Met this guy[M25] on bumble on Saturday. We exchanged a few nice messages and he asked me out right away to get dinner. We followed each other on instagram as well and exchanged phone numbers.
I [F24] barely know anything about him as we have only exchanged max 5 texts in 6 days. He also takes forever to respond to any text I sent.
Date is supposed to be tomorrow and he hasn’t even told me he found a place yet.
I was thinking that if he doesn’t say anything by 5 pm today I should just cancel. I don’t want to show up to a date where I don’t even know if we have anything in common as I usually text back and forth with guys for a week before going on a date. I like to get to know the person better.
Is it better to cancel it as I see no constant interest from him?
tl;dr: Guy asked me on a date on saturday but he barely texted me during the week. Should I cancel?
9 comments
I guess it depends how much you’re willing to risk your time being wasted. There must have been *some* connection if you agreed to dinner, but if it’s completely gone on your end then no point wasting either of your time.
Cancel. This doesn’t feel right and it’s not your task to chase him. You don’t have to explain this to him. Tell him there’s no need to continue
I think it’s better to cancel in this case. He probably won’t respond to that message either.
You’re not excited to meet him, and you don’t like how he handles (or doesn’t handle) planning.
That’s plenty enough to politely back out of a first date.
Yeah sounds like maybe he got multiple matches and has been juggling. You might be getting back burnered. If he was interested he would be reaching out.
Rather than cancel outright, why not ask if he’s still interested and if he has a place in mind?
People here are saying he should be chasing (but isn’t the point of bumble that women can initiate?), he’s juggling multiple women, and making a bunch of negative assumptions. It could be those, but just as easily something could’ve happened, maybe he’s busy during the week, or maybe he isn’t glued to his phone like 95% of people. I was (and still can be) the latter type and if my girlfriend had decided to cancel because I’m a dry texter we wouldn’t be together. I value in person communication and if I’m with people (friends, family, gf, etc.) I don’t use my phone much to get the most out of the time we are sharing in one another’s presence.
I’d tell him you don’t fancy having your time wasted and that you’re cancelling as you don’t feel confident he’s going to show given the current lack of communication and that moving forward it would be appreciated that more communication is a must if you guys are going to make a thing of it. But in my opinion it does sound like you’re potentially a back up plan and that’s why the communication is somewhat lacking. If that turns out to be true then of course, you’ll want to express that you won’t be second to anyone 😤 especially on an app like bumble. Which I believe you can report people for time wasting as it’s supposed to be a more serious dating app.
Yes cancel, I would text him and say I can’t make our date for tomorrow have a good time! Then block him, he doesn’t sound like a very nice person and he doesn’t have any respect for you! Or better yet, Don’t do anything, don’t text him and see if he texts you and when you send him a text thanking him for a nice dinner and you were so glad you got to meet him, then block him!!!
Guys are used to being flaked on dating apps. Generally I put little stock into anyone until the 2nd date.
He probably should have picked a place by now, but not messaging a lot is pretty normal, the worst dates happen when you’ve exchanged 100s of messages and then you’ve got nothing to talk about.
I have a date tonight, and we’ve sent maybe 10 messages in the past week and I only picked the place yesterday.
Why not just be patient and see if he reaches out today or early tomorrow? It’s completely reasonable to plan to “get to know” someone in person on a first date. Plenty of people use the apps just to meet/make introductions and date IRL from there. Many people don’t like the back and forth on chat beforehand, and that’s not an accurate way to “know” someone anyway. In my experience, the more chill/less uptight about this stuff I was, the better dates I had. (And, I met my partner on Tinder, didn’t spend much time “getting to know him” on chat before dating, and we’re going strong 3 years now).