far nothing had improved. He eventually told me that he thought I was controlling and that he felt like he should be able to spend his free time however he wants without feeling guilty, plus we are not married yet

On his day off, he would pretty much just lay on the couch watching tv/movies/sports and basically do nothing. He does not really have any hobby besides watching movies or watching sports or hanging out at the pool. He would not meet any of my friends or go to any social event with me because he said he is not interested in the stuff we are doing (hiking, dinner, concerts…etc). He would always tell me he feels so unfit and want to start going to the gym. I would cheer for him and give him compliments when he goes, but after 3 days he would give up. He also gets impatient or grumpy when it is something difficult or when something annoys him. He cannot be in the grocery stores for more than 5 minutes without being grumpy, he cannot walk for more than 10 minutes without being annoyed. When he is grumpy he would be very passive-aggressive or he would say mean stuff in a very annoyed tone that affects my mood even if I am not the one causing his grumpiness. When my parents came to the states from Asia a few weeks ago to travel, they did not get along because he would act grumpy towards them even when they do nothing wrong. I told him I do not appreciate him saying mean things to or about my parents and he said he would work on it. He is aware that he has slight temper issues when he gets annoyed and he is trying his best to overcome it.

Overall I just feel like he has no perseverance or self control. People say the right person should make you feel like you want to be a better person. With him, I feel like I am getting dragged down? When I see him being lazy, it makes me not want to do house chores or go to the gym either. When he does not do dishes it makes me not want to cook. When he is grumpy, it makes me not want to be patient to people either… when I see how he spends his money (over-ordering at restaurants, over-tipping, being overly- generous), it makes me feel like there is no point of me saving it.

Aside from that, he is a very decent person. He is very generous to everyone he meets, not just financially. He makes < 1/2 of my income but he would always fight for the dinner bill because buying me food makes him happy. He is very hard working at his job (only lazy when outside of his job). When I have a bad day from work he would always sit down and listen to me talk and offer me emotional support. I can be emotional and clingy and neurotic/anxious sometimes but he never complained about it. He is super loyal and never laid eyes on other girls. He lets me decide on what to eat most of the time because I love food. He makes me feel so secure and loved because he is very good at showing all 5 of the love languages to me. He is very affectionate and cuddling with him is the best thing ever. I have a lot of flaws too and he always tells me I am beautiful and he loves me for who I am, including all my flaws. He is very appreciative of me because I changed his life and flipped his financial situation. He wants to marry me down the road and thinks I am the love of his life. He hopes that I can accept him for who he is too because hearing me complain about his mess or irresponsibility makes him feel pressured/annoyed. He said he knows what he needs to improve on too and does not need to be reminded all the time. He said it does not happen overnight and I just need to be patient. I do not know what to do. Do I wait? Will it actually change? I have tried different things such as offering to write down a weekly list of who does what chores, and he got so annoyed and said “No I don’t want a firm schedule. I can just try to be better”. I have also tried to compliment him whenever he does something responsible, but it still does not make his responsible behaviors last. I just want to see what everyone thinks… I am very ambitious and organized so I don’t know if any part of me has been too harsh on him. I am close to a point in life where I want to start thinking about marriage and having kids but I am really scared that he will not be a good father. I do love him so much, but maybe love is not enough to raise kids together… I have been having nightmares about him being the wrong person for me. But I think I am too emotionally invested and attached to tell whether I am being reasonable or just asking too much from a person. I know no one is perfect, but it is hard for me to overcome the thought that he might be dragging my life down. I want to be better and grow alongside my partner every day; he just wants to have fun and enjoy the moment. Do you think there is an actual future with him? If so, how should I go about trying to help him become more responsible without making him feel pressured or nagged at? I do want to stay with him because when things are good we are really happy. I am also afraid once I leave him I will not find anyone else who would love me this much 🙁 It does feel nice to be loved unconditionally (even when I had episodes of depression and anxiety he never judged or left my side). I remember in my past relationships I always felt like I was never good enough. Thank you for the advice!