I’m worried that I (19F) might be coming of as too sensitive and I know that there ARE couples out there that jokes around like this. But recently my boyfriend told me if he pushed me in a bush, it would be “funny” which I didn’t get at all. So it’s funny to inflict pain on me? There’s literally small rocks and mud in the bush. Or is it funny to him to see me fall? Either way I didn’t find it funny, but more “off” and scary. When I told him, I don’t find it funny, he laughed and asked me why. So I just said how would you feel if I do that to you? He just sighed and said I was just joking, you don’t get it.
His other ways of joking is also calling me a bitch or a dipshit (like “look at this dipshit”). Honestly, it’s not even funny and just felt like blatant disrespect. I just find it as really immature and that his way of joking is at the expanse of someone else’s pain.
He jokes in other way as well and I’m okay with those but recently he told me that we might be incompatible because of that little thing. Which is not me getting his way of “joking” and that me confronting him about it, hurts him so he isn’t sure about us anymore. I don’t know what to do. I don’t really want the relationship to end.
EDIT: sorry I just want to say the times he had called me bitch or dipshit wasn’t funny but it felt more like he pulled it out of no where. I understand and would laugh at jokes like “bitch please” or other context where it’s actually funny. And with pushing me in the bush, again, he brought it up out of no where. He said “hypothetically, if I push you in the bush right now would you laugh? Because I would”. Which again wasn’t really much of a funny context. I would laugh if we were both drunk and was just being playful and push each other into bush. If it’s out of no where I would feel like he just wants to inflict pain.
40 comments
He’s actually right but yes it also is because he’s immature. To be clear he’s right that you might be incompatible because he is insecure.
These things really are only funny if both people find it funny. Have you told him you find it disrespectful? Especially when he calls you a bitch or dipshit? Because that would mean he knows they’re not jokes and he’s just disrespecting you at that point.
When one person wants to exit the relationship there is little you can do especially when they have a valid reason (not that they need one)
If you want to try to work on this talk to him and tell him everything you said. But be upfront and honest. He’s right, you guys are incompatible in that area. What he finds funny you find immature and disrespectful. If he’s not willing to stop that and values his jokes over your relationship really don’t see why you’d want to stay with him long term.
He’s verbally abusive under the guise of “joking.” You’re better off without him anyway.
“I don’t want this relationship to end”
In the end, it sounds like he’s giving you an ultimatum. Either accept his way of “joking” or you’re “incompatible”.
I get the “slapstick” style of comedy. Watch the Three Stooges. Slapping, punching, poking in the eyes. Hilarious. Really love that show.
But.
I wouldn’t walk up to my better half and poke her in the eyes and smack her in the face.
I do appreciate the irony that he finds it hurtful that you don’t like his jokes but his jokes of “bitch” and “dipshit” are okay. You can’t say “I don’t like that” but he can say “bitch please”? Seriously? he can dish out honestly offensive terms but he’s going to run to a corner because you… disagree? Not sure how to take that attitude…
Honestly though… if he can’t deal with the fact that his “humor” is funny on the TV screen but inappropriate in real life? If he can insult you but can’t take honest criticism? then you have to either shut up and let him make the choice – which seems to be his ultimatum. Accept my opinion and shut up about yours. – or you have to talk him into being reasonable.
Or you two are incompatible in the long term and it’s better to go separate ways now before things get worse.
He finds it funny to think of doing something that hurts you and to call you names. That is not humor, that’s emotional abuse hiding behind the excuse of joking. I’m surprised you still want this relationship. Can you explain why you don’t want it to end when that’s how he treats you?
I don’t understand people who think it’s okay to call their significant other names. I doubt he calls his mother or sister “bitch” or “dipshit”, and he wouldn’t walk up to a random woman and call her names, so why is his girlfriend any different? Honestly just gross, and really gross to say you’re the one with the problem if you don’t like being called names.
Why wouldn’t you want this relationship to end? This isn’t a normal or healthy relationship.
no i honestly say break up with him, cause it could get worse like he would just push you into that bush. ive seen a bunch of people who do those gaslighting pranks and it infuriates me. like what he’s saying is disrespectful and even after youve voiced that to him he hasnt changed and he just gaslights you. i know you dont want it to end but its really big red flag i would think about it
>I don’t really want the relationship to end.
