This happened last year. I went on a dating app specifically looking for a dom male. After talking with a lot of men, narrowing down to meeting some, I decided to begin a dom-sub relationship with a one. He was the only one who had experiences and knew exactly what he was talking about when in comes to BDSM. We agreed that we could see other people, just let each other know.
Things started off quite well. He took me out on a couple of dates then we met regularly at his place. He was amazing in bed and he gave me absolutely what I needed. He had a bunch of different accessories and always ready to buy more, he knew how to dominate, how to punish, how to give aftercare, etc.Then I started to notice small and then bigger red flags.
To me condom is a must, to which he said he didn’t feel as good. I was super wet every time and he said he wanted to feel my wetness when he was inside me, which he couldn’t with a condom. I said no, and even though he never went inside me without a condom, he did up the subject again a few times.
The first time I met him at his place, I noticed a few female items. I did ask him to see if he was seeing anyone, he said no. Then I kept seeing clues about another girl, I asked him again and told him I knew he was definitely seeing someone. He reluctantly admitted he had an “ex girlfriend” who kept coming here to find him. I didn’t mind it but I told him to tell me if he was seeing anyone else.
The next time I noticed some other clues, I asked him “Was your ex girlfriend here?”, he said no, then I asked “so any other girls?”, but he kept denying no matter how much I insisted that I knew there was someone (I didn’t say how I knew). I noted to myself to be careful of this man. Looking back at it, I should have just ended things here.
He also failed to keep his promises. I wanted him to take me out on some dates, which he agreed to but never did. He only called me when it was convenient to him. Sometimes he said he’d come see me later, but then didn’t show up. One time I was waiting for him at his apartment, he told me to go home because he had some male friend who would come so they could work on some projects. I did leave his apartment but went to a cafe nearby. I saw no friend showing up, only his ex.
That was the last time I heard from him, he went completely silent afterwards. I decided that if he contacted me, I would just decline him and end things but he didn’t so I just took it as a “breakup”. There were a lot of small other things throughout the whole time we were seeing each other but I can’t list them all. I called him “master” which probably made him think he could also control my life.
Until 5 months later, he showed up out of nowhere and told me to come over. I said “no, we’re done”, and he replied “We will be done when I say so, I don’t want talk here so fucking come over and we talk.” Even though I was so scared, I worked up all my courage to say no again and blocked him.
He looked my number up and found another of my texting app. He came to the convenient store near my place where he usually picked me up, (I never gave him my address, which I realized now is a very smart move). He told me to come see him and give him 5 minutes to talk. At this point he was begging me to come see him but I was firm with my stance, saying no over and over again. I was so scared he would have something to hold over my head, but luckily he didn’t.
Oh, I forgot to mention, after we stopped seeing each other, I found out he had a wife, who was living with him at another place. I doubt that she knew about any of his other girls. So basically he was living a double life.
I just want to share this story off my chest, because I can’t share this with anyone in my life. Stay safe out there folks, beware of small things that could be very telling of someone’s character.
5 comments
Perhaps you need a daddy dom?
Based off your post history I’m assuming you are relatively new to the scene but have done research into what you like and are looking for. As you are still new to bdsm I would reconmend joining some kink discord servers and/or fetlife groups (fetlife.com is the myspace of kink).
There are lots of fake and/or abusive Doms on the internet as you have already experienced and these groups can help you identify the signs and what to watch out for when starting any sort of engagement either online or in person.
In person events are risky because there are lots of fake Dom predators in the scene so it helps having some sort of contact from the inside a person you could trust on discord or fetlife.
Otherwise Im sorry you had to put up with a shitty Dom and I hope your journey from here on is smoother and happier sailings.
Stay safe out there. Many abusers hide behind bdsm. 🥺❤
People who don’t live up to their words and promises are a red flag in general. If someone says they are going to do something, they should do it unless something out of their control comes up. Trust is one of the most important factors in a relationship, no matter whether it is a platonic or sexual one. When you add BDSM into the equation, trust is especially important because as a sub, you are trusting your dom to keep you safe.
Anyone can say they are trustworthy but do their actions back that up. Your guy obviously failed this test by not keeping his promises. He lied about not seeing someone, not showing up when he said he would, not taking you on dates when he agreed to, lying about his friend coming over. Finding someone might be difficult, but you shouldn’t settle for mediocre
Shocking! who would have thought these types are mentally ill with issues?! 🙄