How soon into a relationship would you be comfortable with your partner bringing up the possibility of marriage?

17 comments

1. I’d run if that was brought up on the first date.

   I think anything sooner than a year or so is a little soon for me.

2. 2 years maybe

3. In my 20s, I’d run. If I were dating now in my mid 30s, I’d be encouraged if you put it all on the table in the beginning. Let’s be real. You’re in or you’re out. Either we have the same goals in relationships, or we don’t.

4. Depends on how it’s worded and how we got to the topic. If the conversation naturally went there and it’s along the lines of “marriage is something that I’d like for myself at some point” then wouldn’t bother me when it’s brought up. But if they’re telling me before a minimum of 6 months that they want to marry me specifically, then that’s too soon for me. At 6 months I’m probably only just now considering moving in with the person if the relationship is going well, and I’d want to live with them for at least a year before thinking about marriage.

5. Depends on the context. If someone’s discussing what they want before marriage (to live with their partner, to travel, to meet family), I think any time is fair game. If someone said “hey I see myself marrying you” I think anytime before six months is a bit early (but that’s just my POV!)

6. I’d hate it on the first date

7. Depends on the connection and our age. My husband was 29 when we started dating so he knew what he wanted. He asked me 3 months in. We’ve been married nearly 8 years very happily.

8. First date? Absolute dealbreaker.

   Other timelines that have happened to me, and were also too soon: after a couple of months and in another relationship, a proposal around the year mark. That last one was a toxic relationship with a lot of unnecessary drama, and we were nowhere near to getting things sorted out when he proposed to me.

   More important than the timeline is what the relationship is like. If there are loads of problems, getting married isn’t going to solve them. That proposal just felt like he was attempting to lock me down into a shitty life, to be honest.

   I would imagine being okay with serious, marriage-related conversations after a year, if everything had been smooth sailing and we’d already successfully navigated challenging situations together. In most relationships it might take longer to get to this point, so more generally speaking, around two years might be a decent rule of thumb. Even in that case the above still applies: never propose to someone who is clearly unhappy in the relationship. Instead, put in work to fix things if you are serious about them.

9. It’s not a dealbreaker for me cause I see marriage in my future I think how it’s said and brought up in conversation will help it just be a discussion

10. I’ve always wanted to be a mom so when I was dating I was only looking for serious relationships with commitment. I would always ask on the first date “do you want to get married and have kids one day?” I didn’t mean to me, I just always asked.

    My husband and I started talking about *us* getting married after 3 months. We started talking about an engagement pretty seriously after 1.5 years, we were engaged at 2.5 years and married at 3.5 years. That was the perfect timeline for us. We both knew what we wanted.

    It’s hard to be a specific limit but in general I think bringing up marriage in a really serious way before a year is pretty fast. I think age definitely matters. An 18 year old couple is not the same as a 35 year old couple.

11. Marriage someday and marriage to *me* are two very different things. I’m almost 40 so if a person wants to be married then I want to know asap so I can head out. If they said they wanted to marry me, I’d head to the nearest police station for a restraining order.

12. I’m in my 30’s now and because of my age, experiences, and goals in a relationship it is good to know early on what the other person is looking for in a relationship. More specifically, if he’s looking for something short term or long term. This saves potentially wasting time only to find out later that the two of you have different expectations.

    My fiance and I discussed marriage very early. We both were looking for someone to settle down with and marry.

    He proposed (and it wasn’t a surprise proposal) after 7 months of dating and we’ve been engaged for 3 years.

    My first marriage was rushed and we got married after being together for 3 months. 0/10 would not recommend. I’ve experienced both extremes, getting married too soon and waiting years to get married. I’m much wiser now, and have had no qualms about waiting, even though I know that my fiance is a good partner to marry. 2023 will be the year.

13. There’s no “too soon” to mention that’s what he eventually wants, IMO. And in fact I would want to know pretty early.

    After a few months he can joke about wanting it with *me* specifically. I won’t freak out; I’ll find it funny and joke back. When he means it, he can say that, too.

14. Depends on the context and discussion. I’d expect to talk a bit about our life goals and plans on a first date, so talking about marriage in a general sense would be good to know if your life plans are compatible. (Ex: “I’m planning on starting a family in the next few years, but I’d like to reach the next step in my career and get married before getting to that.” Or “I am really independent in a lot of ways and am not really interested in marriage for myself, but I do want to focus on travel and fun experiences with a partner.”)

    Making it personal on a first date would be pretty unusual and be much too soon in most situations. (Ex: “I can see us married with kids in a few years.” Or “What do you think about us getting married?” Or “I’d love to marry you.”)

    In general, I’m comfortable talking about marriage as a concept and my personal preferences from the beginning and would be comfortable discussing marriage as a possibility between the two of us once we are in a committed relationship together.

15. I thinks it’s always good to talk about general expectations early but seriously? I would wait a year.

16. As far as whether or not they have ever wanted to get married I’m cool with them saying such pretty early on. That’s something important to know for long term compatibility. Regarding the possibility of US getting married…..significantly later, at least a couple weeks or so after being official for a year. By which I mean 54+ weeks after the date we agree it’s a relationship, however long we were seeing each other before declaring such

17. If they say they’d marry me on the first date, no thanks. If they say they are looking to get married and settle down and i am also in the same place, I would see how things went between us for like a year and live with them for a bit before seriously considering it