Why don’t you? Dude straight up calls you a dipshit. I get guys calling each other that but you’re not a random male friend – you’re his girlfriend
there are a lot of sick people in the world who know that normal people will not put up with their BS. So, they try to gaslight people into thinking that their sick behavior is somehow ‘normal’ and should be accepted. If you do accept it, it will lead to sicker behavior in a bad cycle. Don’t put up with this. There’s nothing wrong with being sensitive, it’s a good thing. It means you need someone who’s considerate, not this rude and abusive guy!!!
You are incompatible. You need a partner who values your feelings and respects your boundaries. This guy only cares that you won’t let him hurt or insult you for his own amusement.
The way he is framing this is abuse. You don’t want him to do it and he’s pretty much giving you an ultimatum so you break your boundaries so he can do what he wants. This is how it starts. And since you say you still want the relationship what he is doing is working. You aren’t being sensitive. If you give in and let him do these things he will continue to push all your other boundaries. Could even turn physical. It’s better to break it off now. You are so young. You have your whole life ahead of you.
Your boyfriend is trying to treat you like one of the boys.
Your boyfriend is right about the incompatibility part. He has the maturity of a 10 yo, so your maturity level does not match, which is definitely an incompatibility. Cut your loss, is my advice.
You’re not being sensitive. This is blatant disrespect hidden behind a “joke”. Not very good ones at that. He clearly doesn’t respect you. Find someone who will. Not worth it
Why is this person still your boyfriend?? Why do you want to stay with someone that repeatedly hurts you??
Let him go, for your own health and safety.
People will tell you in the beginning who they are and what they’re all about.
The facts in this case:
Your “boyfriend” would find it amusing to see you hurt and struggling.
Your “boyfriend” insults you.
Your “boyfriend” gaslights you for feeling righteously uncomfortable with his “humor”.
Your “boyfriend” blackmails you emotionally.
I think your “boyfriend” is an abusive dipshit, to use his words, and yes you’re incompatible, because you want love and he wants to humiliate you.
Now that you have the facts on the table, it’s up to you to be abused emotionally and verbally, or hop on the blackmail train and agree to the incompatibility and just leave.
(Please leave.)
Blatant disrespect is no joke. At your age he is immature and brainless. You can do better. Find someone that loves and respects you as you deserve better
You aren’t incompatible because of differences in humor. You’re incompatible because your BF doesn’t listen to you or respect your boundaries and then gaslights you by telling you that *you* are hurting *him*. That’s not a small thing.
You should put your boundaries over the relationship. He’s basically saying that his jokes are more important to him than your comfort and boundaries. Why would you want to stay with someone who respects you that little? What other boundaries will he trample because he feels like it?
He’s probably not a bad guy, but he seems like a child. If he can’t be a grown up and respect his partner for no other reason than because she asked him to, then he’s too immature to be in a relationship.
You should demand better for yourself.
Yeah I know a lot of people like this. They say they’re joking but it really just feels like they’re trying to make excuses to be able to constantly put people down to make themselves feel better. It isn’t joking they’re just an arsehole
It sounds like he is testing the waters and conditioning you for abuse. If you begin to accept his behavior, he will begin actually doing these things and beginning a Never-ending cycle of abuse.
Lovebombing, devalue (the abuse), discard, hovering (sucking you back in). Then they start over.
Been there. Done that. Don’t take my word for it. Research narcisstic abuse or cycles of abuse. This is a giant red flag. I would NEVER joke about my wife getting hurt or even feeling badly. Makes me sick to think about my wife being hurt or hurt feelings.
Don’t expect to change people. If he accepts he’s an asshole and has no intention to be better on his own accord… you need to accept that as well, if you insist on being with him
I hit full stop at him calling you bitch or dipshit. That is a very hard no, and would happen to me exactly one time before I ended it.
However, it is true that there are couples that communicate this way.
Let’s assume this guy isn’t simply an asshole, and his “jokes” are valid. There are a multitude of perfectly valid viewpoints that are simply incompatible with someone else’s. Wanting/not wanting kids, deciding that they are going to live and die on the family farm and never move away, commitment to support parents or family in perpetuity, religious preferences, veganism…. All completely valid, also won’t always match up with someone that has conflicting views. You do NOT need to force yourself to tolerate his sense of humor.
