I’m at a crossroads and I can’t make a decision. The list of pros and cons are too long and I’m trying to go with my gut, but I end up flip-flopping on my decision and ending up nowhere.
I’ll try to summarize it as best I can. Small preface: I have a chronic illness that makes location a bigger deal than most because cold weather makes it worse.
I’ve been offered a job. A really great job. I’ve been given the choice to take the job in Seattle, or LA, it’s entirely up to me.
My partner loves the PNW, and I hate it. The weather really affects my mental and physical health and my ability to get out, and it makes me feel trapped. I love LA. It’s warm, I have family and friends there, I feel like I can go anywhere I want whenever I want. It doesn’t affect my mental health. LA is far from perfect, but for me it is home.
My partner hates LA for basically the same reasons I hate the PNW, and refuses to go back to LA.
We are not married yet but are seriously discussing it. We’ve been together for many years and feel like it’s the right time to start considering it, save for the location discussion.
The other major con: My partner has $200k+ in student loans for psychology. I don’t want to be saddled with that debt for the next 10 years. I want to buy a house in the next year or two, but with a debt to salary ratio that high we won’t be able to for a long time.
I hate to look at just the practical aspects like this. I want to just see it as love as the priority. But the cons are significant enough that I can’t help but factor them in.
My psychologist helped me understand that what I might be craving is feeling free. In Seattle, I don’t feel free. I feel trapped and like I can’t get out. The debt will also make me feel not financially free. That’s a big deal.
And she is right. My worry is that by staying in Seattle, I will have a good relationship, but will be compromising on other things I want. Its not really the vision I had for my life. It’s so difficult to choose between the two because my relationship means so much to me. But not liking where I live, being in debt, not having a house for a long time, feeling trapped and struggling more with my chronic health condition… Is that worth having an amazing relationship? In some ways yes. In other ways no. I don’t know what to do 😢
1 comment
OP, you won’t be happy even if it is a “good relationship” if you don’t put your needs first and your partner won’t be happy unless he puts his needs first. Unless there is some way you could split your time between the two cities that works for you both, this seems like a big difference in your needs in the relationship.