I’ve recently moved into a new city. It’s small (36k residents) and I live on the outskirts of it, still plenty of room to make connections. I used to be a super social person but issues started even before I moved causing my social life to slow down. Now that I’m in a completely new city it feels like an uphill battle, which makes me feel “socially stuck”. Any advice or suggestion on where to start finding leads? Personal experiences similar to mine?
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My default approach is to find a cafe, coffeehouse, bar, or similar establishment where people tend to hang out for a long period of time and become a regular. This means popping in two or three times a week and hanging out by yourself, maybe reading, doing light work, or scrolling through your phone in the same spot. Eventually the staff will come to recognize you as a regular. They’ll casually start to inquire about your day, and assuming you’re not a weirdo, they’ll start to warm up to you. Then you’ll start to recognize other regulars and start making causal conversation with them. Eventually you’ll develop this glow around you which will attract others to you.
I met a whole other branch of friends through this method, like a lot.
You don’t have to spend all day there. Fifteen to thirty minutes should be enough.
Other advice I heard is joining a club or organization, which makes sense. But that’s too much work for me. I’d rather sit around drinking coffee with a crumb cake and good book, or sitting at a bar nursing a martini or whiskey soda for a quarter hour.