Men, do you have any tips on how to turn an argument into a peaceful one?

29 comments

1. Just leave if she starts yelling, or being overly antagonistic, and come back when she stops. Tell her that you refused to speak to her when she gets like that.

2. Woman here, I always walk away for a few minutes when things get too heated, Let things cool down for a bit, clear our heads… then come back and turn an argument into a meaningful discussion…

3. Do your best to find out what the other person wants and expected. Find out what premises their expectations are based on. Try to respond with “I” phrases e.g. I didn’t realise you wanted us to do that.

   So many arguments are over miscommunications.

4. Depends on the person and argument. Usually I try to go with “I understand how you are feeling, but let’s work together in solving this issue. If you think it is useful, let’s take 5 then come together, look into it and make sure we solve this”

   Then you put your energy and effort to actually understand how they feel, and try to see if there is a solution and work together for it. An argument has an issue at it’s core. Find it together, and try to solve it, even if it means walking in different directions in life

5. Loudly inform the other party that you’re not the one

6. Don’t feed the fire and don’t feed the trolls. Stay on point and continue to push the narrative.

7. “I need you to calmly tell me what is bothering you and then I need a while to consider it. Whether you are right or wrong, I am not going to be yelled at and badgered. If you can’t do that then this is going nowhere.”

8. Remain calm. Don’t raise your voice. Don’t engage with name calling or verbal abuse. Don’t engage with people when their emotions are calling the shots.

9. Really try and understand, and be open to having your mind changed

10. Ask her to speak with you with the same courtesy and temperament that she does with co-workers and strangers.

    You would be surprised how that shuts down a woman’s rage.

11. “I want to understand you and resolve this issue but could we do it calmly” or take a break.

12. Take a step back, breath. When people aren’t really listening they tend to only focus on their answer and ignore the argument you made. If this happens. Step away. This is no longer an argument, it is a personal attack to them and you can no longer reason with crazy.

13. Don’t get reactive. Take a pause before you speak.

14. Logic and reason /s

15. What do you mean peaceful? I wouldn’t be with someone who used physical violence.

    A lot of times I’ve found when my partner and I fight, it’s because one of us has emotions about a situation that we are suppressing, and it’s really coming from something unrelated. We know to step back from each other if necessary and come back to it when we’ve calmed down. We also make the effort to listen to each other fully when we come back to it. The goal isn’t to “win” or something, it’s to understand, to work together.

16. Stop the argument, ask both parties to speak in terms of:

    “I feel like…”

    “I think that…”

    This takes the blame off each other and throws it onto both individuals alone for how they are reacting in the situation.

    Never use:

    “YOU are…”

    “WHY ARE YOU….”

    “YOU NEVER….”

    Believe it or not, that is abusive language. You’re forcing your perceptions on someone and infringing on their reality. That is what bullies do.

    Treat your other half like a human and it’ll be fine.

17. Early on, use the phrase “agree to disagree”. Stick with it. If the other party can not or will not, -walk away.

18. Don’t concentrate on what they are saying but on how they are feeling. What are they feeling vulnerable, anxious or hurt about? Look to change that first.

    If they don’t feel right, they/we/whoever cannot act right.

    And if they do feel right, 90 percent of problems disappear all by themselves.

19. Use non-violent communication. It really works

20. Stop looking for someone to blame in an argument. If one person in a relationship has a problem then look at it as a relationship problem. There are two people in the relationship so its both peoples issue.

    Discuss what the issue is as if your both working together to fix it. It took me years to realise this but my god, I havent had a ‘fight’ with my wife in years no matter what the issue is. We both discuss what the problem in the relationship is and fix it together. Sometimes shes feeling a certain way because of something I’m doing or not doing, sometimes vise versa. But we never look for someone to blame. Instead we explain the problem and when your not being blamed or attacked you can much more easily see how your actions may have unintended consequences then you can both offer your thoughts on a solution.

    ​

    Things get resolved so much more quickly when your actively working together.

21. Dont interact. Just ignore leave the scene

22. Make them laugh, it disarms them of their negative feelings so that rational and calm thoughts can get through again.

23. Ummm agree with her and tell her you’re wrong? Seems to be the only things that’s worked for me in my life. And I’m rarely wrong lol

24. Ask “is this a problem you can fix by yourself, or a problem you need help fixing”

25. Don’t raise your voice.

26. Walk away.

27. LMAO!

    You mean *How do I get her to agree with me?* right?

28. You can’t get emotional, yell, or be physically imposing. Sometimes you both agree to take an hour and relax. Hit the gym and revisit it

29. Easy, just don’t argue back. Do you want peace or do you want to be right?
    I’ve been married 18 years and have never argued with her. I’ll talk, I’ll discuss but never argue. It makes absolutely no difference to me whether other people think I am right or wrong.