Today I found out that my fiancé might have been cheating for most, if not all, of our relationship with a woman who lives in the same apartment block as him. We are currently long distance and I see him every 6 weeks or so.
I found WhatsApp messages between them arranging to meet up. They weren’t explicit except for a few where she had sent him a sex toy she had. The messages also didn’t make sense so some had clearly been deleted by him or her.
I took her number down and called her. She basically said that I should ask him about the messages & if I’m not happy with his answers, I can call her back and she’ll tell me the truth.
I don’t know what to think! I confronted him & he got really upset and left to stay at his brother’s house tonight. I’m tempted to call her back but I’m wondering if she would really tell me the truth.
Should I call her and what questions should I ask her to get to the bottom of this?
40 comments
Is he upset because he was caught?
Also huge age difference- how long have you been together?
I don’t know if she’ll tell the truth, but him bailing on the argument means that her story is the only one you can get for now. So, feel free to call.
That said, if you think he’s been cheating for as long as he has, that’s a strong argument to dump him:
I would raise another possibility here though – and that is that you might be the girl on the side. Your age gap is concerning, and you’re long distance. Are you sure you’re the partner?
Why don’t you call her? Get your closure and waste less time on the matter. If he’s cheating you’re young and fully capable of finding a better life partner.
The age gap between you two makes me think he might be preying on you because he thinks you’re young and naive
What if you are the affair partner and not her?
He is way too old for you, by the way. This is why he goes after someone very young.
Call her, because he’ll never tell you the truth.
Please explain the context of why she had sent him a sex toy she had and why that isn’t enough to know he cheated?
Do you just need one of them to say it? Because it seems the obvious answer is regardless to some degree he cheated.
At this point the only reason you should be reaching out to either of them is for closure. If that’s not something you want then walk away.
You gave him a chance to explain when you confronted him and he just left. I’m pretty sure he knows its over.
Lol she sent him a sex toy.
That’s all you need to know.
Lol classic cheaters get caught and get so upset at their own mistake they get mad at YOU. Just fucking classic
I don’t think you need an answer from either of them. Don’t put up with disrespect. If it was innocent she wouldn’t say call me after you talk to him. Come on
Girl. Girl.
***YOU ARE THE OTHER WOMAN***.
> Today I found out that my fiancé might have been cheating for most, if not all, of our relationship with a woman who lives in the same apartment block as him. We are currently long distance and I see him every 6 weeks or so.
You’re the affair partner. You’re the young naive kid he keeps at arms length for fun.
A woman called me once after finding out I was sleeping with her fiancée. I had no idea they were together. I told her everything because why wouldn’t I? She’s trying to stay out of it probably and let him handle his relationship. She may not known he was in such a serious relationship since you’re not around much.
If she says they aren’t fucking you know she’s lying, conversation over, but I bet she will be honest.
Doesn’t the sex toy and deleted messages explained it?
shut up with this bad relationship age gap shit, dump the fucker and find someone who isn’t balding
Why bother? He’s old, you’re already suspicious, and let’s be real you know he’s cheating.
Don’t call her, block him, have some dignity and move on. I think what ever the truth is, it’s not good.
and youre marrying this guy? no-
I think hindsight getting mad and staying with his brother is a clear answer. Get your stuff and get the hell out of there. Nobody’s worth this much crap. He cheated and got caught and ran away like a child. Is that the kind of husband you want? I don’t think so.
She has no reason to tell you lies. At this point, she’s actually risking the anger of your partner and being outed as this cheating fiancé 🙂
I think your fiancé is cheating on you full stop. If you’re looking for evidence to break it off with him, by all means, talk to your fiancé’s AP. If you’re not looking for solid evidence, I’d rather just move on if I were you. Kick him out and cancel the wedding.
Question to ask AP:
1) How long have they been having an affair
2) At least, are they protected (wear condom?)
3) If you’re that curious, ask her if she knows about you being engaged to him
​
Tell your parents and listen to their advise if they care, they will tell you to not be with this person anymore.
Girl.
I would call her since she said you could to get clarity. Honestly would dump him regardless though.
Don’t date guys that could be your father. There’s a reason they don’t date women their age and it’s because they don’t have to come on here looking for advise when they discover self explanatory messages.
You are being cheated on, period. How is that not crystal clear to you?
The dude who is 16 years older than you is a bad person? Oh my, so shocked.
Get your closure. Let the other woman know. Then leave
Before you do call her, take a moment and think – do you trust him, deeply?
Suspect you don’t need to talk to her – you already know the answer, it’s why you are here, asking strangers for help. I am sorry, but if you cannot trust him now, you can’t trust him with your future.
Yeah girl you’re the other woman
He didn’t give you an answer, so call her. Also, his non-answer is an answer.
Are you serious?
Are you seriously this stupid? You’re clearly the side chick here he’s *seeing every six weeks or so* to have sex with. Age difference should have clued you in. Call her. She has no reason to lie to you.
I get the feeling that she has no reason to lie to you, but I don’t think you’re going to like what she says. If he wasn’t doing anything wrong, why would he get so upset? Do you think he will ever tell you what’s happening between them? Personally, I would want my questions answered, so I would call her back and ask for all the details, screenshots, anything she has. If you don’t want to hear it, cut your losses and move on.
Definitely leave him. He didn’t reassure you, he got defensive cause he got caught manipulating you, and his reaction was just another manipulation ploy.
The neighbor is clearly being immature and playing with your emotions like a child, it’s obvious she is being petty for her own amusement since you are both seeing the same guy, but you’re the one he’s engaged too, causing her to have insecurities under the surface since you’re young and have your whole life ahead of you, and she’s on the wrong side of her younger years wasting what she has left being a consistent booty call for an almost married man.
Messy and very harmful for your mental state.
You are young, with your whole life ahead of you, don’t waste anymore of your exploratory years trying to figure out what’s going on with some man child in his 40’s that lives in an apartment.
26 and 43? Please. Move on
Imo the woman answered you by not answering you. Unfortunately your fiance has been cheating. Call her and find out the rest of the truth. Don’t put your head in the sand op.
Middle aged AH has someone living in the same building sending sex toy images and you only see him every 6 weeks. Meanwhile you’re 17 years younger and falling for the “he’s young at heart” and “I’m mature enough” lines.
Yes call her. Sounds like you’re the other woman, nit her
If you need peace of mind… I would, call her. She clearly knows what’s up, and knows about you. So those saying you’re the affair, ehh…
Why are you even wasting your time on Midlife Crisis Ken…throw the whole man in the trash.
Give her a call, I’ll bet he’s at her place and not his brother’s.
Girl… You’re 26 F with a 43 M long distance dude… And wondering what’s going on. let’s be honest, you don’t need to call her to know whats going on, because I’ll tell you right now the harsh honest truth. Youve been preyed on by a cheating, much older man who likes to get attention and occasional sex from naive young girls.
Your boyfriend leaving after you confronted him is an admission of his guilt and should tell you everything by his actions alone.
I would call the woman and ask her to tell you the truth since he obviously won’t do it.
What does she really have to gain by lying? She’s gonna be the one you wanna go to for the full truth, because obviously your bf is a coward.
Yeah, sorry to say, you’re definitely his mistress.
His wife is probably used to this