I (24M) am dating for the first time in my life. I grew up with very little physical touches. I hated touching others and others touching me since I felt it was violating personal space. So now that I’m dating I don’t know how to initiate physical touches without it being weird. I always feel like a creep so I let the other person dictate how much physical touch they want.
The girl that I’m dating is super nice and we get along extremely well. But there is very little physical touches etc and it is always her that initiates it. She has said that she is willing to wait to as long as I want to be comfortable, so she is very respectful. It’s just that I don’t want to wait because 1. With her I feel like I want to be close to someone for the first time 2. I don’t want her to get bored.
She went over her dating history and all of them sound awful/pushing her boundaries. She also said this is probably her healthiest relationship so far. However, I still feel insecure since I have no sexual experience and am afraid that I won’t be exciting or satisfy her sexually like them. I joke around and make her laugh all the time but I never make adult/risque jokes.
How do I learn? I don’t want to feel like a fucking toddler who’s told how to touch people etc, so I don’t want ask the girl I’m dating. Is there a book?! (lol, yea I’m a nerd)
2 comments
A few safe things you could try.
1. Hold her hand when you’re sitting or when you go for a walk. You don’t need to ask her for that. I say that because based on what you’re saying about your relationship she’s comfortable with you and holding hands is a sweet gesture either way. So just find her hand and hold it.
2. When you sit down and talk to her, smile and play with her hair.
3. Put your arm around her and rest your palm on her arm or shoulder.
4. You could also playfully poke her cheek or her forehead. I do it to my little cousins and they love it.
5. Squeeze her arm lightly when you’re talking to her
6. Hold her hand lightly and trace her knuckles with your fingers. That is also playful.
Overall just learn to relax and enjoy the company of your girlfriend. Not much else matters. When you’re comfortable, you’ll just do these things on your own.
For friends, the shoulders, upper back, and arms are OK to touch when the situation comes up. For example, slapping someone on their back, or a joking non-forceful “punch/tap” on the shoulders.
For your partner, it’s also generally OK to hold their hand or their lower back.
If you can manage it (if you have any athletic background), you should also try to initiate movements from your core/abs rather than from your arms when touching someone. It feels much smoother and is less likely to hurt them.
If you’re interested in putting in some time to this, try taking a partnered dance class for a genre of music you enjoy.