tl;dr. she basically got a first tattoo decided within 45min while at the shop and didn’t let me know before that she was going to do it. I felt like I was kept a bit in the dark and have no problems with a tattoo but I feel like she should have communicated a bit more on the day of getting it
My girlfriend is currently overseas for a holiday and she’ll be returning in the next 4 days and I’ll see her then. We talk everyday on whatsapp, snap and insta. I’m Male 27 and she’s Female 26 and we’ve been dating for 4 months now.
Around 2 months She asked what’s my thoughts on tattoos I said yeah I like them depends where it is but I would like something lowkey and not very visible. She said same with her but with she’d only get a tattoo like on her waist around there but only show her partner no-one else.
So now on the holiday she snapped me of a tattoo shop and was like “ooo hmm”. I checked my phone after a while and I messaged back to say “oh did you go get one?” She was also saying back “ooo what’s your thoughts tattoos? Then said “maybe I got one but I’ll only show you in person”
I continued asking questions and she told me “she thought about the tattoo went inside spent around 45min deciding what to get and she got it around her waistline but I still don’t know what it is, she’s gave me clues so it’s probably a word or phrase” she said she thought of it in the moment and it has meaning to her and she very very excited to show me when she gets back.
I’m actually surprised very keen and very nervous too because I’m hoping I’ll like it too! But I’m a tiny bit annoyed that she didn’t at least mention “I’m going to get a tattoo or something along those lines” I just felt like it’s a pretty big deal to get your first tattoo and as a partner I would like to share these things with the other partner. I’m just worried maybe this “spontaneous” behaviour doesn’t get repeated or at least after it happened give me a heads up before.
I know it’s her body and she can do what she wants and I agree! But a slight heads up would have been nice. If I got a tattoo I would take a while thinking about it, design etc maybe takes a long time like months because it’s permanent so I would definately be sharing my emotions and intentions with my partner about the tattoo as well. I feel it’s a communication thing not a tattoo thing.
So my question is it ok that I’m feeling this way a little bit? As well as should I wait to talk to her in person about my feelings? I’m a very level headed person but I don’t want to ruin her holiday about this in case she takes it the wrong way but I’m very chill about portraying my emotion, I’m not angry or anything just slightly annoyed haha
Please help a brother out, I’m not sure what to do and how to process this?
11 comments
>But a slight heads up would have been nice.
Really? You’re making it seem like your more her parent than her partner. You say the right things first (“she can do what she wants”), but follow it up with controlling comments like “she should have told me before she did it”.
Why? Why exactly should she have told you? What benefit is there to either her or you in her telling you first? Were you going to pay for it? Or is it possible you were going to try to influence her decision – either on getting one or on what she got?
I know you said you’re just annoyed, but I think you are seriously off base here.
You’ve been dating for 4 months. I don’t think you’re anywhere near the “check in with me before getting a tattoo” phase personally. You’re a brand-spanking-new boyfriend.
You are allowed to have feelings about this, but I do not think this is her problem whatsoever. I suggest working through it on your own.
You have absolutly no say in if she gets tattoos or not.
I’m not really following, to be honest. In your post, you mention twice where she basically gave you a head’s up.
The first time was 2 months in when she asked you your thoughts on tattoos. When someone responds with the type and placement of a tattoo, that is a super strong indication that they are thinking about getting a tattoo.
The second time was when she sent you a Snapchat while in front of the tattoo shop. Saying “hmm” after the conversation you already had – and having it again – I mean… it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that she’s thinking of getting a tattoo.
… and really, 4 months into a relationship, that’s quite a bit of “head’s up”.
To me, this doesn’t sound very spontaneous at all? She was clearly thinking about it for at least 2 months… maybe the exact details were a little more spontaneous… but the idea didn’t come out of left field.
I think she gave you a lot of “head’s up”, personally…
This is absolutely ridiculous. She doesn’t owe you a heads up, it’s her body and her choice.
I’ve been with my partner 8 years and neither of us would feel the need to run it past each other if we wanted more tattoos. Especially spur of the moment, otherwise I’d perhaps ask if he liked a certain design but it wouldn’t come down to needing permission
Lmao. You can’t be serious. 😂😂😂
I do not want to give permission or anything! It’s her choice and she can do whatever she wants. It’s just that big life choices like getting your first tattoo, or buying your first house, or buying your first car etc are things ill talk about with my partner.
I just thought getting a tattoo would be one of them too because personally thats a big step to take I think. If I was getting a tattoo I think I would have said at least “I’m going to go get a tattooo today wish me luck!” I would have been much better with that sort of heads up
Wow, she got a tattoo and didn’t tell you?
What’s next? She goes to the dentist without first getting your permission? She gets an oil change without giving you written notice? Where will the insanity end!
I don’t know what you are upset about. She has mentioned her desire ti get the ink, roughly what and where she wanted it… grown adults can do what they want. 4 month relationship isn’t marriage. Relax and trust her.
I do not know why so much hate for the OP. Tattoo is something that stick for life and it is one of the things I see that should be discussed before hand. Not only a vague mention “I am gonna get a tattoo” but also the details what kind of tattoo and when. Yea yea it is her body her choice and all of this bullshit but it is a matter of respect to run it by your partner and get them involved. This goes both ways of course.
She did actually tell she was getting a tattoo (and she didn’t need too).
What exactly do you want more?