I, 32 1/2, female have been single for over 5 years after being in only ONE long term toxic & abusive 7 year relationship which ended very badly. That’s a story for another day. He was the ONLY boyfriend I ever had, & the relationship was very high pressure all the time.
I’m never married & no kids. I want someone who is also the same, never married & no kids. I know what I want, I know what I need & I don’t just settle for less.
I’m still healing from the abuse & have been taking the proper steps to heal so I can get to a place where I am fully comfortable with men. I also want to get to a place where a relationship is going to be okay.
I went online just to see what is out there. I am VERY CLEAR about my NO KIDS policy as I DON’T WANT children plus I REFUSE TO DATE MEN WITH KIDS. I work in a daycare centre & I have my limits when it comes to children. I KNOW I wouldn’t make a good stepmom & have even made it clear on my profile. I REFUSE to even settle, & have told single dad’s off for messaging me. I know my limits, it wouldn’t be fair to me or the children if I got with their dad plus the mother’s of the children are all drama. I have recieved ALOT of backlash from men.
I’ve written “Disclaimer: No kids! Not even if they’re with you full time! Not even if they live with mom full time! Not even if they are grown!” while I realize that yes it’s HARDER to find someone, that’s fine with me.
I’ve had men write me nasty things to me. I’ve had men threaten to get me fired from my job, men say disgusting things to me, men accuse me of hating children which is untrue or I wouldn’t be working with them, threaten bodily harm on me, & I have had a man wish r@p3 on me on a dating app.
I’M THE ONE for some reason who gets BANNED from every dating site. Yes, I admit I have stood up for myself MULTIPLE times because nobody will stick up for me. It gets me banned each & every time. Name every single online dating site & app, I’ve been banned from it. I’ve been banned from POF 4x, Tinder banned me 2x, Hinge banned me for being offensive when I turned someone down for also being autistic like myself as I won’t date someone who is also autistic like me as I know I make better friends with people who are autistic like me rather than romantic partners. I’ve tried to date a guy of my neurotype once; but I found with most autistic men I’m better as friends with them. The guy didn’t like my response & of course my account got banned. Hiki I wanted friends, but of course I got banned. Bumble banned me 3x, eHarmony 2x, Zoosk banned me for telling off a single dad for trying to take a shot at me KNOWING my dealbreakers. Every single site has banmed me & even the ones I haven’t listed.
I shouldn’t have to settle for someone who has kids or who is also autistic or neurodivergent like me. I shouldn’t have to change how I approach my dealbreakers, I should feel safe on the internet. I shouldn’t have to worry about father’s trying to take their shot at me. Even when I make my “I’m child free & you MUST be the same!” headline I shouldn’t have to put up wifh these men still trying to come at me or worry about them being rude to me. You would think that if you’re a parent, that you would want someone who either WANTS KIDS, WANTS YOUR KIDS or WHO ALSO HAS KIDS.
Let’s be honest here, am I too aggressive with my NO KIDS ALLOWED policy? How can I word it better to weed out single dad’s or deadbeat dad’s?
6 comments
To be honest the way you’re wording things does come across as harsh. It’s fine to have those boundaries though.
I would either put : “not interested in becoming a parent or dating one, sorry.” Or don’t put anything at all, check if they have kids in the first message or two and then block/delete them if you’re not interested.
I mean maybe your too aggressive with it? But without looking at your actual profile i couldn’t say, but at the end of the day its still your choice, if you don’t want kids then its on them if they get up their own ass about it just because you don’t want em doesn’t give them the right to harass you, nor does it warrent you getting banned.
I don’t get what stick those fucks have up their ass to give you shit for not wanting kids, there is nothing wrong with not wanting kids, its alot of fucking work, especially if you already work in day care i could not blame you for not wanting em.
As for how to word it i guess if it read like this.
“Hey just fyi im not looking to have children nor adopt children or become a stepmum at anytime, its not the lifestyle im looking for so we will not work if you are.”
But honestly if your profile sounds anywhere close to that id be hard pressed to believe that would stop em, as a guy i can say we are fucking dense at times, and if you add on having a stick up their ass because they have kids its just not gonna work.
I guess you could also go another route of super assertiveness so they feel somewhat intimidated bur even then can’t say that’ll stop the threats, sadly people are so up themsleves with that shit.
Sorry i can’t be of more help, admitantly i don’t know how to date in the first place but i know how much people can be fucking dumb so i offer supportive words of encouragement.
Like so many things in life it’s not always what you say, but how you say it.
People don’t want to feel attacked by an online dating profile.
You seem very aggressive, what’s wrong with just unmatching them and leaving it at that. There is no reason to be mean, no need to tell them off. Just unmatch and move on.
Must be something about your messages. I also don’t date single moms, but I’ve never been banned on any app. Just unmatch people instead of arguing with them.
You come across as bitter. There is a difference in not wanting kids and seeming to hate people with kids. And you come across that way a bit. Like you’ve met too many people with kids and you’re at you’re last straw with it… which is a ridiculous concept.