I think your boyfriend is right. You simply aren’t compatible. There are SO many fish in the sea. You’ll discover that the handful of things that make him ‘a great guy’ also exist in millions of other men.
What the hell did I just read?
You _know_ he’s being a disrespectful asshole but you don’t want to end the relationship? _Why?!?_ You deserve so much better.
You are 19 and have a long life ahead of you. PLEASE do not tolerate this abuse. It’s not funny, he is at the very least a jerk. Please do not spend one more minute with this little boy.
Jokes are funny, this guy isn’t…
Call him a ‘fucking useless fat cunt’. Go all out with the insults. Guarantee it’ll be different when you do it
>I don’t really want the relationship to end.
What relationship? You’re dating a guy who is already telling you that your feelings and thoughts are invalid AND who thinks it’s OK to call you names. That’s not a relationship, sweetie. That’s a guy practicing his “how far can I control this bitch” abilities. And, because you let him do it without much more than a weak argument, he keeps using his game. You’re gonna find yourself in a bush really soon.
You’re very young. Don’t begin your dating life by putting up with any of this crap. Be strong and find someone who respects you. This guy doesn’t.
Next time he says something like that and states he’s just joking and that you don’t understand his joke, ask him to explain it then. Really insist if he tries to brush you off. Hopefully he’ll realize it’s not really funny when he has to explain why he thinks it’s a joke.
I’ve heard that both men and women want a partner with a sense of humor. But the problem is men and women define sense of humor differently:
Women define sense of humor as their partner making funny jokes.
Men define a sense of humor as their partner finding their jokes funny.
Your boyfriend has a shit sense of humor. His jokes aren’t funny. They are hurtful. But he thinks you have a shit sense of humor because you don’t find his jokes (which again, are not funny) to be funny.
Tell him he isn’t funny. Let him know that, objectively, he doesn’t tell joke but instead hurts people and mistakes that for humor. He’ll break up with you and you’ll be all the better for it.
I just finished the first line of the second paragraph.
He does want to hurt you.
There is a 0% chance that he thinks it’s okay to call you dipshit. He just likes hurting you.
He doesn’t think you’re incompatible. He just wants to hurt you.
Why don’t you want the relationship to end? You don’t think he’s funny and he thinks he is. Would it take him actually hurting you and finding it funny for you to leave? He’s immature, and clearly doesn’t want to listen and take into consideration that what you consider hurtful. Does he have any redeeming qualities?
I am a man.
Your boyfriend is a little bitch.
My posts are rarely this direct; dump him.
Dump the motherfucker already. He verbally abuses you. He physically assaults you because he thinks your pain is funny. This asshole doesn’t care about you.
This is how abuse starts. He’s testing your boundaries with his “jokes”. They’re not jokes, they’re your future if you stay with him. And nobody calls someone they love and respect “dipshit”.
You’re not too sensitive. Your boyfriend’s just an asshole. Dump him before he dumps you for not wanting to take more of his shitty “jokes.”
He’s hiding abuse in jokes. He’s getting you used to being disrespected and injured. These are bright 🚩. He’s testing to see if you will be a cooperative victim. If you stay it will get worse. You will not be able to teach him to be gentle and have empathy- he will wear you down until you no longer complain when he insults you or hurts you. Please don’t stay – everyone deserves to be treated with respect in their relationships
This reminds me of an article I read that said that what compatible humor means for men and women are different. (Straight or bi) Men think women who laugh at their jokes are compatible with their sense of humor whereas women think that people who can make them laugh are compatible with their sense of humor.
Basically, your boyfriend thinks you guys aren’t compatible because you don’t laugh at his “jokes”. I personally also wouldn’t think his way of joking would be funny either so that’s why I don’t date people with the same sense of humor as him.
That’s just abusive behaviour on his part. You’re not too sensitive. You just want to be treated like an actual human being.
Break up if you don’t like his humour. Not everybody gets it. I’m surprised you guys even got together if you have such different views.
I have a relationship like this. We are great together. You are not too sensitive but you are incompatible.