There’s this guy I met on tinder. We started speaking and it’s been about 1 week. Yes, too early etc, but here we’re wired different lol. So I wasn’t really interested at first but after we got talking boom, I was like, this guy is amazing. We shared a lot in a very short period. He’s in the next town and we were making plans to meet next month. He’s extremely busy. He works from 9am and comes home at 11pm, he’s pushing for deadlines or something. But he sounds genuinely interested in me. I’m just having doubts that he’s interested though. He used to message me nearly all day (he found the time for it!) and every night I got a call, without fail, just before he dozed off to sleep. Since Sunday he hasn’t been messaging at all. I got a message twice since. Both times said he’s sincerely sorry and that he’s under extreme pressure at work so he didn’t mean not to message – and that it won’t happen again. But it did happen again and I am feeling frustrated. I feel like he’s sincere but my doubts are getting the better of me. I once told him that if he isn’t interested in me then please say it and don’t keep me hanging, and he replied “I will not be the one losing interest in you, I’m invested”. He says everything right so I feel like he could be playing me. Do you think I should send him this message below? I don’t want to sound aggressive or desperate, I want him to know I genuinely want to pursue this but only if he is going to show the same amount of interest in me.
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“I’m no longer interested in pursuing this” simple as that. Communicate, it’s okay, there’s nothing wrong in turning someone down. We claim to be two genuine people right? Communicate what’s happening. I don’t care if you can’t call me for 2 weeks, but let me know and communicate it. There’s no excuses for going silent on someone. Maybe there’s a few exceptions like if a relative died. The only other excuse is if you wanna keep someone as your option so you leave them hanging by a thread, not showing enough interest but also not allowing them to move on. We’re busy people yes, but there are breaks to send someone you care about a message. I was in a top class meeting the other day, and looking at your phone would be very unprofessional, but even in that case there was a tea break in 3 hours where I could’ve sent you a message – an update, or something to say that I won’t be available until 3 days time. Tell me I’m being unreasonable. The reason I’m upset is because you told me to put my 100% interest and I showed things to you that I would never. I don’t regret it because we both agreed to the moment and we said we not gonna have regrets. It’s just that i wish you would COMMUNICATE this to me and say what’s happening. Like I don’t care how we are rollercoasting or whatever, the key here is to communicate it, whether it’s a 3 word sentence or a 30 second phone call. That’s the way I operate, if I don’t receive this amount of effort then I tend to shell up and distance myself, because I’d feel inadequate to that person. Can we meet halfway or should I save my breath?
6 comments
No I would not send him that message after only a week of talking and not even meeting. It’s ok to be attracted to him, it’s OK to be frustrated, but that message is taking it way too far. This guy is under no obligation to get back to you like that. Maybe he’s busy, maybe he’s also making excuses – imo he told you what he told you and yes clearly his actions aren’t measuring up to what he’s telling you atm. I think you just should save yourself the drama and move on. Perhaps in the time you busy yourself with other stuff he’ll get back to you with wanting to confirm a date, maybe not – maybe you’ll happen upon someone who you connect with that is more available but that text is too much.
Noooooo! Don’t do it!! I would just walk away.
If you absolutely MUST send a message send something simple. Like, I don’t know:
Hey, it’s been so lovely chatting and I think you’re amazing; but, as a baseline for me I need someone who has time for me and makes a time for me and it seems like maybe you don’t or won’t? Look me up in the future if work becomes less hectic. In the meantime, best of luck with everything.
One week isn’t long and he did tell you he was busy. I think you might want to find someone that has the same communication style as you.
Thank you guys for the amazing & mature advise. You just saved me from what would be otherwise an embarrassment of myself. I’ll leave it as it is and wait another couple weeks to see if there’s any difference and if there’s no change I’ll get the idea xx 🙂
Definitely DO NOT send him this wall of text… it has been 1 week, and you havent even met him in person yet. If you wanna talk to him text him ”hey whats new?”. He doesnt have to text first every single time.
UPDATE: Sorry, I just need to vent 🙂 This guy messaged 2 days ago with a big sincere apology that he’s been off the radar and again about work, and honestly I was happy. He sounded so sincere so I replied like hey it’s totally fine and that he doesn’t need to apologize as we’re both busy people, and that we’ll chat as soon as he’s available. Soo… It’s been 2+ days and he didn’t message again, and I’m leaving it at that. Guess what? I happened to notice his snapchat score going up 200+ (I wasn’t stalking, I promise). If you don’t know about snapchat – this means he’s either sent or received 200 snaps (images) with other people. This really pissed me off and kinda hurt me considering that I thought I finally happened on someone real and genuine. Well I could give him the benefit of the doubt considering his main form of communication with friends is snapchat, and that he’s genuinely busy, and yada yada, etc because he said he’s busy plus he apologized, but a girl’s gotta trust her gut right? I genuinely like him and wouldn’t have minded risking my feelings in the process just to see where this goes – if he was indeed the person he portrayed himself to be – but now I’m pretty convinced that he’s a just good liar…His actions are kinda reeking manipulative behaviour too. Not sure if I need advice at this stage cause I’ve pretty much decided to not ever message again, but yeah, just needed to vent 🙂