We are very communicative and working towards trying to find a sex therapist (very few licensed in our area). He is extremely patient and compassionate. Never has he pressured me nor does he made me feel unsafe.
Nonetheless, I feel broken. I feel attraction to him, I love to cuddle, but I don’t want to have sex. I feel like something is wrong with me. I cognitively want to have sex, but when I’m met with the actuality I get so anxious and want to curl in a ball and hide.
I don’t know what to do. I know I’m not asexual, I didn’t used to feel this way. I’m sexually repressed and scared that this will never go away. I cry after masturbation and feel so dirty after. Does anyone have advice?
!!!!!PLEASE DO NOT OFFER RECOMMENDATIONS ABOUT MY SEXUAL ORIENTATION THANK YOU!!!!!!!
9 comments
It sounds like individual therapy focused on healing trauma would be a good idea for you in addition to, or instead of, couples’ sex therapy.
Therapy, therapy and therapy.
Question….does the idea/act of sex with a woman produce the same response?
Therapist
I am no proffessional at all, but have you ever looked into or studied tantric sex? Obviously the later practices or stages would probably be out of bounds for you but some of the early techniques or practices are more meditative and about connecting spiritually more than physically. They have have some great ways that may be comfortable with to find a new way to connect to your husband.
I’d recommend therapy, a gratitude book (not to be rude! I used them to get over my own trauma) it helps bring a sense of being happy that you can continue living and know that you’re safe with this person. And just taking things at your own pace. I’m sorry if it seems rude.
If you haven’t been to a therapist yet, that might the problem. You need to work through your issues.
I’ll use my gf as an example. She was married for 23 years to a horribly abusive man. She was raped nearly everyday by him. She hated sex.
She finally found the strength to divorce him and spent nearly 5 years with a therapist before she attempted to date. She was deathly afraid of sexual.
Fast forward, she discovered with me, she loves sex. She is basically hypersexual now. Anytime or anywhere and she’s game. She never would have been able to accept her sexuality without the therapy to help her with her trauma.
Take hope, things can get better but you have to address your trauma and it helps greatly if you have an understanding partner.
Wow, you shut down about three dozen potential comments with that ending, haha. When you say “recommendations,” do you mean any discussion of it at all? You might want to look into Alayna Joy on youtube, because you have described her situation a few years ago pretty much exactly, whether you come to the conclusion she did or not.
I would strongly recommend looking at the book Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski while you save up for therapy. It explains how desire works scientifically for people, and especially women.
When did you start feeling sexally repressed?