Sorry if this is not the place to ask but unsure where this would fit in.
I (33M) have this constant argument with my wife (33F) that I am not progressing fast enough in my career and I need to step up. We live in London as I know this will factor heavily on my earnings.
I have arrived in the UK as in immigrant in May 2018 with a salary of £28k and with pretty basic IT experience. Now after various pay rises and promotions I earn £70k and with light overtime (20h) I can get to £80k easily. I have moments when I feel proud of my progress but these are short as my wife reminds me that it is not enough and if I apply to different jobs I can get more (I can’t with my current qualifications but am working on it).
I am fully remote and with a flexible schedule which allows me to help around the house and spend more time with the family which for me is worth more than a £100k job.
For context she is in the medical field and earned 120k before she got pregnant and is now on maternity leave so I think she expects me to earn at LEAST the same, however she worked 55+ hour weeks and did weekends as well as a 2h commute.
I don’t have anyone else to ask as all my acquaintances in the UK are work colleagues with whom I cannot discuss pay.
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Your wife is 33M? Interesting…
In all seriousness, you’re earning good money for an early 30’s professional in London. Yes your wife might have earned more but she also worked way more hours (and I expect she has some debt being a doctor?). If you’re earning enough to support your family currently, you’re happy with the workload, and you can sustain it without burning out, then I’d say you shouldn’t worry. I can understand your wife’s concerns, but you need to actually show whether or not they are real concerns, or if she’s just worrying about nothing. Good luck with your career progression, by the sounds of it, you’re doing just fine as it is (fuck doing a 2hr commute on weekends, keep the money, there’s more to life).
I mean you’re both in the top 10% of earners so in my eyes you’ve made it.
At the end of the day it sounds like a good gig and you’re less likely to experience burn out even if it isn’t ‘earning as much’ as you could elsewhere.
Do what’s right for you because I think in the eyes of the general Joe Public, you’re doing pretty darn well.
£70k + £100k for a couple in their 30s is doing very well. you just need to relax about progression. The average salary in the UK is some £30k I believe, you are more than quintuplicating that.
Personally, I’d have been delighted to be on £80k at 33. If you’re getting that with basic IT experience, you’ve done a pretty damn well, IMO.
If I earned £70k a year I’d let my mrs choose to go to work or not
Mate, you’re in the top 10% of income… EACH!
She sounds greedy, might be time for some relationship talk.
London can encourage this as there’s always more money to be made. Particularly now, the salaries and market are insane. I’m considering leaving a job I like because there’s just so much money around London right now, maybe crazier than I saw in 2006/7. I really don’t know what to think because we want to buy a bigger house. I’ll probably go for the more money but be picky.
Sounds like you and your wife view money very differently. I have always been of the same view as yourself that eventually you get a diminishing return from more money and that time and the ability to do what makes you happy far outstrip what you can buy with an extra £10k. For some people though it’s a status thing, it sounds like you both need to talk about what you actually want from life.
Your wife sounds demanding and greedy.
You’re earning 70k. Most people will never earn that in their lives.
If she wants to kill herself working just to earn more money that’s up to her but to me, less work and more time with family whilst being able to afford it is the right way to do things.
Dude I’m 33 and I earn a similar wage and so does my girlfriend and we’re both very happy where we are in life. You should be ecstatic, and your wife needs to chill tf out. She’s on 120K and telling you to step up, you’ve already stepped up and then some, she’s out of touch with reality.
Just enjoy your earnings and lifestyle and cruise I would say – I wouldn’t be worrying about how fast you’re going to progress. You’ve both already made it independently and as a couple.
In less than four years you’ve increased your income by more than my *entire* income, which is about the national average. Your partner sounds… very demanding, to put it politely.
I think you’re both doing great where you are. I can understand your wife’s anxiety around it … you are both used to a certain amount of income, and she is facing the reality of dropping 40% of her income once she goes back to work. So she may be thinking “we’ve got to somehow match what we’re making now at least, we have a new child to pay for too!” And being newish to the UK, it’s possible she hasn’t had a big enough range of experiences to see how much of a difference in your lifestyle would result from a £50k drop in salary. I think it’s natural to cling to what you know as a benchmark, especially as you’re dealing with such a massive change as having a new kid.
Which isn’t to say that I agree with her that you’re lagging behind, just trying on some perspective for why she might be feeling this way. It can be scary to go from being a really high income earner to a, well, still pretty high income earner tbh, and part of her self concept is no doubt tied to her job. So yeah, have a talk with her but without knowing more, I don’t think she’s 100% just being greedy or demanding.
I think your assessment of having more time and energy and flexibility being worth more than a higher wage is spot on. This will become so very important as you both adjust to having your baby in nursery (oh god the endless bugs and illnesses they bring home).
You’re likely both high achievers. However you’ve not given us any infromation as to decide on whether you’re actually making _good_ career progression. For all we know you’re a savant capable of making 300k in fintech without a sprinkle of managerial responsibility, but are pissing about living at 30% of your potential because you _want_ to for whatever reason. That could be fine, many people make that assessment that some value is more important than another. Only you know there.
You could get into a nice discussion over her total compensation, minus costs, divided by time, compared to yours (and really she’s only at 73k versus your 50k take-home, not a lifechanging difference in the grandscheme if not pissing about with SIPPs). Or talk about why she hasn’t emmigrated to maximise her income. And maybe that would work if that was the actual issue at hand, but I suspect it is not.
The question is really why it actually matters. Why does she want you to earn more – what is the concern precisely? Once you have that, you can see whether you wish to address it.
> think she expects me to earn at LEAST the same
Yes, that’s probably what it is. If she’s a doctor or dentist it’s going to be hard for you to compete with her on salary, but you should certainly try.
Uh, I think you’re fine. I might possibly earn that much when I’m like 50, but it’s doubtful