Every time I meet new people and everything goes well and smoothly, I end up losing them and I don’t know what’s the problem. Can you help me out identifying it? Thank you!

6 comments

1. >I’m kind of quiet and not talkative.

   There is your problem

2. Like nixu123 said, being quiet and not consistently talking to people will automatically register in those people’s brains “oh this guy isn’t interested with being around me” and they’ll keep their distance from you, talk more, talk about literally anything, just don’t overdo it, never talking hmm 70% and they talk 30%, it should be 50/50 when holding a conversation(when you’re talking to friends) 60/40 is ok, won’t hurt, but 70/30 is bad

3. I saw the other comments about becoming more talkative, but I don’t think forcing it is necessary (though being active in your interactions does help. And confidence about your talking skills can partly come naturally, when you grow more confident in general, and find people who you trust.)

   How exactly do you lose these people? What happens? Do they ghost you?

4. If you haven’t already, check out the YouTube channel “Charisma on Command” I can’t recommend it enough. They have a bunch of tips on how to how to hold conversations better

   Like others have said, try to address being quiet and not talkative cause sometimes people feel like they’re not interesting if someone isn’t talkative during conversation

5. We don’t have anywhere near enough information to tell you why this is happening. You’ll need to carry out your own investigation in to why this keeps happening.

6. One possibility. The more anxious you are about other people and the more you care so much about other people in terms of receiving their attention, time, reassurance, approval, validation either online/offline, the more needy and desperate you will become for them and the less likely people will reciprocate and associate with you. People notice the way you act and carry yourself around them. They can sense your anxious vibes. They know when you are overly attached to them and heavily dependent upon them for online/offline attention. Your actions tend to show it. The tell tale signs are you texting/calling them way more than they are to you, and you being anxious, emotionally reacting, and confronting them when they don’t give you attention, time, reassurance, approval, validation either online/offline for whatever reason. People are hardwired to be repulsed by neediness and desperation. Ultimately, they gravitate towards somebody who is self confident, brings positive vibes in conversations, and is well rounded enough in life to not depend on others.

   You need to become genuinely busy in your life focusing on your hobbies and goals, while interacting with other people on the side in real life. Find something you enjoy doing in life and keep doing that overtime. You will build much needed self esteem and self confidence. Chase excellence, not people.